[LoveMyKids94]

We have it for birthparents and adopted kids. I'm going through reunion issues with my 12 year old and half the time I'm a wreck, but there's nobody who specializes in helping the adoptive mom (the one who jumped through all the hoops to get all the information). It's not fun reading stuff like "Dear B---(birthmother) I think about you all the time and want you to love me. There is a hole in my heart without you. I love you, mommy." Yes, it's normal, but it does hurt me, yet I have nobody to tell. Anyone else find that there is plenty of support for birthmothers and adoptees, but none for us? If I don't get counseling I'm going to lose my mind since I'm doing most of the facilitating to open up a closed adoption (one that THEY closed). It hurts. I love my kids with all my heart, soul, and every cell in my being. Am I not entitled to feel hurt that she longs for her birthmother? I could deal with it if I had a professional to talk to. Just a vent.

[thanksgivingmom]

LoveMy....I hope you are able to find the support you need.

I'm a first Mom and I was told by a supervisor to reach out to my Employee Assistance Program for info on counseling - I contacted them and it was actually entirely catered to adoptive parents.....that might be a place you could look. They could probably make a recommendation for you.

Good luck!

[JustPeachy]

Did an agency facilitate your adoption? If so you could probably find counseling through them. I'm a birthmom and my agency provides counseling to all members of the triad, both individually and in groups, some of which include all memebers of the triad in reunion. You could also opt for private counseling with a competent therapist. If they have experience with adoption issues, all the better, but even if they don't, it can still be helpful. I have a wonderful therapist who does not specialize in adoption and she is great. Shop around until you find someone you are comfortable with.

[crick]

Have you tried googling "therapy for adoptive moms" or anything along those lines? A lot comes up, and if you do it by your location/state, I'm sure something would come up there too.

You might also call a few therapists in your area to ask if they have experience in adoption issues. And if they don't, they will know of those that do.

And yes..you can hurt. Each of us have that permission to feel what we do.

[RavenSong]

You might want to try the following government website search page (childwelfare.gov). There are many support groups solely for adoptive parents. National Foster Care & Adoption Directory Search

I'm surprised you're having trouble locating a therapist. In my experience it's been the opposite problem - I've found tons of therapists over the years who deal with adoptive parents, but not with birthparents.

Anyhoo, maybe childwelfare.gov can steer you in the right direction.

[LoveMyKids94]

It was a private adoption through a lawyer (birthmother picked us). Thanks for the suggestions though. I will definitely look around.

[calee]

I was going to say the same as the others. I have been an adoption social worker in 4 states, and have never had a hard time at all finding counselors/therapists for adoptive parents.

Also, therapists do not necessarily have to be "specialized" in what you are struggling with in order to be helpful. If you find a good all around therapist, he/she should be able to help (if it is a good fit-sometimes you have to shop around)

[Slatond10]

I am an Amom... just sending u a (((HUG))). Yes, I know something like that would hurt. My DD is 4 so I am not there yet but just reading your post made my heart clinch a little. In my head I know that we all have BIG HEARTS with enough love for lots of different people in our lives. Feelings for one does not add or subtract the feelings for another. But the heart tells a different story. There are several good books out there. There is one that some of the Amom's on Guat forum read. I believe it was "primal wound"... I read part of it, and it is a little hard to take. But still might help u understand DD from a different perspective.

Opening the adoption is a WONDERFUL gift that your are giving your DD. While not easy @ this time she will be FOREVER grateful to you later. YOU DESERVE LOTS OF for your strength and your love that you are showing your precious child. I couldn't tell my parents growing up... didn't see it. BUT I DO KNOW that I am older and constantly sing there praises and tell them how much there actions meant to me.

HANG IN THERE...

[hopingtoadopt2009]

Where I am it's a bit hit and miss over counselling for anybody whether it's birth parents, adoptees or adoptive parents. My husband and I are going through with older child adoption and the social workers like us as we are making their work easier because we are making an effort to educate ourselves as they see that as not going with just the right intentions.