[waltersnewaddition]

I know that I have posted before, but I really feel horrible. Logan is having such a difficult adjustment. He has been with us just over 6 months. Don't get me wrong we have made baby steps, but it is still so hard. He turned a year and nothing has changed. Sleeping is still the worst part. Last night for instance he went to bed around 8:45 and woke at midnight and would not fall back asleep until 3:30. He wakes EVERY night. Nothing works. For those 3 hours he cried some, played some, stood up, sat down, etc. There is no normalacy. Every night is just a little different. Sometimes wakes 4 times, sometimes 2. Never less than 2 times. Sometimes for one hour, sometimes for longer. Sometimes just going into him can calm him, sometimes nothing calms him. I know in my heart it is an attachment issue. I try my best to hold him, play on the floor with him. Keep things consistant. Answer his grunts. He is eating plenty. We still give one bottle at night. He has had colds and such, even with a medicine that the doctor says should make him sleepy, he still wakes up. We have tried sleeping with him, the sleep pattern is the same. I have tried homeopathic drops with no success, a few months back we tried the cry method, we have tried the get some sleep with no cry method. I am soooo tired. It is affecting my husband and my relationship. I have four other children and I home school them, and it is affecting that also. We give him a bath before bed. We give him a bottle and put him to bed, still awake, it takes about a half an hour of us looking at each other, while he is in bed, before he falls asleep.

I know that our attachment is growing some, just during the past two weeks he started to hug me, my husband and the kids, with out us asking. But I just have got to find a cure. I do not mind getting up once or twice, but not for hours at a time.

He used to cry and it be unconsolable. (That was during the first couple of months) but then it was more tame. The past couple of nights and days, we have gone back to that. We have never had the "honeymoon" period that so many have talked about. We have had spitting and biting and pushing away.

The thought crosses my mind thinking that he would have been better without us. He would have been happier. My husband says that someone else would have adopted him and he would have been going through the same thing, or maybe worse. Maybe that someone would have had to put him in day care and not had the time to bond. I am giving my all but feel so sad. I want to help him and I want him to be happy.

Sorry this is so long, I just do not know what to do.

[lonni]

My dd did that .She is my bio actually! (my adopted son slept through the night)
What I had to do to survive and get some rest, was take her small room and clear out all of the furniture.We put 2 mattress and box springs on the floor wall to wall and a bed rail on the side exposed. I put some toys in there and the room was 100% babyproof. Then, we slept with her (family bed). We would doze off and on while she played.She dropped that around 15 to 18 months. I thought I would die from lack of sleep.

[crick]

You must be exhausted!! Physically and emotionally!

I'm assuming that your son has been medically cleared by the doctor for any possible biological reasons for his sleeping issues? Ear fluid, sleep apnea etc?

As you probably know, sometimes attachment does affect the sleep patterns and it sounds like he is really struggling right now.

What kinds of attachment parenting/techniques have you tried with your son? There might be some suggestions people have that address this aspect which then might help him to sleep at night.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now, and please know that you are not failing! It's not easy, it's stressful, frustrating and exhausting when nothing seems to help. Don't blame yourself and keep reaching out.

(((HUGS)))

[bajj]

I don't really have any advice as I've never dealt with attachment issues. I have, however, dealt with sleep issues!

My oldest son was not a good sleeper, and still isn't!

My hubby and I would pace the floor back and forth with him. He had a lot of tummy problems.

Is there someone who can babysit for awhile so you can go and get some much needed rest?

It is ok to have to have a break in homeschooling. It doesn't make you a failure at all.

I agree with crick, talk to his pediatrician and see if anything else is happening.

[aspenhall]

In our case, we had a 3.5 yr old whose normal sleep pattern consisted of about 4 hrs at night....period....no naps etc....Until we got the sleeping issue under control, she did not have the tools to cope with the transition and attachment...

We used melatonin after exhausting every other alternative...then after a year, she didn't need it anymore, her brain had been "reset" and trained to fall asleep.....

Try either less, or more naps during the day, and talk to your doctor about physical issues such as breathing etc...

[HappyTwinsMom]

You've gotten some excellent advice here! I wish I had something to add, but I don't. Just wanted to offer support and encouragement.

[Rainbow mom]

Is he in your room? Our son didn't sleep through the night until we moved him into his own room. Before that he would stir then we would and then he knew that and would be wide awake.

Have you (probably have) tried giving him hot cereal at bed time so he doesn't wake for food?

Is there a close family member you could hire to be with him at night for a week or so, so that you could catch up on sleep?

Hang in there. Someday he'll sleep all through the night and you'll panic.

Luv RM

[vernellinnj]

Just want to offer some encouragement to you. You are not a failure and your child would not have been better off without you.

I fostered an infant for over a month and I must say it was the hardest month of my life. The baby was perfect but the waking every 4 hours almost killed me as a single fostermom of the infant +1.

Keep reaching out...it does help.

[joskids]

I fostered a 14 month old that I had a very difficult time with. He was truly a beautiful baby boy, just adorable, but he cried so much, had tantrums, would not make eye contact. You know I really beat myself up over feeling the way I did. I bonded very well to his 5 year old sister. Anyway, things got better over time and both children were placed in an adoptive home where they let the baby boy sleep with them and he has bonded beautifully to them. I wasn't willing to do that, we are not into co-sleeping with our children, we need our privacy at the end of a long day, but I was SO HAPPY that the adoptive family did and their bond to him has been so successful. I have no words to help with the sleeping issue, my children have all slept quite well, but I CERTAINLY send my sympathies. And please understand this is nothing you have caused or are doing wrong. Your son came to you with a history that existed before you ever came into the picture and now you are left with the remnants of his earlier life. Count on friends and family when you can and throw the guilt away. It doesn't help. Prayers do. I will keep you in mine.