[Crissy011]

I'm in a pre-adoptive situation and I'm struggling with how I feel. I am trying to love unconditionally and to have that strong bond/attachment that I know I should have with my son, but it isn't there yet. I'm wondering if anyone else had these feelings...this confusion about being the "right" family and making the "right" decision for everyone. I really am giving it my all (I think), but that love isn't there and I feel SO guilty all the time about it.

[tweetybirdus]

I don't think you can put a timeframe on bonding and feelings. You care about what happens to this child, right? The fact that you feel guilty says that already. Sometimes, it takes time to bond with a child. You're still getting to know one another. Even mothers who have just given birth to their child don't always bond right away. I say, give it time and fake it until you make it.

[TxMom65]

The phrase "fake it til you make it" got me through when my daughter was placed. I think everyone who knew us expected it to be a Hallmark moment when she came home. It was great but not the happily ever after that very moment. The bonding works both ways.

I also had to work on letting go and loving her. She had put up walls and I did too. I lived the first 6 months afraid that she would be moved again. Time does help and the bonding did have to go to me as well as her.