[mtnmamma]

My husband and I welcomed our beautiful daughter to our home 4 years ago. Sometimes, I just can't believe how blessed we have been to be chosen by her birthparents to parent her. We met 3 months before she was born and had so much in common - we look alike, have the same interests, and generally the same personalities. We still keep in touch and see each other every year or so, just so my daughter doesn't "wonder" about where she comes from. I love being a mom, and my husband is a terrific father. Our daughter's birthparents eventually married and have 2 children that they parented (at 16 years old!). I guess because of all of our similarities, we have "flown under the radar" so to speak, and although everyone around us knows our daughter is adopted, it has never been an issue, and strangers just don't think to ask. Our daughter knows, we have not hidden it from her, but it has not ever been an issue for us or our family. My question to all of you is this.....we are in the process of adopting a baby due in a few months and the caseworker has explained to us that the father is half Asain. My husband and I love all children...but somehow I worry that this child will constantly be asked if he/she is "adopted" and I don't want them to feel bad or different. My adoption experience so far has not equipped me to handle this new situation, and while I'm thrilled for my daughter to have a sibling...I'm a little nervous. Is this normal?

[soozoos]

It may not be an issue at all. If the dad is only half, he may not look very... put that together with a mom who is not and the baby may not appear to be Asian at all. A caucasian friend who fostered an Asian child received comments that "he has your eyes" often because her eyes really were rather small but she was not at all Asian herself. It is so odd and funny what people say. One friend who adopted from Vietnam laughs as she talls the story of a random woman in a store making a rude comment to her and following it with a jab about her son's oriental appearance, to which she replied, "Yes, we ate a lot of Chinese food before he was born!" Another friend's two Korean sons will proudly tell you that they were born in Korea! She has learned how to cook some foods from their country of heritage and it is not a big thing.

I appreciate your question though. Our ds looks so much like my husband and now we are considering adoption of an older child out of foster. There are many AA boys available. We know it would be difficult at times... more for the child than for us adults. I wonder what sort of responses you would get if you posted this thread on the international adoption board?