[zempagirl]

I am seeking advice as our birthmom has told us that she having another baby in May. Our son just turned 14 months and I am wondering if anyone has had this experience in an open adoption with your birthmom having 2 children close in age. She is with the father and they are planning on keeping this baby. I know her circumstances this time around are very different. What and how would you try to start explaining this to your child. Right away since he won't even be 2 when the baby is born. Do I identify the baby as his brother or sister? Any advise on this matter would very much appreaciated.

Thanks
Deb

[mom2handq]

As you said, her circumstances are very different this time around. I think you can just explain the reasons why she was not able to be a parent at the time when your son was born, and knew that joining your family was what was best for him, however, when the second baby was born things were different , and she felt she could provide for that baby. I would assure your child that she loved both of them equally, and did what she thought was best for each child.

I would refer to the younger sibling as "your brother/ sister", explaining that they will always have a special bond, even though they have different families.

Good luck, I know trying to figure out how to explain complicated issues to our children in a loving way, can be difficult.

[Hopeful-Hearts]

I agree with mom2handq, birthmom situation has changed and now she is able to do more than she was at the time of your sons birth. It doesn't mean, she loved one more than the other, when the time is right, your son will understand that. Good Luck

[HBV]

We're struggling w/ this, too. I think the changed circumstances are the key.

We are having a little harder time, because her circumstances really haven't changed (except that perhaps they are worse.) And truly, I'm kind of reluctant to emphasize the "sister" relationship that much right now, but that's me, and that's our unique situation.

Do what feels comfortable to you----the one thing we are making sure of right now is that we never lie to H about who anyone is. We refer to N (new baby) by her name and as M's (H's bmom) baby. Frankly, he couldn't care less right now.