[JustMe]

Writing a profile letter seems like a daunting task, but can I share something with you that took me a long time to get into my head? Because a profile letter is probably one of the biggest cruxes when it comes to presenting who you are and why you are chosing an adoption plan for your family.

If you are a strong Christian - then write your profile letter that way. Don't be afraid of "scaring an expectant mom off". She needs to know where you are coming from and all your families convictions. I think we're told to make things so generic - no wonder we all sound alike in our letters. They become very unpersonal - almost like those lovely credit card letters we get in the mail. "Congratulations Dear Occupant! You've been awared a Platnum Visa with your very good credit. Occupant, we want you to know we care about you!" Do you see what I mean? You know, no one sat down and really put their heart into that letter. It's a computer generation, trying to give warm fuzzys when all it does is leave us cold.

The first thing I want to tell you and anybody who's worked on a profile letter is: Be honest and be totally you. What drove me crazy about all the "example" letters we were given by the agency, was everyone was trying too hard to be "the perfect family". Who in the world has the perfect family or the perfect life? They all seemed so saccrine sweet, but no true heart. At least not their real desires and fears. Just, "Here's my perfect life, and my perfect pictures, with my perfect house and perfect pets." At first, I was intimidated by what I read. How could we ever compare our lives to that? Then the more I read, the more "you gotta be kidding" attitude I got. It was like watching 500 episodes of Donna Reed back to back.

And that's when I started thinking this is gotta be the same thing the expectant mother's thinking. At first it seems overwhelming, and then it just doesn't seem real anymore.

Writting your letter to the expectant family is gotta be one of the hardest things to do. I use to get so frustrated because my focus use to be: How do you put who you are into just a few lines and sheets of paper?

After the "Donna Reed" example letter experience, I changed my focus: If I was the expectant mother, what would I want to know??? After much thinking, I made a list:

I would want to know the adoptive family's true hearts and deepest convictions.

I would want to know if they were brave enough to say, "We're not perfect."

I would want to know that they considered me and my family an intrigal part of the adoption triad, not a "we will remember you and tell the baby about you", as if my family and I were dead.

I would want to know that they treated me with respect as a human, not as a devient or an angel, but an equal human, prone to both mistakes and glory.

These convictions not only changed the shape of the letter I wrote, but has become the boundaries in how we live within our current triad relationship. Now, I realize that this may or may not be what expectant mothers are looking for, but I knew that somewhere out there, there was an expectant mother who thought like I did, and wanted the same things I did. And that's who I wanted in my triad -someone who had the same convictions at heart.

So I tore up all my other letters, and re-wrote my profile letter again. Even if we hadn't of gone through a Christian agency, I still would have written the same thing. Even if it had been suggested that it was too strong, or would scare off an expectant mother, I wouldn't of changed it. This letter is my heart. It's me. And somewhere out there, I knew there was an expectant mom who needed me like I needed her. This is a relationship even between the two of us that will last forever. I had one shot at calling out to her heart, and this was no time to hold back because of fear of rejection.

OK, so there's more than you ever wanted to know about me. But I hope it helps.

Holly

[Bran]

Thanks for putting into words exactly what I was thinking, Holly.

[twyla]

I just have to tell you, Holly, that I feel like you do. And I was afraid when I turned the letter in to my agency that there was going to be a struggle to keep what we had written, just as we had written it. But my worrries were not valid, thank heaven. I talk a lot about my pets and how they are a big part of our family and also about my love of animals and variety of pets from an early age.

I want a birthfamily to choose us that can become a real part of our family and they would need to feel as we do about animals or the match would fall apart or at the least be very uncomfortable for everyone involved. So I think you need to be open and sharing with what your life and interests are really like in your letter to allow God to work in bringing the right people together.

I'd just as soon the birthmother was aware we weren't right for each other by reading our letter than for her to waste her time in contacting us and then all of us being disappointed when it became apparent that we were miles apart in being a good match. It is called "matching" for a reason!