[dpen6]

Hi Ferney,

It ws interesting reading your experiance with open adoption. The one thing that stood out for me was your age. You are 48 and I am 49, I was in a closed adoption.

all I can think of is the moral compass of the time. It was very rigid and it must have been VERY difficult manuevering your way around as a little one. I too, got comments from other children concerning real mother, why didn't she want you ect. But I truly feel that for the time that I was born and adopted, because of the moral rigidity of the times...a closed was better for me. Mybmom would have been and probaly was considered a "loose women" a horrible judgement for a women of thaose times. That judgement would have been projected on to me...no doubt in my mind. I was protected from that with the closed adoption. As an adult...you bet those records are mine and should be opend.

I have had a relarionship with my birthmom and she was a good women but at the time of my birth and childhood....she was not ready to parent me..even though I know without a doubt she loved me. The situation work out for the best...IMO.

With all that being said, I do understand your fustration...its the push/ pull of families that is so damaging to any child...you have a right to gripe. Addd that to the times and it must have been difficult.

There is NO COMPARING an open adoption of that time to one of today or even 20 years ago, your talking almost 50 years...it was another world and I really beleive ferney is NOT making assumptions about anything..realting her own experiance...

[Ferney]

Dear dpen6,

You are so right about those moral times. The woman who adopted me was single and masquerading as a married woman! I was not allowed to tell anyone I was adopted. It is very insightful to point out that today's open adoption would not be the same as it was 50 years ago. I could not even be legally adopted until I was 12 years old. Single people were not allowed to adopt!! And you are correct saying I am relating my own experiences. And they were experiences I would not wish on anyone I cared about!!! I find that very few people understand on an inate level exactly WHAT I am talking about. They hear the words but can not related to the experience.

[Jane42560]

Help, I was adopted by two parents....my life was rough, how can I find my real birth parents? can you help me?

[Jane42560]

I need someone to help me through this journey? anyone out there???

[kakuehl]

Hi Jane,
I think you will get better response if you go to the search and reunion forum.

[nobabymama]

I hope things got better as you got older

[hopetoadoptblogger]

Hi, Ferney. I am an adoptive mother, and I am the host of the "Hoping to Adopt" blog. I am currently writing a series on open adoption, which will start posting at the end of the month. I would love to get your input (as well as others who have experienced open adoption) on the series. I have put together a Top Ten List of why adoptive parents fear open adoption and address those fears. The focus is on any openness versus a closed adoption. I, personally, am in a semi-open adoption with my son's birthmother. I know people in open adoptions with lots of visits and others in open adoptions in which identifying information was shared but all parties have chosen not to have regular contact. The series will talk about the pros and cons of all levels of openness. I will be reading threads about open adoption to help me gather more information on the topic.

Thanks for starting this thread.

Take care,

- Faith

[Ferney]

I am going to visit your blog. I'm curious about what you have there. Thanks for your support.

[lavett96]

I was also in an open adoption. I posted my feelings on my first post. If you want to read it and reply I would be grateful.

[lavett96]

My adoption was a train wreck. I wonder how can they say that they are putting you in a better situation when in fact my situation was just as bad if not worse.

[lavett96]

I don't know if I can help but I am here to listen

[Ferney]

Dear Lavett96,

Sorry for the slow reply. I have been VERY busy!

I cant find your story about your open adoption. What section did you post it in? I would love to read your story but I can't find it.

[full-of-hope]

Originally Posted by Ferney

I am an adult who was raised in an open adoption. I would like to discuss this with everyone. I would like to read all of the postings on this site regarding open adoption.

I would like to understand how you all feel. I have very definite feelings on this subject.

I came here hoping to talk to some adult adoptees who were involved in an open adoption. I have my sister's daughter-she cannot care for her. I have had this beautiful little girl since she had just turned1 and is now 3. I already consider her my daughter and she calls hubby and me mom and dad. My sister has been in and out of her life. She refers to me as mommy and my sister as mommy Nancy. My sister says if she can straighten up she would like to see her every 2 weeks for 2 1/2 hours a visit. How did open adoption affect you? Do you think it is emotionally healthier for open or closed adoption? I know open may be harder for me but I want to do what is best for the baby. I am just not sure what that is.

[MechaAlice]

Originally Posted by full-of-hope

I came here hoping to talk to some adult adoptees who were involved in an open adoption. I have my sister's daughter-she cannot care for her. I have had this beautiful little girl since she had just turned1 and is now 3. I already consider her my daughter and she calls hubby and me mom and dad. My sister has been in and out of her life. She refers to me as mommy and my sister as mommy Nancy. My sister says if she can straighten up she would like to see her every 2 weeks for 2 1/2 hours a visit. How did open adoption affect you? Do you think it is emotionally healthier for open or closed adoption? I know open may be harder for me but I want to do what is best for the baby. I am just not sure what that is.

Wow, this is so much to respond to. My open adoption was in the family, so I went from my birth mother to my adoptive aunt and uncle. I was about four when I was adopted, so I remember everyone. Given the choice, I would rather have a list of my family members, their health problems, likes/dislikes. I don't ever want to go through the meeting of my birth mother and my adoptive mother again. It was like a catfight, both of them sniping at each other.

[kakuehl]

MechaAlice, it sounds like you had open warfare not open adoption! How said that both sides couldn't manage it without the nastiness that was so painful to you!