[aspenhall]

IF YOU EXPERIENCED PADS please vote.....
Is parenting just like you thought....somewhat like you thought.....nothing like you thought, while you waited and dreamed?

Pick one and feel free to comment!

I hadn't realized that I never made this poll yet!

BTW, I created a duplicate poll to reflect the experiences of the Aparents who did not experience PADS...don't vote there unless you also did NOT experience PADS

http://forums.adoption.com/showthrea...23#post1348723

[proudmommyof 2]

This is an awesome question!!!!


I think that I'm not surprised by how much work it is. I think I expected that. I expected hugs and kisses and tantrums.

What I didn't expect was how deeply I could fall in love with someone. Wow!! I have always been way deep in love with dh, but it doesn't scratch the surface of the feelings I have for my boys.

I didn't expect to feel so much like nothing was in my control. My boys are both very good, but I was always one of those people (I'll admit), that would give kids dirty looks for fidgeting and kicking seats in church, for screaming in restaurants, etc. I always thought, "Well, MY KIDS will NEVER do that." Ha ha ha ha. Not that I don't take action or remove them, but I guess I never realized they'd be their own people, and not little robots that do exactly what they're told.

I didn't expect the anxiety and fear that something bad would happen to them. It's caused many gray hairs!

I'm suprised that, even though I want to take a nap, when I go outside with my kids or play with them, I somehow find some energy.

I can't believe how much I DON'T care about gray hairs or a few extra pounds now. I can't believe how much i DO care now about another child picking on my babies or whether Dennis can write his name neat enough.

Some surprises!!

[treoto5]

My reality is different than my imagination when it came to learning about parenting. There are things parents NEVER tell you that you have to learn on your own.

It's amazing how much love you can feel - so much your heart actually aches from it.

It's amazing how things that once grossed you out now become second nature - like the slobbery fingers shoved in your mouth or sharing that wet cheetoh. LOL!

It's amazing how the sound of their laughter can make the whole day seem that much brighter.

AND it's amazing just how much WORK it all is. Now you have to be aware of every daily activity and you have to teach them everything. They don't come pre-programmed so it can be both fun and frustrating. We are amazed everyday at what they can do and how fast they learn and also at how much they depend on us to teach them, take care of them, and be there with and for them.

My boys rock!

[BestLight]

My first adoption was a very positive experience, but my second (2 years apart) overwhelmed me and pushed me past "stressed." It took about a year to regain my footing.

My vote is what I would have said during my second child's first year.

Of course, he's the love of my life now! I'm so glad he was patient with me .

[bajj]

Originally Posted by BestLight

My first adoption was a very positive experience, but my second (2 years apart) overwhelmed me and pushed me past "stressed." It took about a year to regain my footing.

My vote is what I would have said during my second child's first year.

Of course, he's the love of my life now! I'm so glad he was patient with me .

My second was when i experienced PADS also!

[zebramom]

Great question, and interesting responses. I wonder if this reflects the lack of education from agencies?

[aspenhall]

I think it is more a reflection of a combination of heredity and personality....I guess I'm a head in the clouds Idealist....lol...I romantisized the idea of parenting...

[jude4691]

I don't know whether I experienced PADS.I certainly felt very low the first year of our child being placed with us-I never needed medication though.
Yes it was harder than I thought it would be(and I did think it would be hard.)
The hardest part for me was the conflict between my bkids and the new child, the very controlling passive agressive behaviour of dd and my own horror that I did not love this child when being an adoptee I thought I would be able to bond with her and relate to her.I had worked through loads of my own adoption issues in great depth before adopting, but I found my daughters pain resonated so much with my own pain that emotionally I felt completely empty.Also trying to meet the emotional needs of 4 unhappy bkids was a strain.
BUT 3 years on things are so much better.We have faced the stuff of nightmares,had prolonged times of despair and more tears than I can count but I feel so much more back to normal than I ever thought I would be.The resolution of my own pain has been fast tracked.Dd is definitely bonding and I feel that too.Relationships between kids is much better, though there are the occassional conflicts still.
I expect there to be more problems ahead, but I am not crippled with fear.It certainly develops you as a person.

[AMom2Two]

Originally Posted by BestLight

My first adoption was a very positive experience, but my second (2 years apart) overwhelmed me and pushed me past "stressed." It took about a year to regain my footing.

This is exactly how it was for me also. I had no idea what was happening to me because I didn't experience it with my first and I didn't know amom's could get this. I thought it was all me, that I couldn't cope with handling two children and no sleep and my baby boy being so demanding and not sleeping. I thought there was something really wrong with me. Our bonding took longer too and I started to think that he resented me and he wanted his bmother, which made me feel even worst because now my son was rejecting me.

Now I know better, but when I was in the darkness and being an amom in which everyone thinks you should be so freaking happy and grateful and you've waited so long for this to happen, it makes you feel that you can't share your feelings with anyone. No one got it. It took my OBGYN doctor to connect the dots for me. What a relief to know it was a PADS and NOT me.