[kretzklan]

Just wanted to poke my head in again. It's a hourly "think-a-thon" at my house - at least for me. I not only have good and bad hours...but good and bad minutes. I have felt guilt lately at what we "did" to Rylie (our bio)...it just happened last night...

Delaney was in trouble and I was holding her on my lap and she was getting a stern talking-to. She started crying and straining to get down, so I held tighter. I "won" the battle until she calmed and then I asked her to sit at the bar and color while I worked on dinner. Well...long story short - she kept getting up. I was losing it - I felt like I had done all I knew to do and couldn't handle another moment of this. Rylie came up and said "don't get mad at her Mom, she's real precious"...and he asked if he could take her to read. WOW! From the mouths of babes. I let them read. He read to her for 35 minutes while I got dinner together...
Later I questioned if I'm so mean that my oldest son is scared I'll get mad????? Goodness. I liked hearing that he is feeling protective of them - that seems totally normal for siblings...that's a great stride.
I don't know - this probably doesn't even make sense. I'm just still very tired. AND, like Karen I think about the two children we lost all the time. I have those questions in my mind...

[aspenhall]

Maybe, he was concerned for YOU....saw you stressed and wanted to help YOU out...not necessarily rescue her.

[Bio-adopt mommy]

I find the "claiming" concept mentioned earlier in this thread interesting and true. I was wondering if we could share strategies that may have helped us on our way in claiming our adoptive children. I have found simple little things like purchasing special clothing for my son and getting his photo professionally done to be ways in helping with claiming. Of course, things any mother does for her children like registering them for school and being their class mom makes me feel that way, too. My bio-kids are academically gifted and I am proud of them, while my adoptive son seems to struggle (I mentioned some of my fears about potential problems in his learning). So one thing that helps me in "claiming" is to really find his strengths and accentuate them and feel that same kind of pride. We discovered, for example, that he was a very natural and strong swimmer last summer. So I continued private lessons for him throughout the year and love to watch *my son* excel at that. What helps the rest of you in the "claiming" process?

[aspenhall]

We had professional family portraits done the first month. Mainly it was the emotional act of deciding that whether I liked it or not, she was part of our family. AND whether I liked it or not, I had to meet her needs.

I once joked with my MIL in those first weeks, when she'd asked how I was handling motherhood, "Well, I'm starting small in my expecttaions and then when I master the basics, I'll work on the other parts of motherhood. So for this week my goal is to simply keep her alive and if that works out I'll try keeping her fed as well.....one ball at a time and pretty soon I'll be juggling just fine."

[Adia-Tate]

You see I have the complete oposite problem, I adopted 2 butiful twins a boy and a girl. They are so nice to each other and support each other the thing is I just cant seem to be accepted by them. Well they dont realy accept any one for that matter. I talked to a young lady who watched after the 2 of them when they were younger. She said she had trouble attaching to them as well. She also said that she did a little research and found out they also bear emotional as well as physical scars. She said that when they were little the witnessed the death of there parents. They were taken in by some cruel foster parents. They were beaten and abused when the young woman whose name is Alex found them. She said she found them running down a dirt road with a angry man on their tails. When she finaly got them away from the situation they were "to far gone" as some would say. The boy whose name is Ky suffered a blow to the head from a beer bottle. Doctors say he was lucky to survive but he lost a bit of his memory and cant really remember what happened to him as a kid but he remembers some bits and pieces. The girl whose name is Kay suffered from some lashings with a belt and a few broken ribs. She unfortunently remembers everything about her horrid childhood and I often find her in their rooms in her brothers arms crying. I have them being home schooled because they just dont seem to "fit in" as many would say. They got in fights often with the older kids when they made fun of them. I have tried to attach to them or atleast get them to accept me but they just seem to want nothing to do with me. I know they have suffered and feel hurt but I feel hurt when they don't trust me enough to be accepted by them.

[tn3970]

Some wonderful person saw my post in the attachment section and recommended I check in over here. I am so relieved reading these posts I could cry.

My daughter was adopted at the age of 4 and is now 8 1/2 yrs. old. I am sooo struggling to bond with her. I just don't feel the maternal pull with her. I have 3 bio kids and with each child it was love at first sight. There are good days where I feel very maternal and loving and days when I flat out resent her presence. This is something adoptive parents just don't seem to talk about (What kind of mother would (fill in the blank)....not love her adopted child the same as her bios?)

Anyhow, hello and I will be faithfully following this thread.