[JJemail1]

We have been matched with and are currently visiting once a week a 2 1/2 year old. Our agency only requires 4 visits prior to placement (gasp) but we've opted to do a graduated visitation plan starting with one visit per week for several weeks, then two visits per week for another several weeks (including "day visits"), then overnights, and finally (hopefully) a transition in the new year.

Our little one was raised from birth by the foster parent and I already anticipate that this is going to be tough (on everyone). I've read the highly acclaimed Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft and am incorporating techniques I've learned there. However, I'd love to hear advice from those who have been through a similar situation.

Thanks, in advance, for your candid advice or thoughts.
Jennifer

[wendywalker]

I have been on both ends (foster mother and adoptive mother) transitioning toddlers. Let the foster mother and child occasionally see each other if they feel the need. For bonding with the toddler, my best advice is lots of love and attention. Help her verbalize her feelings about the situation. Drawing pictures is also a helpful way for toddlers to express feelings.

[joskids]

Like "Wendy", I've also been on both sides. When we transitioned our 2 year old foster son to an adoptive home, it was with his 5 year old sister, so I think that made it easier on him. We really liked the adoptive family and have had a nice bond with them over the past 3 years so I can stop by and see the children when I feel the need. They spoil the 2 year old waaay more than I was willing to do and, seriously, I think it's worked out well for them, that's probably what he needed and I wasn't in a position to do it as we knew we would not be adopting these 2 children. Both kids have done very well in their adoptive placement.

We also adopted a 2 year old who had been in her foster placement since the age of 5 mos. What really helped her bonding was that we had a 3-1/2 year old adopted son and the two of them bonded almost immediately (they're still really tight at the ages of 11 and 12). Her foster home was less than ideal, she had very little interaction with others and they seldom took her out so, in our home, I believe she was happier. She's doing extremely well now -- beautiful, athletic, intelligent, motivated -- she's quite the miracle from the reserved, autistic-acting little girl that came here at the age of 2.

By the way, her foster home was 2 hours from our home but we made the trip at least 8 or 9 times and then had an entire weekend with her here, before she was actually placed. I think that helped a lot.

Best wishes on your adoption. Feel free to PM me at any time if you just need to "talk."