[Chiefs_dip]

Two of my children through adoption were exposed to illegal substances while in-utero. Currently they are both super healthy but recently I had some language delay concerns with the older one. That child is at super high risk of those delays due to exposure.
It just brings up so much anger toward the birthmom who didn't treat their bodies right. Yes, I know I willingly accepted these cases and am totally willing to take care of my children. But I feel so protective of them that it angers me to no end that I couldn't protect them before I even met them.
I know this doesn't make any logical sense. That's why I am asking for any insight to work through this. I do love my children's birthmom but I am angry at the same time.
Any tips from Adoptive Mothers with older children?

[dpen6]

I am not an adoptive mother but do have a child that has learning disabilities, 4 of my 5 kids have had language problems and I didn't use drugs when pregnant. there is a family history on hubby side of learning disabilities and I suspect mine too.

Maybe you could try to relate the language problems to something else ie.family history instead of the drugs they were exposed too it could diffuse some of the anger. Just something they were born with, something that could happen to anyone wheather bio or not.

[TxMom65]

I understand. My daughter was adopted from foster care and her history is more involved. The hardest part is when my daughter asks why her mom used drugs while pregnant. Social workers had already told my daughter that, and I wouldn't have kept it from her but wish it wasn't something she struggled with at such a young age.

[crick]

I've found the cycle of anger towards my kids' bmom comes and goes. I deal with a piece at a time and then I just have to put it away for awhile so I can focus on my kids. Not that I let it show or anything, but just so I can really clear my mind to put my energies on them.

The coming and going is simply due to new issues that might arise and when they do, I get angry all over again.

I do recommend that you vent safely and not let it build up. Talk to other moms who know what it feels like to look at their children and know that there are things that still affect them due to the harm they've suffered. It's not a good "circle" to be in, but it can help to have others to share with.