[zempagirl]

My husband & I adopted our son in 2006 when he was about 2 months old ( in foster care prior to being placed). He is now 2 years old. The 1st year of our adoption was really great we had a ton of visits with our bmom, her family and her new boyfriend (she met him 2 weeks after giving birth). The first 2 years I have really facilitated the visits that are in our legalized agreement and wrote the letters we had agreed to. She however has never given us the one yearly letter we agreed to even after many reminders. Well when our son was 10 months old she got pregnant again and this time is parenting with her fiancé which we think is great. After her son was born I noticed that there was less contact and responses to emails I would send in regards to visits and most recently asking for her new address so I can send her a letter. I know that is totally understandable now that she has her own child now that contact maybe less this year. I was wondering if anyone has had this type of situation and how did you go about approaching this topic or am I totally blowing this out of proportion? My husband thinks I should leave this in her hands as far as visits go and just take a step back and see what happens- any thoughts?

Thanks for any input!

[HappyTwinsMom]

I agree with your husband about leaving the contact in her hands. Our contact with the b-mom really dropped off when she had a baby almost four years after our daughters were born, followed a year later by another. She was (still is) in a different place in her life than she was at the time of placement.

We've just kept on sending updates, pictures and emails - and we really don't take it personally when she doesn't respond. I guess I feel like if we're doing what we've promised, that's all we can do - the rest is up to her.

[loveajax]

I agree....I remember how exhausting it was taking care of a newborn, etc. so it may be a bit of that.

Contact from my DD's birth mom dropped off a bit after she had her new baby. She also hasn't really sent a number of things she promised to send to DD. It's kind of a bummer, but what can you do? (I'm pretty flaky myself, so I kind of understand). I think all you can do is continue to do what you are doing and leave the doors open.

[zempagirl]

Thanks for your thoughts. I will let things be as they are for now. I have a letter that I am suppose to send out this month and since i haven't got her new address I've been temtped to email her again. But right now I will just wait and see what happens though it doesn't make it any easier. Thanks for your support its so nice to have this forum to post concerns and thought

[gatorkids]

Many years ago, we found adoption.com when we adopted our youngest son. It was a great source of information and support. As the years passed, I found myself away from the site. Today, I showed up looking for answers to similar questions...

Our b-mother wanted an open adoption and I agreed. That first year, we even flew her across country so she could see where we lived and that all was okay. After that, she lost touch. We had no way to reach her at all. Meanwhile, the bfather kept in touch. It broke my son's heart - HE wanted her to know how cute he was!

Anyway, I was in your shoes way back then. I chose to let it be and not push the issue. It worked out for the best looking back.