[angelkisses0102]

One thing that has always amazed me is how little most agencies and social workers do to prepare PAP's to actually become a-parents. It seems that everything is focused on getting the child home....and then boom...now you are on your own. (Yes I know some do prepare you but most don't.)

My agency is nothing regarding the two major issues I had bringing home my DS, our second Russian adoption...PAD's and attachment issues in infants. I'll save the attachment for another day. But, if I had not prepared myself for the potential of these two issues...who knows what could have happened. Luckily because I recognized the issues in my son and myself, I was able to address them.

So, my question is...how and when did you learn about post adoption depression? I learned about it mostly in between our two adoptions when I was researching on the internet....from places like this forum. Also, do you think it is the responsibility of the agencies or social workers to prepare PAP's or should that be the PAP's own responsibility?

Thanks for sharing.

[aspenhall]

I read mine in a book somewhere....I did hear mention BRIEFLY that it exeisted while I was at a support meeting.....basically, some ap's get a depression after placement..its not all that common and its actually similar to Post partum blues. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect what it truly was.....

[ALI143]

I heard about it a tad on this site so I went to support group to ask and no one heard of it sooo I thought it was very very rare. Little did I know .

[maxkinzie]

I found out from this forum. Although I was fortunate not to suffer from it, I think it is invaluable knowledge. I can NOT imagine the grief I would have given myself thinking I was the only one. I've wondered if knowing about it beforehand helped me avoid getting caught up in it...

Actually the past year and a half since DD joined us has been one of the most depression free times of my life. Not all grins and giggles but it has been good here, mostly.

max

[BestLight]

With our first, we were present at her birth and I had several months of euphoria. I lost weight, glowed, and was so happy it showed. It was like being in love ('cuz I was!)

With my second, our son came to us at 4 weeks old. Maybe it's because I missed his birth, or because he was second, or because I was even more sleep-deprived, ...but I feel into PAD for about a year.

I didn't know PAD existed, but our SW was non-judgmental enough that I was able to tell her how I was feeling in our post-placement follow-ups. She found some research on it for me, and soon Adoptive Families had an article on it, too. It meant a lot to me that our SW trusted I would get through PAD and eventually be "normal."

Time and a therapist helped me out. It was a very dark, scary place where I couldn't love myself. I am now available to my agency to talk with anyone else who feels depressed/angry after getting what she hoped for most in the world.

P.S. Happy ending -- my son is in a 3-way tie for being the love of my life!

[Vicki H]

For me , I found out when I was diagnosed. I didn't even know it existed.
Oue homestudy agency did a wonderful job preparing us for attachment issues (which we never had), but they never mentioned PAD.


Vicki

[maddensmom]

I found about it very late in my opinion and on this site. NO ONE at my agency or home study agency told me anything about this or attachement...still a little mad about that...

[scandi]

It has been something that I have been wondering about for awhile but have never really heard anything about until I saw it here. When my son came to me he was very physically abusive. I was restraining him frequently for his safety and mine. I had bruises all the time. Not to mention bite marks.

I fell apart one day at work. Thankfully I have a wonderful supervisor who sent me home with my own driver (coworker of my choice). They also made arrangements for me to meet with a therapist who consults with our agency. I am a child protection worker and have done a few adoptions as well. The therapist told me that I was experiencing feelings quite similar to domestic abuse victims.

Things have changed quite a bit in the past year and a half. I took him off all of his meds and the aggression is pretty much gone. Though sometimes I still feel exhausted/ depressed it is not what it used to be. I have wondered if I have had something like post partum depression but I have heard so many different things about it I don't know if I fit the mold. Some say that moms with this want to harm their child - I can't lie I have run the scene thru my head esp. when he was really aggressive with me but never did it. Others say you just cry all the time - I have never done that.

So, I don't know where I fit but I do know that I have SEasonal affective disorder and the grey of winter always makes me depressed so hopefully know that it is spring things will perk up.