[kelceesmom]

Sometimes I think that only other adoptive moms can understand where we are coming from in our fears prior to TPR. Does anyone have any special ways of dealing with the fears, any kind of support group.

[enerad]

I am not sure what TPR is... but I do think as adoptive families it's a great help to have others to talk with and understand the process. We were apart of an adoptive parent support group and we would get together and talk as moms. It was a nice safe place to discuss... birthmom contacted us, worries about your child (special needs), or the for me... people with their questions about my children. I found that there was a different understanding. We all had experience infertility issues, and understood each other feelings. When I was apart of a twins moms group, nothing with adoption. I found that there was a lack of understanding when we were thrilled with finalizing our adoption. They didn't want to hear about the social worker visits, or my concerns about my children's development. They were busy talking about breast feeding, etc...

So... check in your area. Our support group came from RESOLVE of NOrthern California. I have to admit that I am not finding the same type of group in Colorado where we live now.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

We have a local pre/post adoption support group that was started thru the DCFS office. It was VERY helpful when we were going thru the TPR process. More so was our licensor...she was a saint!

TPR is not something that many people understand. For the longest time my MIL did not understand that it was not a 3 strikes you are out thing. She was waiting for b-mom to miss 3 visits and figured it was over at that point. She did not realize the complexity or emotional toll it took until she was in the courthouse on adoption day.

[HBV]

We just drove everyone we knew crazy and called in every favor we could. The TPR for the bparents wasn't that awful---both bparents willingly consented, but we had an Indian tribe involved that threatened to intervene. We did not know that H's bfather was Native American until H had been home w/ us for 10 weeks. I cried every day from the day we found out until finalization. When I wasn't crying, dh and I were in full battle mode. We leaned on my law partners, my friends, our adoption coordinator and social worker and our families HEAVILY.

We had literally dozens of different lawyers and the tribal chief calling the tribal adoption offices about it---we refer to them as H's fairy godlawyers.

[tanmansmom]

We are 10 months in and still going through it. Bmom signed a week after TJ was born, but we are still trying to locate bdad. We are now in the publication phase, just waiting for the citation from the courts. The kicker is, even after it is published, rights terminated and finalization takes place, bdad still has 6 months to ask that the finalization be set aside. It doesn't mean that it would be granted, but it could be. So, looks like we will be biting our nails for at least 8 more months. My previous lawyer said that she didn't see any reason for me to worry like I was, she went on to say that I have just convienced myself that the bdad is going to reappear and try to take TJ. I told her that since she didn't have to face the fact that someone could waltz in and take away her son that she didn't really understand what I was going through. I now have a different lawyer Sorry, I digress...getting through it. I choose to cry. Sometimes the idea that there is even 1% chance that I could lose him grips me with such fear that I just break down. I don't do it when TJ is around because we are too busy, it is times like now when he is napping and I have a little time to think. Take solice in knowing that others KNOW EXACTLY what you are going though because we are going though it too!!! And yes, only adoptive parents can understand the fear.

[bajj]

Fortunately, our church family has several other families who build their family through adoption and understand. We are all a big support for each other.

[Leigh131313]

We have quite a big adoptive parents group here in my city. So, they are there...but honestly, I find the anonymity of the internet quite appealing...

I don't know why....but...I think when things go wrong, I prefer to find solace here than anywhere else...

[cathi1992]

Enerad, where in Colorado are you? We are up north, Loveland, Fort Collins, Greeley area. I don't know of any groups either but it is always nice to get to know other adoptive families in the area.

As to support I just educate everyone as I need the support. Our circle of friends, family, and church group have such a strong understanding of the adoption process now because we sent out detailed e-mails almost daily during a recent match, placement and interuption. I told them our worries and concerns and what we needed them to pray for (birth family, and our ability to accept His will for our lives). I found that those that love us want to understand better and support us through this, they just need to be told how. It was so uplifting each time I passed my computer to find another encouraging note from a friend.

I would love to find a local support group though. I love to educate but there are times that I would love to just have someone understand without having to say a word.

Cathi