[kelceesmom]

When you were going thru the adoption process did you think something would be different for you but it didn't really change?

I thought I would have all these moms that I would meet and start having playdays for Kelcee. I would get to see her make new friends and so would I. Well, that hasn't happend at all Some of it is I work 4 days a week so I don't get out much. Her caregiver is a neighbor of my mom's and she only watches Kelcee so she doesn't make new friends that way. Not that I am ready for her to leave her caregiver. She is WONDERFUL with Kelcee. Someday.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I thought that once they were MINE...legally and completely MINE...that I would stop worrying about losing them. Little did I know that my life is and always will be forever changed because I will always worry that they are OK...that I make it home every night to see them again, that they are safe when they play, that they will soon go to school and return safe to me everyday, that they will one day go to college and get married, but still want to be my baby. Being a mom changed everything. It has made me a stronger woman and taught me the potential to which I can love.

Motherhood is pure magic for me.

[ecs5298]

Dear Denice,

My daughter is 2 years old and I am 45 years old. We go to the park everyday that we can and I thought we would make all these great friends. We didn't but you know I hadn't been down a tunnel slide in years, or swung on a swing, or built sand castles. I know my daughter probably better then anyone else (except my husband..he's wonderful with her and me). I work 3 days a week 12 to 16 hour shifts. What may help is finding a day care (not in home one..I say that because I am against in home ones...they scare me). For 2 days that you work you put her in their. She will meet all sorts of kids, have the babysitter experience, and most of them have kids do crafts, painting, and music. I found it was great for my daughter and now she has a best friend named "Em" whose 3 weeks younger then Katie. It was a hard transition for me more then her. It's hard letting go of them at first then you realize how much they learn. Ask your other sitter if she can watch 2 days a week instead.

Well that's my 2 cents, Take care, Kelly

[Leigh131313]

Actually... I do have all the playdates and mom-get-togethers. I must admit tho - I actively pursued it.

Are there any local mom's groups in your area? I really love MOPS (Mother's of preschoolers - for anyone with kids who are not in school yet) We get together every second week and the support there is tremendous. The group is always working to find more ways to help mom's out.

I have signed up M for alot of mom and me programs - swimming, tumbling tigers and we go to the local drop in. I make an effort to talk to the other mom's and always bring a pen and paper to exchange phone numbers.

Does your city have a "family center"? We have a great one. Ours has a drop in program where the kids play in one area and the mom's sit in another and chitchat with their wee-ones. On fridays they have a speaker.

Any program I put M in without me - this is new because until now he wasn't old enough - I make a little "sticker package" and put a little note on the front. it usually says "My name is XXX and I am 3 years old. If you'd like to get together sometime to play please call my mommy. XXX at 555-1234"

You might feel awkward - but what I have found is that most mom's are just looking for someone to ask them to do something. I am surprised by how many stay-at-home-mom's don't have other mom's to do things with.

I couldn't survive without my little network!!

[crick]

I didn't find the toddler groups that effective for me personally, but realize it does work for many!! I really didn't start "connecting" with others until the kids started school/preschool or started playing sports. That helped a lot!

In answer to your question of "what did I think would be different"....

I really thought that after the initial bonding process and attachment, that things would just kind of "flow" and I didn't realize how much work parenting truly is! It's amazing how much I think of what is important to me that the kids learn and how much I work at it to teach them these things.

I also thought I'd be the kind of mom who played with her kids all the time, did the crafty things etc. I learned I am not that kind of mom. At first it really bothered me, but now I've come to accept that there are other things I do with my kids that count as the quality time, having fun with them, teaching them etc. and it's okay.

[bajj]

Interesting question, Denice.

I think I thought I would automatically "fit in" with my friends at church, all of whom are parents. I am still friends with them and we do get together, but I'm not part of the whole pregnancy and delivery topics that always come up.

There are, however, families that have moved in that are now attending that are also adoptive families. So, we get together and have our, "what age did he come home? How old was she when you started the process again?" type conversations.

I also didn't realize how exhausting being a Mother can be. I love, love, love it and love my children. We do have our bad days, our screaming days, and yes, sometimes I join in the screaming . Over all, I love it, but I am no longer able to function when I stay up too late. I can't just sleep in anymore.

I must say Mother hood is more than I ever dreamed it could be and feel so blessed that it is!

[jaenelle]

I guess I thought there would be this kind of "mom's club" that I would suddenly get access to, but like bajj said -- the club is actually more of a "pregnancy and childbirth" club and obviously I don't know about either of those. So that's been a little disappointing. I don't think they do it intentionally, but some women make me feel as though they don't think I should really be a mom because I didn't "earn" it somehow. Well, I disagree!

I also didn't realize how HARD it would be to keep up with all the extra dishes, laundry, etc. that a baby creates. Our house was pretty clean pre-Yuna and now it seems like we're always struggling with something housework-related.

I love being a mom and wouldn't change anything about it.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

but like bajj said -- the club is actually more of a "pregnancy and childbirth" club and obviously I don't know about either of those. So that's been a little disappointing. I don't think they do it intentionally, but some women make me feel as though they don't think I should really be a mom because I didn't "earn" it somehow. Well, I disagree!

I SOOOOO hear you on this one!!