[ChitownTracy]

This is a great forum. What i am finding trouble with...is we were not expectating to get a placement right now. And are truly happy and thrilled, just still in shock at times.....
Shocked by the fact that:
~I am now a mother, OVERNIGHT, of a 8 month old
~This 8 month old we thought was closed to us in AUGUST
~ I stopped dreaming about her back in AUGUST
~I am not such a big fan of my DH'S initial parenting skills and his overly controlling ways (out of no-where)
~Our Infertility journey has ended
~I sometimes forget that our IF journey is over, for instance, i will see a HPT commerical and wince....but then a split second later, i am like, hey you have a baby....
~My entire routine is upside down
~Left work 12 days ago, after receiving call at 2pm on 1/5/06
~Wasn't prepared to leave work
~wasn't prepared to have a 8 month old in my home

~Feeling like DH and I will never have a sex life ever again......


is there anyone else out there going through, or have gone through this?????

[Casey677]

Hey, Tracy! I had one phone conversation with our dd's bmom on 6/16. On 6/19 our coordinator called and said it wasn't going to happen while we were making the drive from FL to SC (we were moving). On 6/22 another coordinator called and said M was in labor could we get on a plane??? I was shocked since they just said this wasn't going to happen and baby was early - 35 1/2 weeks. We met dd on 6/24. I had a day to adjust. We were not ready for her.... all of our belongings were still in FL.

I struggled quite a bit at first with the suddeness. For us though, we had been through long matches and that didn't work out... so the sudden baby was better!

The lose of my routine was huge to me. I am very regimented and tend to do the same things at the same time each day. With a new baby... out of the question!!! I was very lucky in that I stopped working a few months before dd was born so I had the time to adjust to not working, which was a HARD adjustment for me... I had always worked and valued being a good, productive employee. You will develop a new routine, I promise!!

I am very much a perfectionist... I had a lot of inner turmoil about how dh would do things... bathe her, feed her, burp her, change her.... it wasn't the way I would do it, so it had to be wrong. I had to step back and let him do things his way, otherwise I would have driven us both nuts. As for your dh being controlling... you may want to talk to him about that.

For me, I thought our infertilty journey was over the moment I had my homestudy done 13 months prior so that really wasn't an issue. I did worry however that while I was out with dd and saw other mothers pushing their babies in their stroller if they could "tell"- that somehow I just wasn't a member of their club, so to speak. Now, I feel like I am a full fledged member of the mommy club, lol!!!

Adjusting is hard!!! I promise it will get better!!! Feel free to pm me if you would like!

[lambeausam]

Tracy and Casey - Do you think the abruptness of your placements took away your vision or dream of how your placements would take place? When you finally reached the placement stage after all of the paperwork, classes, appointments, etc., did you find the placement itself almost anti-climatic because it occurred in a reactionary type situation?

Sam

[Leigh131313]

When we got matched, I had three weeks before ds was born...BUT!!

I had THOUGHT that we were no longer being shown (since we stopped updating our homestudy 2 years previously)

I was just finishing school (decided to go back when we "gave up" on adoption for a while) and was supposed to start a new job on the Monday. How do you tell a new employer that you might not be able to work for them because you MIGHt be having a baby in three weeks??

After freaking out and cleaning every inch of my house, all i could do was sit on my couch, count the hours and say "WHAT THE ****!!!

I'm really glad that I had those three weeks...i really needed them to start to adjust. It felt like i was going 100 miles an hour down a road and all of a sudden to a hard left turn.

I can't imagine how I would have functioned without those few weeks. I would have been a total mess....well...even more of a mess than I was

My heart goes out to those with instant placements....especially when it's not a newborn. At least with a newborn, they dont run around! I think the fact that for most of us, all we have done for many years is yearn and pray for a child.. How can we now say "whoa!! this is hard!!" Well, that's easy...cuz it IS hard!! Ask any new mom!!

Good luck babyproofing and adjusting to your new role. You will find your grove It's been almost 2 years now, and I think I'm starting to find mine lol


sorry about my rambling post!

Leigh

[Casey677]

Do you think the abruptness of your placements took away your vision or dream of how your placements would take place?

Yes, in a way it did. We had three failed attempts before, each with at least a two month match prior to due date which we tried to use to build a relationship with the pbmoms. I felt so rushed and dazed with Hanna's birth that I feel like we missed that. We did spend as much time as we could with M in the hospital and during ICPC, but I think our relationship would be better today if we had had the time to develop it prior.

When you finally reached the placement stage after all of the paperwork, classes, appointments, etc., did you find the placement itself almost anti-climatic because it occurred in a reactionary type situation?

In a way, yes and in a way, no-- since we had had the failed tries, it was really a relief at first that we had finally had success. Then the anti-climatic feelings hit. We had spent 13 months solely focused on adopting a baby, now that she was here, what do I do??? I still found myself checking my facilitator's website for potential situations. During those 13 months I didn't spend nearly as much time learning how to be a mom once we finally adopted as I did looking for a baby to adopt. And being a mom was much harder than I had thought it would be....

[Tudu]

I was under the impression we were babysitting for the weekend. We agreed that the Mom would come and get her on monday and she never called or showed. The next night she called around midnight and said she wanted us to adopt her. Talk about no notice. We had to run out and buy everything. She brought her in an infant seat and and sent couple of blankets, one bottle, 3 diapers, and one can of formula. We had already purchased diapers, bottles, a few outfits and formula over the weekend but that was ALL we had for a 3 week old baby. We were thrilled and the shopping spree we had was a blast!

[Casey677]

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

I think the fact that for most of us, all we have done for many years is yearn and pray for a child.. How can we now say "whoa!! this is hard!!" Well, that's easy...cuz it IS hard!! Ask any new mom!!

Leigh, that is it!! Thank you!!! How could I say that (even if its true) when it is the one thing that I wanted so much???? Thank you for putting that into words!

[eagleskd]

I do have a simular story. We have been looking for a younger child (0-3) for 5 years via our states adoption network. Then out of the blue we got the call. We met with the Caseworkers on a Tuesday, we talked to them for an hour on what he was like and his history, and then asked if we were interested. My husband and I talked for a while (note: I was sold right away, but my husband is the thinker!!) We said yes, and then they asked when we would like to meet him. I said how about today! We met him (D) (D was 2 1/2 years old) and fell in love. We had nothing prepared they said he would move in to our home in two weeks and we got a call the next day, he's moving in on Friday...that was quick!!! We just finalized the adoption on December 2nd!!! What a blessing from above!!

[lambeausam]

Most two oldest sons were adopting after first being placed as emergency foster placements. In both cases, they arrived under the assumption that their placement was temporary. C's birthmother was being placed under 48 hour observation. M was a disrupted placement that didn't just disrupt, it exploded. I helped with caseplans, visits, etc. until the TPR was filed and granted. In each of their cases, finally getting to the adoption stage almost seemed a formality. Don't get me wrong! I absolutely beamed and was giddy with excitement at their adoption hearings. However, the rest of it almost seemed anti-climatic. I think part of it was that I really didn't have any input as to how things would unfold. As much as I wanted to have some control in the events, I was once again reminded that I cannot dictate control.

There are two possible situations that may result in new additions to our family. Of course, I have dreamed about how that will happen. In the end, though, I know that it is possible that neither situation will come to fruition. If one or both occur, then they will scenarios requiring quick action.

Sam

[lippylulu]

Sex? Whats that? Seriously, your feelings are entirely normal. We didnt' even begin to start the adoption process until some time after I got closure on giving up on infertility treatment. I would have had great trouble doing it all at once as you have. Also, being a new mom is exhausting and overhwleming no matter how prepared you are and how much you have wanted this. Its all normal. Don't be afraid to admit how hard it can be. You ALL need time to adjust...months and months and months. All is going much better now...and I am hoping to have some sex sometime in 2006---so there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

[KiraLin]

I don't think your feelings are out of line with the events at all. Becoming a Mom is HUGE...in most situations there is time to get used to the idea. My adoption of my dd went much faster than expected although months faster not like...overnight (my goodness! (as my dd says!) I had a real tough time adjusting. I was originally told about a year and I had a plan about the things I needed to do each month to get ready. Well babies come on their own schedule...however the method. I found myself home with my dd after 7months with a five month long list of to do still undone...nearly a year and a half later some of it is still undone. I still wouldn't change a thing but give yourself time...your brain is still on what I call "How did this happen!" overload. Congratulations welcome to motherhood!