[Jody M]

Hi , I am Jody and am doing a presentation on adoption in the Spring. I am an adoptee who has lead adoption triad support groups for 8 and 1/2 years. I know the adoption journey is unique for each person. Adoptive parents walking into adoption carry their "suitcase" of feelings, questions, unknowns, emotions, items, etc. As they continue the adoption journey they may remove things from the "suitcase" add more things or take things out. This is a creative exercise and some can just send a list of things that come to mind or be creative in their prose. Thanks for sharing! Items in the suitcase can be tangible or intangible things- thanks so much! Jody Moreen

[Verncait]

When we first began our adoption journey almost 11 years ago, I think the biggest item in my adoption "suitcase" was fear of the birthmother. I was afraid that she wouldn't like us when she met us. I was afraid that she wanted to be too involved in our lives. I was afraid that our daughter would love her more. I was afraid that she would want her baby back. I was simply afraid of the unknown. And now that I know, I'm not afraid of anything. I love having our daughter's birthmother in her life and I love the fact that my daughter loves her birthmother and asks to see her. I completely support open adoption. Now, if we can just get our youngest daughter's birthmother to meet us. But, I'm sure that fear is holding her back too. Maybe in time...

[foreverbaby]

Hi!

I am a AMom, for 5 yrs. now. I would have to say, adoption was a h*ll of an emotional time from the beginning. I was feeling so many diffrent feeling`s, from thrilled, to saddness,being scared, joy,happiness,etc. All of these feeling`s wrapped up together. I felt the saddness and emptiness from the BMom, (although I could not possibly know what she was going through on that day.) I felt so happy, that we were finally going to be parent`s, after wanting a child in our lives, for so long! I felt scared.. that it was not going to REALLY happen. I felt, joy and happiness, when I held him at the hospital, (like no other joy I have ever experienced in my life.) But.. a big part of me, was feeling what the BMom must be going through, and that was saddness.

I regret to have to say, that we are in an open adoption, and have lost contact w/ BMom,for the last year and a half. She has moved, and we have no fowarding address for her, or phone number. When she does contact us, we will discuss w/ her that we NEED to have some kind of stability of contact, for his sake.

[Jody M]

Thanks for the replies to the adoption suitcase exercise- so good to hear the different experiences and yet some similar emotions spanning from happiness to loss to empathy for other persons in the adoption triad. May God bless you as you continue your adoption journeys and pray God will connect the adoptive families and birth families in his perfect timing and ways. Hope more will share and again I thank you for your openess and sharing your journeys! Jody

[patti Daniels]

I am an adoptive mom and I have had different things in my suitcase as my child has grown. The first thing in my suitcase was fear that the bmom would want her baby back. When my daughter was young, I worried alot that we would receive notice that the bmom or bfather would try to take our baby. When our daughter was older, I worried that our daughter would think she wasn't wanted by the bmom. I wanted her to realize she was so loved by the bmom, that she wanted her to have a home with loving parents. Now my daughter has met her bmom and does know she was loved and is loved. The new thing in my suitcase is fear that our daughter will leave her amom and adad and go to her bmom and bfamily.

[Jody M]

Hi Patti from Jody and thanks for sharing what has been and what is in your "adoption suitcase" on your lifelong adoption journey. It is not uncommon for parties in adoption to have apprehension or fears of those on other sides of the adoption triad. When I was growing up in the 50's/60's/70's many adoptions were closed adoptions. Sadly persons often did not know one another at all in adopting- adoptive parents and birth parents did not meet or know much about one another. I believe this may have caused persons to even feel like adversaries instead of persons who made an adoption plan. I have worked in adoption support group work for the last 12 years- I have not seen adoptees leave their adoptive parents for their birth parents. Of course many have searched and found and some have had a "honeymoon" time in reunions that often does not keep that intense for the long haul. In my situation my adoptive mom and I grew closer after my reunion for then we shared on this unspoken area of adoption we ignored through the years. It is rare that I have seen adoptees move in with their birth parents- I have seen it a couple times- but it was short lived.
It is important to name your fears- for then they can be looked at/processed and coped with and not become bigger than life.
Blessings Patti and hope others will share what is in their "Adoption Suitcases" previously and today!

Jody Moreen

[Beckta]

I am a hope-to-be amom and the waiting is killing me. Not to mention my husband. I think he is not allowing himself to hope so that he won't get hurt. I am hoping day and night to get a call. We have been signed up with a facilitator for a year and they guarantee we will get matched in 2 years time. It's just so hard to wait.

[Leigh131313]

Beckta

Come join us on our waiting to be matched thread! There's a ton of us waiting together! Don't worry about reading from the beginning, just join in!

Waiting to be matched (and I don't mean missing socks!)

there's a link for ya!

Welcome