[agathaj]

Yes, it's tough to realise that their amothers will always be their real moms and we are???? I don't know what we are so I guess these teens don't know what our role is either? I read a post from an adoptee a while ago on a different forum who said that she only wanted minimum contact with bmother even thou bmother wanted a relationship and that bdaughter was happy to know that the bmother cared and that was about it. So bmother got xmas and bday cards and that was it from adult adoptee. Now I know that is her right to only want that amount of contact but she did admit that she would not be happy if bmother ended the relationship. I am thankful to know that my bdaughter is loved and has a great lifestyle.

[Liz79]

HI there. I am now 28, but at 18 I met my mother, at my request. It was very overwhelming for me, and her. I haven't had any contact with her, in the last 7 yrs. Things just didn't work out at the time. I don't think I was ready for that kind of relationship with her. I was young and although, I thought I knew what I was feeling I really didn't.
Last year, I contacted my birth father. We have an excelent relationship. I think cause I'm older, and know more, how I feel about things.
Since then I have been thinking alot about my mother, and thinking of trying to contact her again. Although we haven't spoken ina long time I think of her often, and she filled that part of my heart, that needed it.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is don't make her feel like you are cutting of contact, that would withdraw her more. Tell her you enjoy the e-mails from her, I would tell her, that she is loved, you will always, always, be there for her, and when she is ready you, will be there for sure! There are alot of emotions and feelings we go through even though we know we were loved, and it was for the best. Just letting you know that you should never give up hope, it has taken me 28 years to start to muddle the mess in my brain around, and figure things out. I'm sure it would feel like an eternity too you, but you've waited this long, I guess its up to you to make the decision if your love for her is worth being patient a little longer.
Ow yes, just a thought, but her being religous, and all, saying she was a gift from god is probably her way of deeling with the pain of being given up. Thats what my parents used to tell me when I was little that I was a gift to them from god.
Sorry so long, and I hope I explained myself ok.

[slbullough]

Hi, Im a adoptee aged (35) and have only just started to look for my birth family. At the age of 18 I to would have found it difficult especially as nothing ever appears right at that age (lol). Give her time and goodluckxxx

[bprice215]

Congradulation are in order for you have what some of us only can dream about. Never give up and never give in, for as long as there is life and a God above he will never let you down, but it will be in his time, not yours. I had my first f2f with my daughter almost a year and a half ago. I must have gave her a lot to consider because she stopped emailing me until this Christmas. She is still very vague in her answers to me but we are making progress. She has insinuated she does not think of me as her father and I admit I'm not. So instead I work on being a friend to my daughter. I try an accomidate her in any way I can because I'm so much happier now than I was. Now I know she was loved and had a wonderful life for I've seen that. I'll take anything she wants to give me for that's what this love is all about. Good luck.
bprice215

[bprice215]

Well said, I can identify with you. Thank you Pomme.

bprice215

[Moongrl22]

Thank you so much for your post. I don't ever really want to SHUT the door on the possiblity of a relationship with her. I guess I'm just protecting myself from getting hurt. The last thing I want to do to her is HURT her. I never want to HURT her. This process seems MUCH harder than giving her up in the FIRST place. I never really got counseling after giving my baby up; I just moved on with my life and blocked out all the emotions and all the pain of giving her up. It's like I put that experience in a box and hide it away until now. I respect your comment very much. It gives me a since of PEACE. The only way I can MOVE on with my life is TELLING everyone "I've put the past behind me where it belongs." I say I "REGRET" giving her up BUT honestly I wouldn't change a thing! I have three amazing, beautiful, precious children and a wonderful husband in my life. In my heart, my Adaughter will always have a special place in my heart forever! She is after all my first BORN baby in my heart. Thanks for your post again!

[agathaj]

Hi moongirl, I sadly have to say that nothing has changed for me either. I am totally bowing out of her life now. I can't do the cards etc anymore because I spend weeks before her birthday pondering about what to do, should I send a gift, does she want that? So I have decided enough is enough and that doing nothing is an option. I am done with it and if in 20 years she wants contact I will say no because I am not going through all this again...I have realised that some mistake just can not be fixed. I hope things turn out better for you.

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by Moongrl22

Thank you so much for your post. I don't ever really want to SHUT the door on the possiblity of a relationship with her. I guess I'm just protecting myself from getting hurt. The last thing I want to do to her is HURT her. I never want to HURT her. This process seems MUCH harder than giving her up in the FIRST place. I never really got counseling after giving my baby up; I just moved on with my life and blocked out all the emotions and all the pain of giving her up. It's like I put that experience in a box and hide it away until now. I respect your comment very much. It gives me a since of PEACE. The only way I can MOVE on with my life is TELLING everyone "I've put the past behind me where it belongs." I say I "REGRET" giving her up BUT honestly I wouldn't change a thing! I have three amazing, beautiful, precious children and a wonderful husband in my life. In my heart, my Adaughter will always have a special place in my heart forever! She is after all my first BORN baby in my heart. Thanks for your post again!

Moongrl - Your bdaughter is indeed your firstborn. Even though you didn't raise her she will always have that special place in your heart. We meet these "children" of ours as adults, at least that's the case for many of us and we can't go back to when they were infants and "mother them." That's not what they need or want. We can't change the past. We can only live each day as fully as we can, and try to be aware of the blessings we have.