[rumicub]

Ok yesterday I was in here venting, but i Have a confession. You all seem nice enough to be open and caring.

Here it is in black and white. We found a five year old girl on here that is being adopted out(did I say that right?) so my husband wrote to the person which is the BGMA, and she wrote back telling us a little about the girl(will tell in a few). She then asked if we were still interested and if so to email back a little about ourselves and a pic if we had one. I know it was probably really stupid but we did it afterall all she is asking is legal fees. Well I guess it is stressing me out more than I thought possible. Does that mean I'm not going to be able to handle this adoption and parent thing.

Okay about the girl. Her name is Ashley she is caucasion like my husband and I. She has blonde curly hair, and blue eyes. She just turned five in october. But it has been a week and no replies yet does it mean it was a hoax or real and we are out
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[reneetaylor]

Rumicub -
Please tell us that you haven't sent any money! That doesn't sound on the up and up, and someone should not be soliciting adoptive parents on this site. I'd be hesitant to beleive that it was for real. How do you know that that was the child's grandmother, and doesn't that sound like a really nice ploy...getting people to trust a little old lady? If she sent you a picture of a beautiful little blond and blue eyed girl, and offered her to you just based on general facts about you and a picture, then I'd be very wary. That doesn't sound like a caring GMa.

I'm sorry, but I am very skeptical. Listen to Holly, and beleive that God will provide you with the money to adopt from a reputable organization. Don't lose hope. We don't have 25K just sitting around either, but we know it will find its way to us when it is needed in order to bring our son home. Good luck.

Renee

[rumicub]

all she is asking is the legal fees for te adoption and no we havent sent money we are hoping and trusting that if this or another situation comes around the money will be there.

[reneetaylor]

How do you know this lady again? Does she live close to you? I would think that a grandmother would want to continue seeing her grandchild even if she wasn't able to care for her personally. Try to trust your instinct on this and please make sure to get yourself an adoption attorney to represent your interest. Be aware of any inconsistancies in what she tells you, and try to make sure that you feel comfortable with whatever is going on.

[rumicub]

She and the little girl live in California and my husband and i live in Washington. It all sounds lagit because a that she is asking for are the legal fees. We really would like the little girl.

Is it normal for things to take awhile? And is it ok to allow interaction with the bfamily or does it cause problems?

[reneetaylor]

I've never done a domestic adoption before so I really don't know. I would assume that it wouldn't take but a few months to finalize the relinquishment papers and get the adoption decree drawn up. As far as interaction with the birth family, because of her age, I would think that visitation would be a good thing. She would be so confused and scared to be all alone with strangers and never again see the familiar face of her grandmother or other relatives.

Call me a skeptic, but I still wonder about the validity of this whole arrangement.

[rumicub]

Do you think it is ok to try or are we hoping to much. BY the way we are searching for a home church on sunday. We are still hoping that God will allow Ashley to come live with us we do so want to be parents

[reneetaylor]

You'll never know unless you try.

[JustMe]

Rumicube, I'm with Renee on this one and I have adopted domestically, but thru an agency. Make sure that the legal fees are legit. No matter how you go about an adoption, ask for an itemized breakdown of where those fees are going to. And in your case, make sure you have the lawyer's name, the court name, and their phone numbers that the gMa wants to pay fees too. Call them and make sure that they're legit. And to be on the safe side, check out the Better Business Bureau for that law office and just make sure they're on the level. You can see their website here: Better Business Bureau

I get really nervous about Net contacts. There are just so many hoaxes out there and people lose money all the time because of them. I don't care if the fees are legal fees, money to eat with, medical expenses, whatnot. Somebody will always try to find a loophole. You never know if the "lawyer" is the brother of the pbMom and ya write a check to him, he cashes it for the family and volia - they all disappear... You have a right to be concerned.

Does an adoption process take time? You bet your sweet bippy it does! And each state is different in how they handle adoptions, whether it be infant or child adoptions. And trans-state adoptions, where you're in WA in their in CA is even more funky red-tape. No matter what, by each laws, you will be required to pay into and do a home-study and follow up home studies while the adoption is pending - with the child in your home. I don't know about the laws for the states - you'll wanna lawyer to make sure your rights are covered correctly, but I believe that most have a probation period with the Adoptive Parents and the child. For Missouri, it's a manditory six months. It's not like, bingo here's your child, sign this, slam gavel, done deal. Not by a long shot.

Got more to say on the subject...but I have to head out to a Drs appoinment. Feel free to post questions in the meantime!

Holly

[JustMe]

Sorry for the delay, Rumicube...

In an oximoron kinda way, I had to make you wait for the rest of my post...

Waiting is sooo hard and moving forward is sooo hard. It seems like all the suggestions you get in adoption is "wait this one out" -"move forward and do something" - "wait this one out" - "move forward and do something!"

Doesn't it drive ya nuts? I'm going to share a couple of things with ya that I wrote for another board. The first is on Hopeful Adoptive Parenting and waiting:
*******************
A scripture, I'd like to share with you.. At first when I read it, it seemed harsh, but it is so true...

Psalms 127:1a

"Unless the Lord build the house,
its builders labor in vain..."

Waiting is so hard to do, but it too is an important part of the adoption journey. Have you ever been on a long car trip with someone who's eyes were so focused on the destination, that they never believed in stopping along the way? Were they were so concerned with the outcome of the trip, they had no consideration for the other passengers in the car?

If we let our eyes become so focused on our adoption "destination" then we will have missed the joy and beauty of where our journey is taking us. Don't forget to stop and pamper yourself and your family, from time to time. It's OK if you don't think about the agency for one day. Give yourself the authority to turn the cell phone off. Take a vacation from e-mail. You deserve time to stop on the side of the road of your journey now and then just to breathe and live again. Your other passengers (your family) will thank you.

Remember, Just because you stopped at the side of the road for a break doesn't mean that God stopped working too. He knows that you need the rest now, because once He builds your house, you won't be resting again for a long, long time!
**************
The second is about taking things into our own hands when we haven't prayed about it first -
******************************
I liken it to Abram being promised by God decendants. He waits...and he waits...and he waits...nothing happens...he's getting old...his wife's getting old...really old...

then his wife comes up with a plan to have a baby...

...he thinks, maybe this is what God meant when He promised him decendants. He doesn't pray to God about this decision...he assumes it to be true...follows his wife's plan...has Ishmael.

HaParents who wait and wait and wait...can get suckered into an Ishmael plan (NetHoax), if they don't stay on their toes and in prayer. They will pay not only physically, but emotionally for a very long part of the adoption journey.

It's hard to wait for a promised Isaac. It's easy to get sidetracked and think - this must be the way...
*****************
Both those things are hard to read, I know.

Is it OK to try?, you asked. The first question I have for you back is, have you prayed about this? Is God nudging you forward and your afraid of the possible consequences? Or do you have this little red flag in your heart that says, "Wait, this doesn't feel right.", but wanting to be parents so desparetly,you're willing to ignore the warning?

Sweetheart, I know what it's like to think, why is it so expensive to do an adoption when there are so many waiting children out there? They're hurting, we're hurting, and there's all this money involved. Why is there all this waiting and red tape? Why do the states have so many laws and legal stuff?

It's all important and you may not see that now...but trust me, God's timing is perfect. There is nothing wrong with waiting and hoping. There is something wrong with trying to take what He wants for you and "rushing it" when He isn't ready to have you move forward on something yet.

All I can say is, pray very hard about this possible adoption opportunity. Ask others to pray with you too, for God to show you the right way and to give you the discernment and wisdom and the protection needed. Furthermore, ask Him to give you wisdom of this gMas heart and of Ashley's. Seek counseling and guideance as you move forward in this, should God tell you to.

Never stop hoping and trusting in God's perfect timing. But like my momma told me, "Don't accept the first marriage proposal just because your worried you may never get another one. Seek your heart to know what's right."

There's lots to consider and lots of questions you need to ask.

Where's the potential birthmom? How does she feel about all this? Does she have a say in Ashley's affairs? Is the gMa the legal guardian to make choices for Ashely? Do they want an open, semi-openl or closed adoption? If open, do they want visitation rights? If semi-open, how many times for pictures and letters? If closed, who do you all go through should one or the other party change their mind and wish to open it? Can Ashley search for her Mom & gMa when she is older? Are you willing to have Ashley in counseling along with yourselves as you all learn to deal with disattachment issues? Would you be willing to pay for adoption counseling for the birthfamily? Would you encourage them to seek support?

Lots of things to think and pray about as you wait to hear back from the gMa.

Blessings on you!

Holly

[rumicub]

okay im crying again, wow i do this alot. I do feel that this is where God wants us to be, we have prayed about it. Its just that we feel we are being led to adopt but how can we the cost is so high. Its not that we are not trusting God to do this its just frustrating waiting. See we have tried to get prego but 2 yrs ago we found out the baby factory was closing its doors. Then a year ago I found out that I have pcos (poly cistic ovarian syndrom) since then we have become more active at looking into adoption but for some reason God is tryng to keep us out of agencys. We have no clue why and when we looked international we felt as if that was wrong too but if God wants us to do something we dont understand why he is being so unclear about it. I wouldnt mind if the baby were black but God has made it clear that is not what he wants. Its just kinda frustrating ya know

[irvy]

Rumicub, JustMe and others

I want to share a bit of my story. As you can see from my "signature" I'm hoping to adopt. We have been approved for nearly 9 months and have been working on the whole thing for nearly a year and a half.

On to my reason for posting. 3 years ago my husband's business slowed WAY down and things got tough for us financially (the perils of being self-employed.) We ended up behind in our IRS quarterlies and had to pay a substantial amount at filing as well as penalties. In the meantime we had been supplementing our income with the credit card and then had to ask for an increase in our credit limit to cover the payment to the IRS (would rather owe Master Card than the IRS) We still had a car payment and 2 mortgages. Needless to say we were in a black pit of debt. I had to go back to work full time to try to dig our way out and I hated the thought of it. We had been trying to get pregnant for quite a while and I wanted to be sure I could be a SAHM.

Since we had been trying to get pg for a while and nothing was happening we started talking about adoption and then decided it was the right path for us but both still felt very much that if we were going to choose to be parents that we should make the sacrifice of income to have me be home to raise our child. We had certain things that had to be accomplished financially for me to be able to quit work and come home. We had to pay off the vehicle, we had to refinance the home and pay down enough to have only one mortgage payment and we had to have a 3 month reserve in case his business slowed again and of course we had to have the funds for the adoption. WoW that was soooooo overwhelming! We sat down to make a plan and a budget. We had enough in savings to pay off the vehicle but that wiped us out completely. When we looked at the numbers it didn't add up and I was in tears - "I'll never be able to quit work!" I sobbed to my husband and we were both in despair.

We decided that the only option was to take it to the Lord. We prayed for a way to make this work. We shared with Him our righteous desire of providing a home for one of Father's children here in mortality. We shared with Him our despair. Then we looked at the budget again and made a plan. We didn't know how it was going to work but we had a plan of attack on the debt and set priorities on it and then took it back to the Lord and felt that our answer was that our choices were good.

Looking back I'm in awe at what blessings came from turning this over to Our Heavenly Father. Within just a couple of months of making this plan and asking for His help my husband's business picked up immensely, then I got a 22% raise at work. We worked hard putting in a lot of hours but I have to tell you that within 2 months we had paid down the mortgages enough to refinance into one loan at a much lower interest rate, we paid off the car, within 4 months we saved our 3 month reserve and within 6 months we had the adoption fund (or baby money as we call it) and shortly after that we had our massive credit card debt paid off.

During all of this hard work of striving to become financially prepared to become parents we found out that adoption was our only option and yet seeing the Lord's blessings in our lives made that news easier to hear (notice I didn't say easy, I said "easier")

I am now a stay at home wife and as I said earlier we've been approved for nearly 9 months now. I tell everyone I'm an expectant mom because "I'm expecting that phone call any day now." I had been working for a pro football team and decided that I would work through the end of last season and then 2 weeks more to train my replacement because I didn't want to be in the middle of a football season and tell them "sorry I'm never coming back - I got my phone call." It's been nearly a year since I've quit that job and things are still going well for us financially - we've had some slow times and had to use the reserves but we've NEVER had to touch the "baby money."

I have to tell you that I know with all of my heart that if you take your righteous desires to the Lord and ask him with a sincere heart to help you fulfill those desires, if it be for your benefit he will grant you those desires. So Rumicube don't give up those hopes - go to your Father with the specific desires of your heart and open yourself to the blessings he can and will pour upon you.

[rumicub]

Last night my husband and I set out on an adventure, we went shoping before long we ended up in hastings book store. Well I love book stores and so I wandered off in one direction and my husband in the other(a common thing in stores for us). So as I started to look I prayed "Lord, show the book you are sending me after". I wandered into the marriage section(maybe he is working on our marriage first)and started grazing. Guess what he pulled me from that section(I guess not). Next I find myself in the Bibles(maybe a new Bible will give me some kind of a clue. Well it fell open to Proverbs 31, about a woman. So I read it knowing full well what it said. Needdless to say I was inerupted by a woman who worked there "mam" she siad "please dont' read the merchandise before you have bought it" so I put it down. I turned and seen one of those turn racks and started looking at the key chains and stuff. That is when I seen them; First I saw the auto emblems a fish with a cross in it and one that said "chosen girls" its John 15:16 or something like that well i bought them both and also a license plate cover that also says chosengirls. I'm not sure why but I think God is telling me I'm chosen but for What I do not yet know. All I can say is that when he chooses to tell me "Lord help me do whatever it is to the best of my abilities."




________________
Proverbs 31:25
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

[HyaCynth]

I can totally relate. I am now buying things for my 6 year old and 4 year old but it still seems like yesterday that I did not have them in my life yet the years have flown by and I still thank God every day for these two miracles. Being a mommy is the best thing I could have ever imagined.
Cynth

[HyaCynth]

Is it normal for things to take awhile? And is it ok to allow interaction with the bfamily or does it cause problems? [/b][/quote]

ok first I need to know doy you have a home study done by a reputible source? You cannot just adopt by finding a kid. even if they were family you need a hme study for it to be legal.
and yes adoptions with birth families involved can be wonderful we have two of them but they are also work as is any relationship well more so than most relatinships but well worth it.
Cynth