[psalm127.3]

Our 13 yr old is visiting grandparents in another state and as timing will so often go, her biomom "found" her through myspace. past history of biomom not good, i'm not gonna slam her let's just say her own mom won't have anything to do with her at all. we have kept in touch with biograndma.
i guess the emails started out as "ask your mom who i am?" then they went to "i am your real mom" "i want to meet you" our 13 yr old of course is confused, upset and angry with me.
adoption has been a part of all our children's vocabulary since they were brought home. we have told all of them that when they turned 18 we would not stand in their way of looking for their bios. in fact, growing up our oldest kept telling us as soon as he was 18 he would find his biomom well he's 24 and hasn't looked at all.
is there any advice? we don't want to talk negatively of this woman but we do feel she has jumped the gun and not waited till our daughter turns 18 (5 years away!). our daughter of course wants to meet her other family but it really is not a safe situation and we are concerned once she gets back home from her summer visit the pressure will be on.

[KLL08]

You could cancel her Myspace page and have her create a new one, make it private so the birthmom can't contact her. You can block people on there. If you are concerned for your daughter's safety it may be time to discuss why you are with your daughter. Have you tried to email her birthmother to set up boundaries with contact? If it continues and you are still concerned for your daughter's safety you may need to contact the police and see about getting a protective order.

If however you aren't concerned that she will physically harm you or your daughter and you just want the contact to stop until she's 18, maybe allow a monthly email sent to you. you could review it before giving it to your daughter? Just some suggestions.

[aspenhall]

I agree with the above....If your daughter can't respect the boundaries, she loses internet privledges...Let her know all your reasons....help her to understand and agree with your point of view...find examples and stories of people with the bmoms same issues, explain all the pitfalls associated with a relationship where one person isn't healthy or stable.

(I am not saying all bmoms can't be healthy or stable)