[british_at_heart]

Hi.

I am new to this forum and I am hoping to meet others involved in adoption, especially an adult adoption--be it the adult adoptive parent or the adult adoptee. I am an adult that recently left a very toxic environment that I was living in all my life until now. I have tried everything imaginable---counselling, doing nice things for them (despite their mistreatment of me), etc. For most of those years I believed what my biological parents said about me/labeled me as along with patronisation, lying to me, making me feel that there was no other way of living than the way they did, etc.


It took me years to finally see the light and realise that I needed to leave, that I deserved a better/safer life, and that I am not a bad person. One should never be obligated to have contact with people just because they raised them---it's all about respecting, caring, honesty, empathy, and being open-minded, which is what makes a family in my opinion.

I would like any insight from any adult adoptive individuals and/or adult adoptees with how to do the process, as I have only basic knowledge about it and how it varies geographically. I have a few friends who I have mentioned my interest in adult adoption to and/or who I am considering asking if they would be interested in adopting me. If anyone can give me any insight on the process, steps, etc. that would be appreciated. I would also like to know about any process (if applicable) with a an adult citizen from the US being adopted by someone within the EU (though I presume it would vary from EU country to EU country).

[quantum]

Hi,

I personally don't have any experience with adult adoption, however I do have a lot of experience as an adult moving to EU countries.
I am uncertain that you'd be allowed to be adopted in any EU countries as an adult and even if you were, I think that you would find it difficult to move to said country. I've lived in both England and Sweden and have dealt with immigration in both countries. Both times I was trying to get a visa to be able to live with my husband/partner. We went through some pretty heavy duty questioning and investigation and we were 100% legitamate in our request to have me live in said countries. It's not easy! I've not given up my US citizenship as I want to be able to visit my friends and family back home freely. My children are dual citizens so they have many options available to them for where they want to work, study, settle later on in life. The idea of living in another country may seem romantic and ideal, but you still have to work, live, pay taxes!

I'm sorry that you have had a childhood that brings you to the conclusion that you wish to give up your blood family. I'm afraid I question your motives. There are so many people on these forums who have gone through so much pain and self doubt and so much more because of adoption. Because they are the child who doesn't know the mother who gave birth to them, because they are the mother who did what she thought was best for her child but always wonders if she could have done things differently, better.

Please think seriously about if this is a genuine solution for you. Please don't take the idea of adoption lightly. It's not something done on a whim.

Please also understand I don't mean to seem like I'm judging or trivializing your situation, I just needed to speak up. If you have any questions about moving to an EU country, I'll be happy to talk to you about options.

Good luck and I hope you can find peace.

[dontbelong]

I was an informal "adult adoption". I took it VERY seriously. They didn't. Be careful. Some people don't understand the needs involved because they think adopting an adult is easier and requires less work, when really it can take more effort because you won't be living with them but you will be trying to bond with them. I hope it works out for you.

[qpid34]

Originally Posted by dontbelong

I was an informal "adult adoption". I took it VERY seriously. They didn't. Be careful. Some people don't understand the needs involved because they think adopting an adult is easier and requires less work, when really it can take more effort because you won't be living with them but you will be trying to bond with them. I hope it works out for you.

You are right, but as much as it sad, "they" want & need us as much as we need them.
It's all about giving. Suppose something Is missing In their life, we can fill the gap.
Don't you think?

[hersy]

Hello!

I'm a dult looking into being adopted by a nice family, I'm self suficient, and I looked at your comments about you being previously adopted.

Would you mind sharing with me, how did you meet with possible candidates to become your adoptive parents, as it is right now, I have no idea where to start although I have been looking all over the web, I can't find much info.

Please reply soon.

Thanks

Hersy