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Old 01-08-2013, 06:36 PM
Mrs.W Mrs.W is offline
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Needing some thoughts...

So short story I was diagnosed with Severe depression after adoption. Our kids are 5 and 2 3 year olds. I have been seeing a counselor and taking medication. The problem is I still struggle with wanting my children. I love them and please don't think I don't but I don't want to deal with being a mom. I hate the fighting, bickering, mess, and work. We don't know if we can have our own kids but truthfully after adopting I don't want them. I call these kids birth control! No one seems to understand my feelings they think I am crazy my kids are beautiful and people think I am wonderful for adopting and I feel like such a phoney because if I knew then what I know now I wouldn't do it again.

My family would disown me if I disrupted but I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I am so joyful in being a mom but in those other moments I hate who I am... Any advice would be appreciated thanks
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Old 01-08-2013, 09:14 PM
questioning questioning is offline
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I don't really have any advice but I felt sad to read this so thought I would just say something, anything! I have read that post adoption depression, like post natal depression, is pretty common. Do you think it might be this?
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Old 01-08-2013, 09:40 PM
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RavenSong RavenSong is offline
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Your antidepressants may need to tweaked or changed. It sounds to me like you're still struggling with clinical depression. Can you talk to your doctor about your feelings?

What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900)

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Old 01-09-2013, 05:45 AM
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AMom2011 AMom2011 is offline
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pls share your thoughts and feelings with your Dr, he might be very well able to help you, at least a bit!!

and also know, that having kids (bio or adopted) is not always a walk in the park!!

when I had my first 2 bio kids, and they would run around, fighting, screaming, and never seemed to get along, I would think to myself, 'what have I done!!!!!!', I had dreams of having NO KIDS, and yes, at times I regretted having ANY kids.... this was 25 years ago, and I was a very young mom, but I remember the feelings/thoughts of 'will this ever end!!??!?'... and guess what.... it did. Now they are all grown, and I so miss them, sometimes

seek all the help you can get, medical and whatever else is out there. Talk to your closest friends, maybe your mother. I hope things get better soon, and you can see that even though raising kids really IS the hardest job in the world, it also is a wonderful job.

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Old 01-09-2013, 12:35 PM
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aspenhall aspenhall is offline
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How long have you been on meds?

I felt the same way about my daughter from age 3 until age 6. I thought it was me, or her....then after she grew up a bit and experienced other people's kids, I realized 3/4/5 yr olds are awful. I'm actually looking forward to the teen years!

I just kept telling myself "she won't be this age forever". It kept me sane. I also looked at her behavior from a new perspective. If it was something I could see her still doing as an adult, I allowed myself to stress over it. IF it was something she would likely abandon as she grew up, I didn't worry about it so much.

Control is an illusion. You need to find her "currency", what she values most, and use it to help them WANT to behave the way you wish they would. Make it their decision unless there is too big of risk of harm.

As far as the mess, I remember having too much stuff. It was too overwhelming to pick up. So when my daughter complained of it being too much, I believed her, and we decided whatever she didn't want to pick up, I would find a new home for. Every night I tell her, she only has to put away the stuff she loves. Because if we love something we take care of it.
8-25-05 Finalized Adoption of 4 yo girl private placement in an Open Adoption.

I survived/am surviving Post Adoptive Depression
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:12 PM
Mrs.W Mrs.W is offline
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Thanks! I am feeling much better today! We got out of the house and did some shopping we needed to do! We will be going outside. I know a lot of it is giving into my selfish emotions instead of what is truth.
They won't be this age forever Praise God... Everyone always says girls are worse when they are teens I told hubby if my girls are "easy" now I think I will runaway when they grow up! Lol
Right now I really struggle with my little boy I never grew up with a brother and my cousins were naughty but so was I so it didn't seem bad until you are the mama of one of those crazy little fellows who run around screaming and baming things! (We may put off remodeling until he is older and he can bam all he wants!) His behavior truly baffles me and makes me want to cry sometimes on top of his 2 higher than normal need sisters and coming off Christmas High it was all TOO Much for Mama. I really appreciate your responses! Blessings Abagail
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Old 01-09-2013, 05:55 PM
ruth74 ruth74 is offline
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I only have one, and I've had some similar thoughts - not that I don't want to be a mom, but that I can't, that I'm a terrible parent/ person. Get some support. And get out without your kids as well as with them. Sometimes it's hard to feel like a person, and it seems like all you are is "mom". I know that for me, getting to be me, not just mom, makes a huge difference.
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Old 01-16-2013, 01:16 PM
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Sitta Sitta is offline
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Hi Mrs. W,
I hope you don't mind me asking... What were your wishes and dreams when you began the adoption process?

Is raising children somehow different from what you expected?

Last edited by Sitta : 01-16-2013 at 01:22 PM.
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