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#1
03-13-2006, 01:05 PM
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Interesting observation...attachment struggles
Hi All,
As you may (or may not) remember, we've had a bit of a setback in the attachment area. Sean has really been pushing back, no cuddling in bed in the mornings, wanting nothing to do with me, major food throwing, testing, etc.etc.etc. Well...the last few days it has been very interesting. For the first time I am seeing him really struggling with his emotions. It is so clear. For example, on Saturday we were in his playroom just after his naptime. Typically, if I am going to hold him, I almost always do it after his nap. Well, he was climbing up on me as if to be held and then actually sort of pretending that I was holding him and "struggling" and saying "no". It was really weird. I couldn't hold him because we had an electrician in the house working. BUT it was SO OBVIOUS that he wanted to be held. ***This is a first*** I have been holding him more often, but without so much pressure. Been trying to really relax (thanks for the advise Karen), be more loving (as opposed to forceful) and trying to have some fun with it - playing games, etc. I feel like this approach is really working. Today I held him early in the morning - he wanted it. It was very relaxed and for the most part no screaming. Some fleeting eye contact too. He has been much more clingy than normal - with both me and DH. We had a low key weekend at home, which was good. It is very interesting the change I've seen. Sorry to bore you with all of the details, but you all are my only outlet for this stuff. I'm sure hopeful that these new developments are signs that we're moving forward a bit! 
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Jeannette (aka Javalita) Sep 2003 - Began process with I 600A Mar 2004 - completed dossier submitted Dec 2004 - first trip March 18, 2005 - Named parents in Stavropol, Russia 
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#2
03-13-2006, 01:21 PM
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Oh Jeanette...
 It sounds like you may have had a bit of a breakthrough!!! That is such good news...great news actually. Those are wonderful signs...they are huge. To me it sounds like he must trust you enough (finally) to be comfortable in the holdings. Are you getting any resolution during holding time? Eye contact...did you say eye contact!!!   I am so happy for you...Clingy is good, although tiring...use it for all it's worth. Alex still likes to 'cling' to me. But when I give my next update...you will be amazed...so use the clingy time to your full advantage. And we are not bored by your details...keep sharing...we are thrilled for you...sounds like you may have figured the little bugger out! 
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Proud Mommy to two...who have taught me I can not change their pasts but I can change me and the way I parent them~ *Yaya~My Siberian Sweetie ~born in 2001~Home 2002~Now 8 and a 'Tween', and in 3rd grade. She's all girl!!!  *Bubbs~My Samaran Sunshine~born in 2003~Home 2004~now 6, in Kindy and such a sweet, silly & special boy!  'My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, Yeah, this, is my wish.' ~"My Wish" by Rascal Flatts
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#3
03-13-2006, 01:35 PM
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Quote:
I wouldn't say I get eye contact necessarily, but fleeting looks. Better than nothin! Do you really think it is a really good sign? I was surprised that he made his struggle so obvious. It is hard to see our little babies in turmoil.
__________________
Jeannette (aka Javalita) Sep 2003 - Began process with I 600A Mar 2004 - completed dossier submitted Dec 2004 - first trip March 18, 2005 - Named parents in Stavropol, Russia
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#4
03-13-2006, 06:30 PM
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Well, it's the body language he knows. I took think it a good sign. Fleeting looks... is his babysteps into the scary world of bonding!! Testing water so to speak...yeah!
__________________
8-25-05 Finalized Adoption of 4 yo girl private placement in an Open Adoption. I survived/am surviving Post Adoptive Depression POST ADOPTIVE DEPRESSION?? Join us here! THE TRUST JAR Official LDS beliefs site
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#5
03-14-2006, 07:09 AM
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Quote:
I agree with Aspen...he is making his baby steps...which are huge! I know for us...ANY improvement was a good sign...so I think it is a good sign...YES!! By him making it obvious to you...he has opened the door...just a crack...but it is opened...to beginning to trust you. If he can show you his 'insecurities' and discover, understand, and actually believe you will still be there and love him...he is making a very dramatic step forward, for him! He is making himself vulnerable...something our kids do not like to do... 
__________________
Proud Mommy to two...who have taught me I can not change their pasts but I can change me and the way I parent them~ *Yaya~My Siberian Sweetie ~born in 2001~Home 2002~Now 8 and a 'Tween', and in 3rd grade. She's all girl!!! *Bubbs~My Samaran Sunshine~born in 2003~Home 2004~now 6, in Kindy and such a sweet, silly & special boy! 'My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, Yeah, this, is my wish.' ~"My Wish" by Rascal Flatts
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#6
03-15-2006, 05:10 AM
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Definately not bored!!
I agree, with him making it so obvious he is showing you that he trusts you. It sounds to me as if huge and wonderful things are taking place in your household.
__________________
The Spanish Way:- Informative chat - 17th May 2004 Home with my Sweetheart - 8th December 2005  Was living here  Now we're here 
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