[Candice130]

I hope everyone here understands. I KNOW that I will go through PAD and attachment issues. I want a child more than anything else and I know that I will grow to love my child. BUT, I have attachment issues.... I do not bond easily with people and do not like change. And become very emotional and crazy from lack of sleep. So, I know once we adopt an infant I will be going through this and upset about it. What can I do KNOW will we are still in the process of adopting to work with it/on it? I know eventually I will love my child....it will just take me a while

Thanks for any comments, suggestions!!!

[DianeScraps]

Are you currently in therapy? If not it would probably be a good idea.

Also, even those of us without bonding issues have had to learn the phrase "fake it till ya make it" I did it, it took me a bit to get past the overwhelmingness of the adoption (and the lack of sleep) to get to loving my children.

[kretzklan]

Create a plan to give yourself some relief from the stress that will come in the beginning. Have a time set up each evening when your DH can take the baby and you can have some alone time. I journaled - and it helped to put things down on paper. Plus, when I would go back and read it (especially on bad days) - it helped me realize I really had come a long way, even when it didn't feel that way. I think just being mentally prepared for what may come is the good first step. And, don't blame this all on adoption - it can become a crutch. If you struggle - it is highly probable you would struggle with a bio as well.
Good luck!

[Candice130]

oh believe me, I know that I would also go through this if it was a bio. Thanks for the advice everyone!!!

[Suziebearhugs]

Since you are already aware that this will be an issue I would definately get in couceling NOW. When the baby comes I would also seek out some form of bonding counceling/play therapy. That way you will learn ways to bond with your new baby even if it is difficult at first for you. Hopefully that bond will come in time. But I wouldn't do it alone. Seek help to make that transition smoother and faster.

[aspenhall]

I suggest starting on some mild anti-depressants now like wellbutrin to take the emotional edge off....then give yourself time and space to bond....it seems like the average time for someone to quit feeling like a stranger is around 9 months....concentrate on meeting the baby's needs and holding and cuddling even if you don't feel like it, don't worry about feeling bonded at all for the first year.....once you get to know someone you'll be able to bond easier...also it takes a while to find your groove and routine again.

And look into the Emotional Freedom Technique or "tapping" as it's been called....it has helped me tremendously.