[kelceesmom]

Sometimes I get so frustrated with DH. I feel like I might as well be a single parent at times. I know DH loves Kelcee but when it comes to doctors appts, or running errands I usually have to take care of things myself.

((((Sigh))))

Ok, well everyone have a good day.

[HBV]

Uhm. YES!!!

I love dh, and he's tons better than he was when we got married, but I am responsible for about 90% of H's care, all housework, bill paying, and apparently, for picking up after dh as well. We both work, so it is frustrating.

I cannot expect him to notice on his own that something needs to be done, but I've noticed that if I give him specific tasks, he'll try to do them. It does drive me a little nuts when he wants praise for doing something (THAT HE SHOULD HAVE DONE ANYWAY!!) but the power of positive reinforcement seems to work, so I praise him.

Here's something funny though---dh is an only child and his mom KNOWS she spoiled him (she apologizes to me all the time about it) So she tries to pick up slack for him. Example: He read in some men's magazine that laundering and ironing dress shirts at home was better for them than sending them to the cleaners.

My response: "How nice, honey, but sorry, I don't have time to iron them for you. Either send them out or iron them yourself."

MIL's response: Once a week when they drive over to play w/ H for the day, she picks up dh's shirts, takes them home and irons them, brings them back the next week.

It's hard to blame him for being the way he is---just have to love him despite it.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Uh, every third day, yes! Josh is a professional firefighter and works 24 hours on followed by 48 hours off. It can get overwhelming (teething, anyone?) from time to time. Thankfully, he is rather good at being hands on with Nick but when it comes to errands? Doctors appointments? The little details? Yeah. I love him but eesh.

[Vogi2002]

Oh yeah....and it hit the fan this week preparing everything for finalization (one thing after another that dh DIDN'T do yet for it and now it will be later than we planned...stupid paperwork).

I love him also....but it's hard when everything is on you. Scheduling dr's appts, bills, laundry, cleaning, dishes, cooking, groceries. Not that he doesn't help out, but he "helps ME out" when he just needs to DO and I can help HIM out. KWIM? I told him once that I need to not worry about something...like dishes...I shouldn't have to ask him to do them so we'll have clean bottles. I need to just be in lala land about it and assume they're done, like he does about so many things to me.

It's not so much that I DO so much, it's more about being the one RESPONSIBLE for it all.

[bajj]

I can relate. Dh is awesome, and he's an awesome Dad. He does work and I do stay home, so most of the care providing is on me. I have told him, though, if I know my oldest ds is getting a shot, he will be at the appointment. Man, last year, it took 2 nurses and the doc and myself to hold that boy down! Of course, they had told him no more shots for awhile and then the state comes up and requires one more for K.

Yes, and my living room is cluttered right now. We moved the boys in a room together so everything in both the rooms is in the living room while we turn the nursery into a play room. Of course, when we need it as a nursery again we will have to empty it again!

I can't function in clutter, so this weekend, he is helping me with all the furniture and that is that!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Not only do I feel like a single parent...but I feel like a single parent to 3 boys...not just the 2!

[bajj]

Originally Posted by Bug-n-Bears-Mommy

Not only do I feel like a single parent...but I feel like a single parent to 3 boys...not just the 2!

ROFL!!!!!! Oh I can relate to this!

[linda512]

I am a single mother and although this is not the way I planned or wanted it, some days I think it's better to just know I have to do it all. I have no expectations of help, so I am not disappointed. When I hear people complaining, that's when I think it's easier this way. But, when it comes to big decisions and wanting adult companionship, I would love to be with a partner.

[Hollygirl]

I feel this way sometimes, too. My DH is a state trooper so he does have a pretty crazy work schedule and he recently started a lawn mowing business to provide us with extra money (ever looked into the cost of formula for twins???? Whew) I work from home but with no DSL hook-up in the boonies, where I live, I have to rent a small office in town. I have to bring the boys to work with me everyday and it is sooooo tiring. Then I go home and do at least 2 loads of laundry, wash bottles, give baths, and make dinner for DH. I try not to complain because I know he is working his butt off. I guess what irritates me so much is that he thinks I go to work and then go home and that's it. I don't think he really has any concept of how much work 2 babies can be. I am with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I used to feel guilty for insisting that my DH help since he is basically holding down two jobs but I have to ask for his help or I would be a crazy woman.........

[shortlittlemama]

My husband actually tries to do quite a bit, but I find it never being "good enough." For instance, he'll come back from a doctor's appointment and not be able to tell me what was said, or he he'll have forgotten to ask some really important question. Laundry- he's ruined enough of my clothes that I have actually asked him to back off. I often get that single parent feeling, but part of the blame is mine for being so darn particular I guess.

[Leigh131313]

My husband works alot - and I'm a stay at home mom.

He does help out, and he is fantastic with M.

The thing that drives me bonkers - he doesn't realize that when he gets home (somedays) I need to get the hairy-heck away from M. Just to gather my brain, kwim?
He thinks I don't understand that he's been working all day. I do know that, and I understand...BUT...m is only up for a couple hours after dh gets home - so that's HIS time to have to deal with him. And frankly, somedays I am just SO frustrated by the end of the day....I need to just walk away.

I also watch a boy with downs syndrome every afternoon - and I think dh forgets that fact. M is always tired by the afternoon and by the time I'm cooking supper he can be a reall little TROLL.

So that frustrates me


But as far as appointments and general care and stuff, I do expect that to be on myshoulders.

[jaenelle]

Actually, my DH is pretty good with housework and stuff. He's already volunteered to stay behind and clean our old house top to bottom -- AFTER hauling all the stuff over to the new house while I am basically responsible for keeping Yuna out of the way.

He does the dishes and cleans the floors, vaccuums and takes out the garbage. He also stays home 2 days a week with Yuna and is responsible for all the care of her those days.

Sometimes I do feel like I'm more responsible for things than he is -- like Natalie, I think, said. He has ADD and a lot of things go right over his head -- sometimes it takes asking him three or four times before he remembers and does something. And I have to be checking up on him sometimes to make sure he is really doing what he is supposed to be doing.

Mostly, I am really trying to compliment him on something he does do rather than nag about something he doesn't. Honestly, after hearing most women talk about their husbands, I feel VERY lucky and just need to remind myself of that more often, I think.

[joskids]

Ladies, I'm with you. I have 4 small children and am in my 50's and I also watch a child with Down Syndrome on school days after school. Right now I have 4 under 9 and our 10 year old granddaughter for a few weeks. And, being in my second marriage, I can tell you that you may as well get used to it. My husband is wonderful. He's a great daddy and a warm and caring husband. He irons his own clothes for work and makes a mean breakfast!! But a man will NEVER understand what you do, no matter how hard and long you pray for it. My mother said it and I tried to ignore her. It's taken me lots of years to figure out how right she really was. On bad days, he listens to me complain but men will never be able to multi-task and do what we do. On good days, I remind myself how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my children while my husband works to support us. And then I go out with my girlfriends 'cuz they're the only ones that really "get it" anyway!!!

[ecs5298]

Hi Denice,

Yes I get that single parent feeling for a different reason.
I work the days my husband is off and he works the days I am off. Essentially we never see each other. We had to physically tell work that we wanted this one day off so we could have family day. We are both health care providers and it's frustrating. My husband generally wants to be involved with everything. Essentially he has to be in order to keep all this together. I think your husband might be scared that he wouldn't do the right things or say the right things. He might want to provide the care your talking about but is fearful that he won't do it right or miss something. My husband always says that this all comes naturally to me but not him. He does an excellent job with our daughter but he gets scared that he'll miss something. He just kept trying...I am critical at times but he is now firing back which means he has confidence in his care which is a relief...it took 2 years. We, or I should say I, wanted a more traditional household. Anyway maybe you want to talk to him more and dig a little deeper into what's up with him. I hope this long response helped.

Ecs5298