[CalandraLark]

I don't think it's entirely (not exactly ethical, but pure motivation) the way people request only girls just because they think girls are "easier" (on a side issue this is usually because of the increasing discrimination against males in general) but wanting to have both is not a unethical at all.

My grandparents adopted a boy after having four girls because they wanted both, although many people irritated them with the assuption that they would have rathered to have boys to begin with. If that had been their motivation it would have anoyed me, but wanting to have boy in addition to girls or visa versa is great, while "just wanting a boy/girl" or "prefering to have one gender over the other" is deffinately not in my opinion. Of course I really want boys, but not over girls, I just don't want to only have girls since I never had the oportunity to experience brothers and I think I'd love having boys.

If people have a preference it should be based on reasons that relate to both the parent's good and the children's (all of them) , not preference for preference of gender's sake. So long as anyone has double checked their true motivation for selfishness , preference is a great thing.

[Anne5]

Originally Posted by Bogie

I feel pretty strongly that I need to allow God to be in control of circumstances - and then respond to the circumstances that come. If you specify, are you trying to put a limit on what God can do with your family? Have you prayed about it and truly feel that God wants you to have a girl? God will bring the child He has planned for you, as long as you continue to seek His will. Continue to pray for guidance.

Heather

Back in 2003 I shared that we had put in our request for a girl. It is interesting because we also decided that God would show us the way either way but we were pretty much clear that at the time it was a girl for us for reasons that were not gender biased but simply something that appeared to be the best thing for all at the time.

Well now we are adopting a boy! God seemed to weight in and we were given a boy when they told us the child would be a girl that was brought to us (long story). It was a mix up and we are very happy with it. So I say do follow your heart for the reasons you feel are right but accept in the end where it is you are meant to be!

[kelceesmom]

I don't think it is a bad thing to request a gender. It might make your wait time longer. And look at this way God has a sense of humor. You might want a girl get presented with twins one of each!!!

[treefroggy8]

I had this same exact dilemma and lost many nights' sleep over exactly what you are going through. In the end I decided to go with what I felt - I sat down and imagined a photo of our family and in that photo I saw a little girl. It was the same situation where I wanted to leave it open but the agency said if I did I was choosing a boy. I felt so bad for the boys b/c like you I love having my little boy (who is not so little, turning 7 I am sad to say!)....but in the end I feel that God will bless you for doing what you feel is best and right. He will only send you what He feels you should have....so my theory was that if I said I was open and a boy came along then that was what He wanted and that is how I got my son. But this is different. I think as an adoptive parent since you have two boys it is ok to say you would like a girl now. I really don't think there is a way to "leave it open" as one person says b/c you know you will have a boy so you are forced to pick ONE or the OTHER.
I pray for your peace in this decision. I found peace in mine and I know you will do what is right.
Lisa

[Butterfly26]

GOD PUT that desire in your heart for a reason. If he really wants you to have all boys, you will have ALL boys, but there's no reason you shouldn't speak your feelings and see what happens. ~Heather

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by Sharon

I don't see why not.
I think it's ironic that some individuals (and even agencies) make potential adoptive parents feel guilty about preferring one gender to another, while at the same time it's considered entirely acceptable to specify the RACE of child you wish to adopt.
JMO, ~ Sharon

This IS really weird. You're allowed to choose all sorts of other things -- medical, race, etc. so why not gender? Don't feel guilty. Do what is in your heart.

[Leigh131313]

I can understand why an agency would suggest you NOT select the sex.

For one, alot of emom's don't know the sex - so this would automatically prevent you from being matched with them.

And also - I have had 2 friends this past year have babies that were boys after being TOLD they were girls from an ultrasound. So what if this happens to an emom who is matched with someone who specified sex?


Unless the babies are already born, there are no guaruntees.

[Shai's Mom]

I have one bio daughter. So, when DH and I made the decision to adopt, we asked for a little girl. After all, I already raised one daughter and knew what to do with a girl.

So, we wound up with two totally amazing little boys.

Who knows maybe there is a little girl out there for me. But, if we will get another boy, who am I to argue?

[adopting_again]

We did not specify gender for our first adoption. There were 3 families waiting on a girl, we would be fourth in line, one family was waiting on an unknown until birth (I guess the whole ultrasounds can be wrong issue), and then us, we didn't care as we knew we would adopt again. We have a bio. son. It wasn't a matter of ethics, so much as we knew we'd have other opportunities to get a girl if that one was a boy (she was shockingly a girl). I think you need to go with your gut. If you feel you'll be disappointed if you get a boy, you need to be able to be overjoyed instead. We, as infertile couples, deal with so much heartache, it can be one way to see that as a blessing. We have far more choices than any pregnant woman-what we accept, don't accept. Now, granted, when you're pregnant, many of those things are our decisions anyway (drugs, drinking, choice of partner in many cases), but it's not a horrible thing to have desires. Remember, God gives us those desires and wants us to ask for them.

[bajj]

Just thought I'd let you guys know, the OP posted this in 2003 and has not visited the site since 2004.