[Ferney]

I have not been able to come to this forum and discuss anything. I am going through a really painful time. I have decided to "divorce" most of the members of my biological family that I know.

I can't have anything to do with them anymore. They are working on my nerves. Even though I am the one who has lived my life within this open adoption situation, I'm being told what my experiences should be, who I should involve myself with and in what way etc. Because I am not complying I should, as it was told to me, "let go of my hate."

I am so sick of the emotional trash they are putting on me that I am not excepting phone calls from them, contacting them or anything like that. I don't want to have anything to do with them for a good long time if ever again.

I don't want to offend anyone but my situation sucks. I know my situation does not have to be the same for anyone but I would never allow any child I gave birth to within an open adoption. It has been too problematic.

My stomach hurts over this situation. My poor husband, he doesn't know what to do about any of this. I just want to put my head down and weep.

Just explaining my very long absence.

[lonni]

I am sorry Fenny. Some people are too toxic to have relationships with. Protect your self, continue to honor your admom since she seems to have been the stable force in your life.You owe NONE of them anything. (the ones disrespecting you and your Mom)

[Ferney]

Thank you for your kind words. I totally intend to protect myself by putting distance between them and me. I can't understand how anyone can tell me that I should totally not respect the person who raised me. I can not understand how they said if she were sick I don't have to help her because she's not my mother. The person who raised me is my mother. They can go to h**l.

[healingfeeling]

Ferney,

just wanted to say i'm so sorry for what you're going through. i've had a few similar situations lately with my bdad and it has made me want to "divorce" him also. adoption is so complicated!!!!!

[lonni]

Originally Posted by Ferney

Thank you for your kind words. I totally intend to protect myself by putting distance between them and me. I can't understand how anyone can tell me that I should totally not respect the person who raised me. I can not understand how they said if she were sick I don't have to help her because she's not my mother. The person who raised me is my mother. They can go to h**l.

It is so unfair for us (the adopted one) to be the middle pickle,in the jar being crushed.
No one should DEMAND loyalty,because it can only be EARNED.


You are a wonderful person
Ferney

[Ferney]

Thank you for your kind words. Adoption is SO hard. They (my biological family) act like I was never adopted! They act like the woman who raised me is NOTHING and lower than a piece of used toilet paper. I wonder just WHY does she have to have no value -- why should my life with her just disappear. Thank God I have no children. How could I explain all this to a kid.

[Ferney]

The concept of earned loyalty is the very same thing I have been saying to them. I specifically have said: " everyone in my world stays there on merit and no other reason." I could care less about "just because you are blood." Do they really think I can forget that they were not there for me during my formative years? They and this situation is so bizarre.

I feel cursed by God.

[Mommy24]

Ferney, I am really sorry YOUR open adoption didnt work.
Best of luck to you!