[aspenhall]

My MIL thought I was just the meanest mom (we actually have a great relationship). UNTIL I (and my bil/sil) let her babysit Autumn (and her cousin) while we went out to the movies.

My MIL was in near shock when we got back. She says she'd NEVER seen anything like what happened. Her words were "The MINUTE the SECOND that door shut, Autumn turned into a different child than I had EVER seen. If that is how she is with you all the time, then keep up the good work and don't let anyone tell you to ease up. You know EXACTLY what you're doing. I had NO IDEA she could get that bad! " Even C (her cousin who is 2) started to get upset that A was being disrespectful to that level!

My In-Laws for the most part have decided that any advice they may have isn't the kind that will be helpful to me...yet. Since the fateful babysitting day (well after I thought her behaviors had mostly dissappeared), they simply show support, give advice when asked, and always re-inforce that I'm doing a GREAT job when I'm feeling low.

Heee Heee I actually KNEW that it would happen when I left her. I even tried to warn my MIL. I guess my lesson in all of this is GET WITNESSES so that you aren't second guessing your own perceptions.

[saxxxy]

Aspenhall,

I had to laugh reading your post because that is exactly what happened with our three year old foster son. My family thought I was such a mean Mom and that he was a sweet little boy who was just a little rowdy. Then.....they babysat him for a day. HA HA
Like you, they no longer thought I was a mean Mom. They thought I was wonderful.
It is funny how a day in the life of somebody else changes ones perspective.

Though he was more challenging than other children may have been I cherished each hug and kiss that I recieved from him double. Each time he learned something new I was rewarded for my efforts.

Enjoy your daughter to the fullest.

[aspenhall]

Oh, yes. She wasn't shy about affection....she just doesn't get the whole "submission" thing. She's happy as long as we treat her as an adult and a equal. BUT she's getting it. She actually grieves over that fact that Daddies sleep with mommies and not little girls..... "Because we're all family!??!" I am finding MORE and MORE to enjoy. I'm re-living the past for others to find patterns in and perhaps hope!

[crick]

I've really not had any family issues persay. Mostly what we get is the ole "you are doing such a wonderful job with them and they have come so far! You are great parents and they are lucky!" So we do have some redirection on the "lucky" comments, but overall, my family has been so supportive and they love the kids!

I do think one thing that helped us is that before the kids came to live with us, we called a family meeting with all the folk that live within a couple of hours from us; family that would see the most of the kids. We had a brunch type deal at my aunt's house and brought along pictures of the kids. Just talked a little of their background (no big details, just a gist) and how we were going to handle the transition. Talked about the fact that we'd be absent from family gatherings for the first couple of months at least and that we wouldn't be introducing the kids to anyone til we had a handle on the initial bonding as an immediate family. Also talked about some of the "re-parenting" things we'd likely be doing etc.

They were really understanding and eventhough they were excited to meet the kids etc., they all respected our wishes and waited for us to be ready.

There are members of the family who have questions I'm not willing to answer but I'm pretty forward about nipping that in the bud and it hasn't been a problem.

[maddensmom]

I am so glad that you experiences like this turned out well. It is so much healthier for both the parent and child.
Here is my experience...

This was most prevalent during our evacuation when we had to stay with family and I HAD to leave him with family members for short spurts. They would let him get away with murder! He watched videos ALL DAY and ate only JUNK! They even gave him SODA!!!!!!! I was furious. And then, their were the comments about how I am raising him... I need to cut his hair, I let him get dirty too much (HE IS A LITTLE BOY!), I let him get wet to much (No death certificate has ever listed "got wet" as a cause of death!), I let him "catch a chill after a bath (How exactly does one streaking, giggling, naked child look frozen to some and very happy to others???), and the list could go on. And as for time outs... well that is most certainly not right. They think a swat on the butt cures everything! Now, why would you make me have to tell you that I'll kill you??? And, can you give him his bottle? No. Why not? Because. Because why? Because I am his MOTHER AND I SAID NO! Then lets critique what I feed him and how. Lord knows that EVERY older woman thinks a mother doesn't feed her children enough. My child is 22 months and 30 pounds. I am perfectly well aware that I am starving him. This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you gave him like 20 pringles 30 minutes ago!
OK...stepping off soapbox and laughing...

[crick]

Tracy...to actually live with family members...whew! That adds a whole other set of elements to be sure! wow...kudos to you for making the best of it, sticking to your guns and getting out of there before you shoved the pringles down someone's throat....

[maddensmom]

Crick... I do actually love this woman. She just COULD NOT GET IT. And yes, we left the day she clapped loudly to "startle" my child into good behavior. If looks could kill...

[mikeintexas]

Tracy - I can't imagine handling that with EVERY OTHER THING YOU HAD TO HANDLE at that point. It's not like you were just on vacation visiting them. Wow. Totally amazing. Congratulations on surviving it.

My mom and dad do have a clue. They've seen it. They saw it the day a stuffed animal came flying at grandma's head. They are on board I think. My in laws are not quite up to speed. But they aren't around as much and live a bit of distance away. So I understand that a bit more, although they have been very respectful of how we are handling things. I'm just not so sure they totally understand why.