[momm2be]

Reading Mike's post I thought I would post about my week. Maybe you can relate??

Currently dealing with a very mouthy child. I was away for business for 6 days. Actually cut the meeting short, because she was plain mean to my sister on day 4 and falling apart on the telephone on day 5. Amazingly she was well behaved for my mother who was here for the first 3 days. Which is odd, since she hasn't been so responsive to her lately.

Now I have been home two full days and am really irritated by her mouthiness, obnoxious phrases, whining (I mean ALOT of whining).

I also came home to find a kid with a mild allergy/asthma exacerbation, lice and a note home from the teacher about DD getting in a "fight" and being pushed down on the playground by her new friend (I am guessing she mouthed off to this kid and the kid got physical??)

So after a trip to the doctor, a meeting set-up with her teacher, and our 3rd de-lousing this year, I have kicked her and DB out of the house for some quiet.

Okay now she has just walked in the house with dog poo on her school sneakers.

I am guessing this is just going to be the average day for us and I should stop being so irritated.

[aspenhall]

I finally sat my dd down and discussed what it means to be rude etc.... and made a goal to work on it...and pretty much put my foot down and now I have less of a problem....but I had to find the absolute worst consequence ever and be zero tolerance in following thru with the consequence.

[dadfor2]

am really irritated by her mouthiness, obnoxious phrases, whining (I mean ALOT of whining).

i have a great idea...

hmmmmm lets get our kids together and see if they get sick of hearing the other being mouthiness, obnoxious, whining...and see which one out lasts the other.

there should be a whiners kid club, where all the kids can sit in a room and be totally obnoxious and mouth off to each other with the hope that they get it out of their systems,,,,,

but atlas, it just seems so freakin constant that i dont even remember when my son can actually talk without being obnoxious and whinney.

oh, i forget, i relate to your post....my little 8 yr old boy has become all of the above

[GCS]

oh boy, do I know what you mean. Sam is only 4.5 but he has been picking up some doosies lately. Today I reprimended him during his bath for making a mess and he sassed me. I then reprimended him for sassing me and the little booger stuck his tongue out at me as I was walking away (saw him in the mirror). It just sent me.

If I dont nip this in the bud now, it will escalate. I know it.

By the way I am finally reading Raising Cane and they talk early in the book about how bad and really inefficent it is to yell at boys. So I'm trying to stop as this has become the only way he listens to me anymore. And I hate doing it. I hate the sound of my raised, tense voice as I tell him to get dressed for the 67th time.
Ugggh!

Christina

[mikeintexas]

I'm sorry gang... right there with ya.

I continue to focus on the idea (as addressed in many of the books we read and reread and reread again thinking surely to God there is something in there that will help us THIS time) that the things that motivate our children to behave as they do are inexplicably different than most other children.

So we keep looking to address those motivations.

Hang in there guys... don't forget to take care of yourselves in the process. They tell us to put that yellow mask on us FIRST on the airplane and then help the others. We have to keep ourselves sane to help our kids...

Mike

[aspenhall]

The sass gets an immediate time out, sorry you're cold....you can get dressed after your time out

The key to understanding this is if you only snap after the 67th time, then they believe that the boundary is at #67, not #1.

[GCS]

you're absolutely right Aspenhall. I am going to look into the 1-2-3 Magic process. I've heard good things about it and it sounds like it fits into my parenting style.

Christina

[momm2be]

1-2-3 Magic did not work so well in my household.

The problem with a sassy child who has been through alot, she always questioned "what will you do at 3?" Realistically any consequence I could enact was no big deal to her. So giving her 3 chances to fall in line became a joke to her. Then she started using it back at me at inoppurtune times (such as work calls) "Mommy, that's 1, that's 2, alright I'm doing this!!"

Egad. Then again she was 6 at the time. I changed my mode to "I ask only once" an then we would leave whereever we were (usually forcibly), stop whatever we were doing, etc. I had to start shopping only in stores with carts (supermarket, target, walmart)- cross the line = in the cart. I have been known to shop for hours with a wailing kid in the cart, not because I needed so much from Target, just I was determine to outlast the 'bads".

[mikeintexas]

We have three kids with three different personalities. We looked at 1-2-3 Magic and thought it would be good for my oldest. We did not think it would be so good for Julia because we were trying to do the zero-tolerance and we thought the 1-2-3 would be too wishy washy for our own apporach. Then there is my three year old and that's a whole different ballgame as well.

With that said, we liked the idea of 1-2-3 and it may come back around. I'm still waiting on LilyMoon's book recommendation to come in (Beyond Consequences) so that may also offer a viable option.

Mike

[mikeintexas]

Oh Janet, I'm sorry but I just reread your post and let out a giggle (on Nat using it on you). Sorry! But I certainly enjoyed it.

[dadfor2]

1 2 3 majic actually worked for my kids for a little while, but they do wait till 3 to stop doing what they are doing

just be careful, because in 123 majic, if a child does not stay in their room, you are to lock their bedroom door.

which for abused children, can be very traumatising.

we still do the counting, but the minute i see my kid budge, then i stop counting.

the goal for time out is for the child to calm down. so for us, when the child is calm, then he can come out, we dont do the 1 minute per age thing.

if my 8 yr old needs to be in time out for 15 minute because he is still 'upset' then so be it.

but thats what we do.

what ever form of discipline you use, it must be very very consistant. the minute you cater to them, you will lose everything that you have been working on before then.

[angelkisses0102]

The best thing for my little sass mouth...who is all of 4.5 is no chances...she knows the expectations and 1-2-3 just doesn't work because they know they have until 3....

I will give her a gentle reminder...and then boom as soon as we cross the line...she loses a priveledge...like her beloved DVD's or the option of what to wear. Yes, at 4.5 I already have a fashion DIVA!!! Or the ever so fun thing of cleaning up after Alex is another joy she gets for sassing and bossing.

Good luck...it is so hard...

[Lorraine123]

If your child has any control issues at all, 123-Magic will NOT work. They will use it to control you and that makes the control issues worse. For them, it needs to be 1-Magic. Also - it was stated to lock them in their bedrooms for non-compliance. Again, for some kids thats fine, for others, its trauma relived. So be sure to think about your child before implementing this strategy.

[angelkisses0102]

Originally Posted by mikeintexas

Hang in there guys... don't forget to take care of yourselves in the process. They tell us to put that yellow mask on us FIRST on the airplane and then help the others. We have to keep ourselves sane to help our kids...

Mike

LOL!!! How very true!!!
Karen

[mikeintexas]

Originally Posted by FH-angelkisses0102

Or the ever so fun thing of cleaning up after Alex is another joy she gets for sassing and bossing.

Karen brings up a good point (yet once again). As was the case in Building the Bonds of Attachment, we don't use time-outs but time-ins. To make this time-in work, we will have Julia doing chores RIGHT next to us as a consequence for her actions. It defeats her goal of distancing herself (both emotionally and physically) via doing bad things to get into time out.

I agree with Lorraine on the 1-2-3 deal... this is why we opted not to use it with Julia.