[bfff17]

Hello Everyone,

My husband & I have a friend who approached us about adopting her unborn baby. We would love to adopt her baby and have told her that, we are wondering if anyone has been in this type of situation and how to go about it? we aren't sure where to start so we could use some advice


thanks so much....

[Barksum]

You'll likely get more responses if you post on the "Adoptive Parents" forum. It's on the left of the box that lists the various forums at the top of the page.

I don't have info for you (I mean, I know in general what has to be done) because we didn't adopt privately. Many of the folks on the Adoptive Parents forum have adopted infants in the way you've described.

[Postadoptcounselor]

Hi,

All adoptions require a home study. This takes several months so you will want to get started if you haven't already completed one. You will also need to find an attorney and I suggest hiring one that has private adoption experience. One of the benefits of going through an agency is the level of education and support they provide adoptive families. If you aren't already educated in this area, you may want to pursue a support group for pre or post adoptive parents to learn about common challenges adoptive families encounter. Best wishes to you on what sounds like a beautiful journey!!

[Johnnee]

My older half brother (same mother, different father) and his wife have lost their son (1 1/2yrs old) to Child Protective Services for substance abuse and neglect. Since this happened, they have had approx. 7 or so months to get off drugs, get jobs, a place, and produce a stable environment for their son in order to get him back. They have hardly shown up to his visitations, nonetheless done everything else. So, our aunt and her husband went through the very long and tedious process of taking him in, which included FBI back ground checks, finger printing, etc., etc... Courts wanted her to take him an hour away, four days a week, in order for visitation, which my brother and his wife never showed up for anyways. She refused this, and CPS came and took him in the middle of the night. Now the ruling has been that the parents have 5 months left in order to do what was originally established in order get their son back. After those 5 months have passed, and they have failed, he will be placed in the foster care system and his parents will lose all rights to regain custody.

[sak9645]

To do a private adoption, such as the one you envision, you will need to have a homestudy by a social worker authorized to do such studies in your state. You will also need an attorney to ensure that you follow your state's laws with regard to the way the adoption process is conducted, as well as to finalize the adoption in court. Alternatively, you could work with an adoption agency that is willing to do "identified adoptions" (adoptions where the family, not the agency, finds a birthmother), and it will handle the homestudy and finalization.

Private adoption can be inexpensive and fairly quick, compared to agency adoption. However, there are a lot of ways in which they can go wrong, and there is a fairly high risk that the birthmother will decide, at the last minute, to parent her child.

If your state allows, and if you can afford it, you may want to ensure that the birthmother has her own legal representation and also sees a counselor to work through her feelings about placing the baby. In many cases, taking these steps can make a judge more favorable to the adoption, since he/she can see that you have taken steps to ensure that the birthmother's rights have been protected and that she has not been coerced or bribed. But this is something to discuss with the attorney you hire -- and don't pay any other birthmother expenses without clearing them with the lawyer.

Sharon