[akcskye]

I hope this can be the right, most constructive place, for this post to be put.

My mother has been doing this to me over the last few months.

She admits it...she's JEALOUS that our children (who look STRIKINGLY similar to me) are adopted, and that any other mother could have created our 2 wonderful, attractive, good spirited kids, but me!

How do you balance this out?

I don't want to offend her by bringing up the adoption, but yet, on the other hand, I am SO proud of our adoption story that when it's appropriate, I love to share it!

Any ideas?

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I am proud to be an adoptive parent too...and I like to share our story. Our children look like us too, but I think our parents are so proud of all that we have gone thru that they too like to share. I would express your pride and tell her that by denying it or supressing it she is giving the message that adoption is not a good thing...when we all know it is!

[loveajax]

My father asked us not to tell DD that she is adopted or that she is black...(I'm not kidding). My mom on the other hand brags to no end about DD, but ends the conversations with, "well, I'm not bragging because she is ADOPTED." (huh?).

People, especially parents, are weird.

I try to let my DH and his siblings "guide" us...they were not ashamed of being adopted, but just felt like it was simply a mere "part" of who they were, like the fact that they were great athletes or whatever, kwim? Although my DD is biracial, it is really weird how much she looks like pale me (people say, "I spit her out."). I used to say, "oh, well she's adopted and biracial and blah blah." Now I just say, "thanks! you think?" Everyone we "know" knows she is adopted, but I just don't tell waitresses and taxi drivers anymore!

[HBV]

It is hard not to want to share the story all the time. We have the same thing w/H, who looks very much like he could be our bio child, and he's a pretty cute kiddo, so we're stopped by strangers a lot.


All of our friends know the adoption story, of course. And we've been on TV a couple of times and there have been a couple of magazine/newspaper stories about our family and H's picture is on the brochure that our agency uses now, so I know there are other people who know the story that aren't directly connected to us.

But we've stopped volunteering it to random strangers NOT because I'm ashamed of the adoption at all (wouldn't have agreed to the interviews if that had been the case!) but because I want this to be H's story to tell when (and to whom!) he wants to tell it. Like loveajax says, it's just a part of who he is, so I don't want to let it define everything about him.

[aspenhall]

I don't use the term "She IS adopted" like an adjective....I use it like "We adopted her" like a VERB. It doesn't describe a person, it was an event that contributes to their life experiences.

[mrsred]

I can't tell anyone my kids are adopted... they beat me to it! Even our little one who isn't adopted yet tells everyone she is going to be adopted!

[nikkianni]

I hate saying DD's IS adopted too. I usually say "we adopted" or some form of that.
My parents were over not too long ago and my Dad was rocking DD. I was talking about the adoption and he said, "She's not adopted, she's just Evie."
Uh, well, yes and no. I definitely want her to feel like being adopted is just one thing about her: Blond hair, blue eyes, adopted, tall.....
So I sort of had to back Dad up a little. Yes, she's just Evie but she's also adopted and there's nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact it's pretty cool.
Eve looks very much like DH and we hear it all the time. She has DH's eyes, nose, whatever. I don't share our adoption story with those people. We just say thanks and go on our merry way.

[MomwithFive]

Originally Posted by mrsred

I can't tell anyone my kids are adopted... they beat me to it! Even our little one who isn't adopted yet tells everyone she is going to be adopted!

Same here, before the adoption was finalized our daughter was telling everyone, she was so happy.

[crick]

I've been shutting up completely about adoption in regards to our kids. Not that I shared it every opportunity or shouted it from roof tops to begin with, but it has been shared from time to time.

However...now that the kids are older and kids are just dang mean...we shut up. It's really too sad that we have to feel like a secret club but unfortunately it has caused a lot of teasing and bullying for my older kids at school. Thanks to lovely uneducated parents everywhere that don't raise nice kids. And I'm not kidding either...you would fall flat on your face to hear some of the comments we've dealt with and the parents that support their soon to be juvenile delinquents in their "freedom of speech". It's been hell..truly has been.

[loveajax]

Crick, living in blissful oblivion here since DD hasn't started school yet. Omg, that makes me so sad. I have always said (and I mean it), I don't care if DD is smart, pretty, whatever...i really only want her to have a good heart. If I ever find out that she is "cruel," arrggghhh! I also hate how parents these days don't take any responsibility for the actions of juniors...and no kid can do any wrong. My parents would never, ever stand for us being cruel. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

[akcskye]

Let me back up, too.

I am speaking when I am talking about the adoption to my mother. I don't think I made that clear.

Because of our uncanny similarities, no one that doesn't know me even has a clue.

Even one of DD's basketball friends said the other day "gosh, you look JUST like your mom"!

I am also not one to put "adopted" before the child.

But the other day, I attended the funeral of my aunt, and saw a lot of cousins I hadn't seen in probably 10 years, and I had to explain to them, when they were asking me "I don't remember you having a little baby last I saw you", that K and K were adopted and they are their new cousins.

EVERYONE was so supportive and thrilled (not close cousins, obviously), but I was just surprised by mom not wanting me to mention the adopted aspect of it.

It's not like a literal stork came to my door, you know? haha

[crick]

ah, okay...well in that case you ask mom if she'd rather you tell relatives that you had babies 12 years ago and keep them hidden in a closet...