[kakuehl]

You might want to take a page out of my Mom's book. She didn't call my uncle... she just wrote letters.

With my exDIL, I really don't contact her, but I'm open to her contacting me. I Just don't expect anything!

[layna1980]

I am also an adult adoptee, from an open adoption.
I have relationships with both my birthmom and dad that are great after a lot of work!

I have enjoyed reading everyones stories. and I look forward to sharing mine.

It's a bit convoluted, but I now have a wonderful family that is larger than I could have ever imagined!

Have a great night everyone!

[Needleman]

Ferney,

I read your blog about the emotional turmoil you've been going through and I must say it sounds like EVERYONE is putting you through the ringer and I am very sorry to hear that.

Time to change how YOU treat yourself - others will follow suit, and if they don't, it's THEIR problem. Time to move on, and be around good people who recognize your value.

Re: Your AUNT - everyone is entitled to their opinion - that's what makes the world go round (or in some cases - flat). Your opinion/view of your family is just that - YOURS. Not hers. There is a great quote that I will undoubtedly mangle - A man forced to share an opinion is of the same opinion still.

Mother means a lot of different things to a lot of people, and although I agree with you, again, you are entitled to your opinion. If your Aunt gets heavy-handed, just tell her you heard her loud and clear, and thank her, but you are entitled to your opinion and you could debate this for centuries. Thanks, but no thanks.

PS If Biological connection is everything why were you given up for adoption? It's a two-way street.

As for your biological family - you probably can't change their opinion of your Mom either. They want to see her in a certain light - IT IS THEIR LOSS!

Re: Your mom's relatives - I feel very sorry for them that they are behaving in such a cruel and thoughtless manner. They wanted to refer to you as "adopted child"? Wow. That's disgusting.

I think you should say that it is a pity they have resorted to being so small minded petty and hurtful, and that you're going to surround yourself by people who treat you well. Your door is always open, but not if they continue to disrespect you. I'm telling you - it is THEIR LOSS!

Re: Being told what to think ..
Thank people for their opinion and concern - you heard them, loud and clear, once again. [Thankfully the Good Lord also saw fit to bless you with intelligence and you are capable of deciding for yourself.] You could carry around a miniature box. And if asked, you could joke, it's the suggestion box. If they care to place their suggestions in the box you'll get around to reading them. Now ... I am joking but a little humour is a very good defence. These people are being silly and YOU are not the problem is all I am saying.

Re: People you are "related" to aren't so nice.
Well then you be nice to yourself!
Unless you rely on them financially, or live in their building/house, repeat after me "I'm sorry I'm busy this week". I am hoping you don't live with them and that you can start controlling your own schedule WITHOUT feeling guilty?
If it is any consolation, ALL families (adoptive/non) seem to struggle from time to time with their relations. But why should you suffer? If they make you feel bad, limit your time with them. And if they ask why - say I don't enjoy being around people who are hurtful or mean. I am sure you can put it a little better than that, but until you start hanging around people who actually like you for who you are - what a crazy concept eh - you'll continue to get this grief.

What may help you is this reminder - you do not deserve to be belittled, treated badly, disrespected. That sort of behaviour has no place in society. So buck up and find that backbone I know you have - you don't need to be rude, you need to be firm. And if some members fall by the wayside in your effort to be treated better - so be it. When people know you're not going to put up with it any more, they will start to get the message and back down. There is no need for tears or drama. Be polite, be firm. You'll probably attract a lot nicer people when you treat yourself better.
Make sense?
I really wish you all the best!
KIND REGARDS

[pookaphanlo]

Originally Posted by Ferney

I am an adult who was raised in an open adoption. I would like to discuss this with everyone. I would like to read all of the postings on this site regarding open adoption.

I would like to understand how you all feel. I have very definite feelings on this subject.

hey I'v had an open adoption. what is it that you would like to talk about about it?

[Tiffany_B]

I was raised in an open adoption. When I was 5, my stepfather (mom's 2nd husband) adopted me. It was my choice. I have always known who my natural father is. I have always been allowed to have a relationship with him and his family. It was never kept from me. To this day, I have a great relationship with everyone in both families. I guess everyone's experience is different but I wouldn't change mine for anything.

[cksmom]

from what I have read in this thread I can see that for the adoptee, open or closed, adoption is painful and not easy to deal with.

I use to think that it would be so much easier to know who and where your bfamily is. That is from the perspective of an adoptee in a closed adoption. My bmom was always a shadowy figure that I never thought I would find. Never thought I would know anything about my heritage, background or medical history. It's not easy knowing it now either.

[DoeAnn]

Hi To All, I'm new to the forum and not really sure if any of you come back here? There were a few post that I wanted to reply to and even a few I thought I could relate to...however now that I have read "bromanchik"'s reply I'm not sure I really belong anywhere here! A "semi-open adoption" WOW, what a concept! I also find it hard to believe there is little compassion for those less forutant then others that may have been strapped with addiction problems...something many non-adoptive families have. Why should any of our parents be different then the "norm"...??? Just a question. My heart goes out to "mememe13" I believe I am an older open (cough,hack...semi)-adoption...LOL Gotta lightenin' it up a bit! mememe13 wrote..."the things I fear in my future"... I'm 53 yrs. old I was adopted by my aunt & uncle, my b-fathers sister and here family. My b-mother was sent to prison in a different state from where I was born, a year after I was born. It was evident she had a drinking problem also...no big deal many people do including my adoptive father the only true father I ever knew. But i can tell you it was very confusing when I was younger for I called my uncle, father...and my father, uncle. I have to leave much out for it would take way to long to write it all, so... my b-mother would not sign the papers (she was in prison) unless my aunt promised to not change my first name... and of course she promised and added the "Ann" at the court house 4 yrs. after I had been born and after that day all contact between her and my b-mother was stopped and my b-father was all for that since my b-mother was such a bad seed I guess... fear and low self-esteem do strange things to people, a dysfunctional family. But then again I don't know any one in my neigbhood that wasn't, I meant if you really think about it..lol I mean doesn't the bible say something about "let those of you without sin cast the first stone"? I can not tell you how many times my b-mothers life would be held against me, the troubled teen that I had become after alot of physical abuse and sexual abuse.. oh yeah by my real grandfather. now, I was just thinking about the "ungrateful-thread" 'cause I identified with that one too! But only maybe when I was 14 yrs. old do I remember being angry... thinking if my real mother was here she would love me and I wouldn't feel so hurt anymore and those feelings and maybe some others and some self pity thrown in too, ya know I gotta say that 'cause I know me... and I can BS the world about the way I feel but I can't BS myself the harder one tries not to look at themselves the more painful life becomes... there has been much more pain in my life then just that however at the young age of 26 I changed my life and I started to be a mother to my 5 yr. old son and a mother to my self... the mother I always wanted! I have 2 son's today and I am a grandmother of a 10 yr. old... beautiful boy. May words of HOPE to mememe13... I took care of my fears of the future by taking care of my present life and embracing all that was me... including the pain and I lost the abandoment issuse's when I found myself in me...My son's know my entire life story with all my weaknesses and my strenghts...We never have to make excuses for who we are or who we are becoming.... May you find peace... Peace~Doe

[cmitch920]

I am an adult adoptee who searched for and found my birthparents over a dozen years ago, but I was an adult at that time too. My adoption was private as was my sister's. However, other than thoroughly enjoying the extended family I now have, I don't believe that finding my birthfamily has had any kind of psychological effect on me.