[kelceesmom]

Let's say your child is in his/her teenage years (15-17ish) and wanted you and their bmom/bparents to go on a vacation together would you be willing?

The hard part is you have only seen the bmom/bparents 2 times since your child was born. You have had minimal contact thru phone and email also. You really don't know these people. Would you be willing, for your child's sake to put your heart out their and spend a week with them?

[manni28]

No. I would need to meet and get to know them first. Just like anyone else I let into my child's life

[lmitch]

My ds birthfather is deceased so I will never know about him but I would absolutely go on vacation with Kyle's birthmom. Hopefully she would be able to bring her other kids and the family tree so to speak would grow stronger. I have developed a relationship with Chrissy over the years and I would be interested to know on more than just a cyber level as that is what our relationship is currently.

[kerrib]

Vacations can actually be very stressful if people don't agree on what they want to do, how much they want to spend, etc. And this is without the emotions involved in birthfamily/adoptive family relationships!

If you decide to do it, I would be very specific about housing arrangements, who pays, what expectations people have for sharing expenses, etc. If you like to lie on a beach and read, and everyone else wants to be constantly in motion, you could all end up miserable. If you are unsure of the finances, arrange to do something where you will not be caught unawares financially - ie stay at a hotel and make clear what charges are yours, etc.

Good luck.

[djvj]

as a birthmother who recently spent a vacation with my daughter and her family, i would urge you to consider this if only for the sake of your child.

it may not be the perfect vacation you would choose for yourself, but you might be surprised, like we were, and have the time of your life. i not only love and respect my daughters family for the BEAUTIFUL job they have done raising her, but i like them as individual people (lets face it, at 17 i chose them because they were the parents i would have wished for myselves.) And in our case my daughter and i are so similar, that i think it was easy for her parents to enjoy and feel comfortable with me.

that being said, each situation is individual, and if you feel that too much time with the birthparents could be harmful for your child than of course you must use your best judgement and make a decision.

i want to share with you one of the greatest moments of my 40 years of life -- seeing my birthdaughters face as her mother opened her arms to hug me -- i think that in accepting the genetic past of your child through action you reassure them they truly are YOUR child...and that you accept them fully. this is just my opinion, but risking a few potentially boring/imperfect days of vacation for the sake of your child's sense of well being seem like a good bet.

of course, i've had a fairy tale story, am simply in love with my daughter's parents as well as her...nobody could have given her more love, compassion, and security then they did, and they will all forever have my deepest respect and gratitude.

hope it helps... i know all situations are different. best of luck to you.
vj