[ddhuab]

and I see good and bad points about returning to work, but the bottom line is, if I didn't absolutely HAVE to go back to work right now I wouldn't (because we moved into a bigger house, which would be perfectly affordable except that we CAN'T SELL OUR OLD HOUSE).

So, I would encourage you to do it if you can really afford it. However, I would caution you to possibly not quit until after you have moved and/or sold your old house. I really do NOT save money on gas by being SAHM because we have so many activities. And I also have lunch out with other moms pretty frequently (although we just as often just bring our lunch to other people's houses). So much "free" time also gives me lots of time, unfortunately, to shop. Actually, if I really were a good sacrificer, we *might* be able to continue wiht me being SAHM, but, we just never know if our old house will EVER sell, really, so I need to go ahead and go back.

I have had a great time being at home with my kiddo, and would like to continue to do so, but we all can't do it, as many of us know. Buy if this is feasable for you, (and it sounds like it is) then GREAT! I say congrats and good for you!

D.

[Mommy24]

I have been home for 14 years with at least 1 child with me at all times. I wouldn't trade it for the world!! A few times I have talked about going to work and the kids beg for me not to! They love having me home (probably for the cab ride..LOL) and I really do love being here with them. So I say if you can and you want to, give it a shot!!

[Leigh131313]

Nat - the key (for me) to being a stay at home mom, is to treat it like you would any other job. I plan our days, I have small goals around the house...

I'm rarely bored - and if I am, it's usually because I just don't WANT to do anything I should be doing..LOL


I would not trade being a stay at home mom for anything. The time we have with our little ones is just so darn short - I dont want to miss it.


Just follow your heart - where ever that may lead you.

[jaenelle]

I would say that if there's any way to do it, then do it. I think you're very lucky to have a choice -- a lot of people, myself included, don't. I work because we financially don't have a choice in the matter. I make more money than my husband and my work also pays ALL my health insurance which we couldn't do without.

DH doesn't make as much money as I do, so we debated him staying home, but to add him and Yuna on to my health insurance would have cost SO much to do. We did rearrange our schedules so my DH only works 4-5 days a week and has most of his days off during the week, while I get weekends off. So basically, it means only 3-4 days a week that Yuna goes to daycare.

Also, if one of us stayed home, there would be NO chance for another adoption, as we'd never be able to save up that much money, and I really want several more kids. As it is, it's going to be several years before we can start again -- all based on finances. If we had the money, we'd probably be researching starting again VERY soon.

Everyone has to do what is best for them. For us, it's both of us working. For you, it may not be. I think you're very lucky to have the option to choose.

[Stormster]

Well, my job was all consuming and long hours so we knew there was no way plus I do want to stay home for so many reasons. For me, for the baby/boy/man he will be. I kind of want the home I never had...mom was home but she wasn't "present" you know what I mean?

These are the things we had to give up to make this happen:

Gave up the Gardener
Downgraded Cable
Drinking Tap Water now (LOL it's the little things!)
Selling our car with high payments to a lower end lease (a savings of 250 a month!
Cut back eating out by about a 99 percent
Everything on zero interest credit cards so if we could only make min. payments we wouldn't be stuck in interest trouble
Took long distance international off our phone and got phone cards to call inlaws in UK
Unfortunately we can't get around the expense of our dogs but we are pretty fond of them!

It adds up! Our goal is to save about 750 a month can you believe it? We also should get some tax refunds but you can't count on it...and once every few months DH gets a bonus but that goes right to credit card.

Also, since the day we moved here I have been preparing for this: Library great programs and rent CD's, DVD's and Books. House has great music, pretty rooms (nothing fancy but really nice and comfy) There is even a baby consignment shop about 1 minute away!

I guess what I'm trying to say is once the basics are taken care of, and I mean basics....what more will our baby need? My income was good so we could fix up the house and have a better car but I couldn't care less about those things now.

It's a choice! My sister totally doesn't relate by the way...."she says what about theater? good restaurants? Travel?" BEEN THERE DONE THAT. But I undertand why other women would need that.

[KarynB]

Hi Nat,

Well, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I may get slammed, but I'm willing to stick my neck out for you girl! I remember you saying in many other posts that you love your job - like love, love, love your job. Do you really want to give it up?

While I agree being home with our kids is super important - it is not the only way to be a great parent. I don't think it means working moms have different priorities than SAHM - if you ask ANY working mom they will say their priorities are their kids. But they work for various reasons - to have adult interactions on a regular basis, to contribute financially to the household, to have something for themselves outside the home, because they love their jobs. There is nothing wrong with this - and you can still be a wonderful parent with these goals as well as raising your kids. Please everyone - I am not saying anything against SAHM's ok? I myself am a SAHM right now, but I also know that it is not my long-term plan.

The new area you are talking about - is it racially diverse? Often small bedroom communities aren't - and would that work for Cooper? Will you know anyone there? I moved to a new town while being a SAHM with our middle son and it was HARD. I mean it sucked. It was almost impossible to find anyone I had anything in common with except for the fact we had kids the same age. Which doesn't alays make for great friendships (although sometimes it does, I know). I actually became depressed. It was not a fun time for anyone - so being at home was NOT the best for me and then by extension for my family.

Anyways, I am not telling you want to do but did want to present another side. If you feel being at home fulltime is truly what you want to do - then go for it, they are only young once! But if you are doing it because you think you "should" do it - I'd advise you to think again! ((((((hugs))))), I know it is a tough decision.

Karyn

[Vogi2002]

Karyn - No I THANK YOU!! I want all options and opinions thrown out at me!!

I do like my job...but it's lost it's glamour lately (partly because of how much I miss Cooper, partly because of other stuff). I will miss adult interaction I think, I will miss being "away" and not having a child to constantly be "responsible" for if that makes any sense. That part is so nice, but I also think I might do some part time work if I want to...

The new area is pretty diverse, we have some best friends out there who are also CC with AA children. I'm not sure it's AS diverse as my community now but we haven't been out there enough to really tell. I do know that my friends like it and they say it is pretty diverse...

Funny thing is I feel very lonely where we live now because LITERALLY all our friends live north of Dallas, and we are south. While I know this community pretty well and how to get around I don't feel close to anyone...and that community offers a lot of activities you can go to and what not.

I'm still on the fence. I really WANT to...but I'm not sure if we can. It's cutting it pretty darn close but really the only thing we won't have is a lot of extra money every month to put in savings, but we have our savings built up for that also. DAH! It's just hard. It will be hard not to have a fluffy pillow of "extra" if we need it...or seeing our savings go up every month. We aren't rich now by ANY means but still...

Ok now i'm just rambling. LOL

[Leigh131313]

Karyn - I absolutely agree. There is no right or wrong when it comes to these things - only what is right for us individually.

[KarynB]

Aw shucks, I knew you guys would understand

Can I say one more thing? I believe it is also really important for black kids to see black families who are raising their kids - not just CC parents raising AA kids, know what I mean? They need to see that black adults can be loving, caring, responsible people and parents too...anyways, I am now officially off my soapbox (-:

I think if the main thing is financial (ie: you want to be at home with Coop but are just worried about money) then go for it! It sucks to not be able to save, but it sucks more to not enjoy his babyhood as much as possible!!! We make due with what we have, you know? If you have a lot, you spend a lot...if you know you have to be more careful you will be. And if there is tons to do right out your door then that sounds awesome. But it can be really hard if you are stuck at home with no money to go out and do stuff (trust me, been there, done that) like meet friends for lunch etc.

Wow, sounds like I am waffling more than you. What a big help I am (-:

[Vogi2002]

Oh yeah Karyn - I TOTALLY agree! They do have a lot of diversity, I just spoke with my friend who confirmed it. She said it's not quite as diverse as where I'm from, but it still is. Plus she said that it's not as close to the "bad parts" as I am...as there is a lot of diversity in a town next to us, but not all "good" (gangs with specific races, etc) It's not close enough for us to mind living here but it's close enough for me to worry. KWIM?

[KarynB]

Well, good luck with your decision, Nat, I know it must be a tough one!

[loveajax]

Nat, I couldn't stay home full time if I wanted to, but I'm not sure if I would if I could either. I am an attorney and I have worked really hard to be where I am, enjoy my career, etc.

I did, however, go to 4 days/week, and have really enjoyed having that extra day with my DD (she is with my mom, MIL and SIL the remaining days, so I have never had day care "anxiety").

I don't know what your career is, but many of my friends who are SAHMs and whose kids have started school are having these "identity crises" (not that they regret their decision, but just wondering, what's next?, etc.).

Last night I spoke with my sis who is a SAHM with three kids. Her husband just lost his (cushy) job and she is feeling incredibly anxious. I don't know if that would be an issue with you (my husband is self-employed so I always know there will be "some" (not much!) money coming in.

Btw, I personally feel staying at home is MUCH HARDER than working outside the home, and I applaud women who do it.

There is no right or wrong, just what works best for you and your family!

Good luck!!!

[dragonfly1234]

Natalie,
Everyone has very good points.

You brought up the concern of not having enough adult conversation. I really had a tough time for the first six months once dh and I made the decision that I would stay home. I loved my career but didn't want to miss my time with my children. Adult conversation is so important and I started to go a little stir crazy. I began working part time and earning a little extra money is great. I get my adult conversation and dh gets his one on one time with our boys with out mommy around. I also began doing alot of volunteer work where the kids go with me to the various meetings and events.

Everyone must make the decision based on what works for them. There is no wrong or right. It is such an individual decision.

I know you will make the right decision for you and your family.