[Georgann]

My husband and I adopted a seven month old baby boy from the county in 1989. He was seemingly healthy and we had no knowledge of reactive attachment disorder at that time. He had been taken away from his 16 year old birth mother at 3 months and had been in 3 foster homes before he came to us. He was our foster/adopt child until we legally adopted him when he was 2 years old.

It is impossible to tell the whole story about our lives with him here. He was a difficult child, but at about age 13 or so things got much worse. When he was 15 years old, after lots of counseling, therapy, etc., we put him in a treatment center for troubled teens. He was running away from school, home, coming back home high on who knows what and basically out of control.

He was at the treatment center for about 18 months, and just as he was turning 17, we brought him home, but it only lasted 4 months. We had to have him transported in the night back to the treatment center. This was one of the most painful moments of my life. He was there in the treatment center until this last June when he checked himself out of the treatment center because he was 18 years old, and has been living mostly on the streets ever since.

We had told him that we would help him to get back home if he completed the program at the center which he did not.

His diagnosis’s are, reactive attachment disorder, bi polar disorder, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder and other mood disorders. He also seems to have misperceptions of reality and maybe a personality disorder.

He has anger problems, lies and steals, and has substance abuse. He has stolen from us many times, tried to break into our house, shop lifted, broken into vending machines, etc. We cannot have him live in our house. Before we sent him away at 15, I was afraid to get out of bed in the morning for fear of what would happen that day.

But we love him dearly, life has not been fair to him and beneath all of this he can be a kind and loving boy. He is good with animals, mechanical and athletic.

We have told him that he cannot live with us, but that we will help him get services to help him. He refuses us, but calls us and shows up at the house wanting clothes, food, etc. We will not give him money. He blames us for all of his problems and tries to make us feel guilty.

We are trying to figure out how to maintain a relationship with him, but protect our own selves too. The situation is such a heart breaker. Does anybody have any experience or suggestions that might help us?

[ajjhmf]

Wow, you and him sure have been through a lot.

I wish I had some words of advice, but the best I can say is you might want to cross post this on the Special Needs Adoption Board. There are parents there in all stages and several who are parenting kids out of home and adult kids on their own as well.

[Georgann]

Thank you. I just posted to the special needs forum.

Georgann