[B72707]

Me and my husband adopted two girls this past year. It was not an open adoption. We would like to keep in contact with the brith family - grandmother (mother side). Does anyone know the best way to do that without them finding out where we live? They do not know anything about us.

Thank you for your help.

[jjlutefisk]

We have a picture and letter agreement with my daughter's birthmom. I write her a letter with pictures in it and put it in an envelope with her first name on it and I put stamps on it. Then I put all of that into a larger envelope and send it to the agency. The agency opens the envelope and addresses the letter for us to send to her birthmom. The agency has both of our addresses and takes care of it for us. I send packages every three months until she is 18 months old and then once a year after that.

I feel bad because I have sent three packages to her and I've heard nothing back. I really want a picture of her for my daughter. I don't even know if she's reading the letters yet. But I guess I'm doing everything I can to keep contact and when she's ready, maybe she'll reply.

Hope this helps.

[bajj]

If you don't have an agency or attorney you can go through that you can get a PO Box in a neighboring town if that would make you more comfortable. You can send letters and pics and use your PO box for a return address.

We send letters and pics to the agency and my boys' Bmoms let them know if they want to see us. I have been requesting a visit for a year now because ds wants to see his Bmom. However, communication is difficult due to language barriers and we just haven't worked it out. Sometimes I wish I were fluent in her language and also had her phone #. I've sent her mine, but she's never used it.

[Lovebug]

We do it the exact same way for both of our sons...send it to the agency and they send it to them. It was the arrangement that their first mothers chose. We want so badly to communicate with them and them back to us, but for now it is one way. I also hope that one day they choose to write back as we have asked in the past and never heard a reply.

[HappyTwinsMom]

For the first year after adopting our girls, we sent everything thru the agency...just the way jjlutefisk explained. It worked great for us. Then we opened everything up on their first birthday.

[boxersx4]

when we were working with our bmom of our son, she wanted closed after the adoption.. Fine.. but then we all met and I met her mom, and she was just heart broken that she would never see her grandson grow up.. So I agreed on emails and I would do a webpage for her to watch him grow up.. Ben is now four and has a baby sister and I email her often and she emails me often and she has even been near here to visit and has sent several gifts for the kids.. I wouldn't change a thing.. It has came in handy for some medical reasons to have that open contact..
I recommend it.
Joyce

[nikkianni]

I would recommend sending letters through your agency.
Otherwise the PO Box works well.
We send them directly, though I have no idea if they're read or not.

[Bonnie S.]

We also have a semi-open adoption and send updates to our son's birthmom. He is now 8 years old. We did it every 2 months for the first year, and twice each year since then. We send a letter and photos and it all goes through our agency. They then forward it on to her. She does the same thing, although not on any schedule and not very often.

Definitely ask your agency or lawyer, or get a PO Box.

[zempagirl]

I would contact the agency or lawyer you used for your adoption and start there. You usually can write a letter and give pictures to the birthfamily. Than maybe you cna even get info from them about themselves.

[tanmansmom]

I really like the idea of a web page or just email updates and pictures. If you go the PO route and they have a last name, they can certainly find you via the Internet.

[Rylee45]

I sure wish the people who adopted my daughter would have wanted to keep contact with me.

I begged the agency for pictures of my daughter and even forwarded letters to be given to her but they never gave my daughter's aparents any of the stuff I had sent.

When my daughter tried to find out who I was from the agency when she turned 18 years old, they wouldn't even give her the stuff I'd sent them to her.

They kept them in the file but they refused to give her anything.

It wasn't until we actually met and insisted on getting the things in my file meant FOR my daughter that I'd sent that we were able to get it. I had to threaten with a lawyer in order for us to get that stuff.

So, even if you send it to the agency there's no guarentees that the bmom will get them. Especially if it's a closed adoption.

They will probably use the, "She wanted a closed adoption because she didn't want to be contacted."

That's what they told my daughter even though they KNEW because of my begging and pleading for information even a first name of my daughter for all those years that I wanted to find her and know her.

It was a nightmere!

Rylee

[MyWorld]

I encourage you to do that. At least a picture once in a while. You did not mentioned if you had a way to contact her, just a picture in the mail with no return address should do it. Some people, believe it or not, do not have access to or know how to use a computer. I would do the picture for sometime and then see how you feel about taking a second step. I have an open adoption and having that contact from time to time is a great asset for my daughter.

[MomOf5Kids]

we just recently allowed our childrens' birth grandma to see them at a local McDonalds so that the children could also play. The children do not remember her but their grandma had a fun time. We took pictures of them with her so that they had that memory. not sure how often the visits will be...weekly; bi-weekly; etc...it is still NEW for us.

[lilraskels]

I think this is a wonderful idea. Even if you don't share this with the child right now it is a neat thing to put up for later. My friend emails me her letters to the birth family and I send them from my house. I don't mind because they are the birth parents for my child and they have my addy. You could get a po box for them to write too. Hope this helps. Good luck

[KatiesEd-dad]

Originally Posted by B72707

. Does anyone know the best way to do that without them finding out where we live?

Just a question for you and I'm just being curious here, not judgmental. Is there a particular reason that you don't want them to know where you live? Are they bad people or drug abusers or something else? Like I said, please don't take this the wrong way but I am curious.