[wannabamom]

Hi,
I am an adoptive mother of 13 month old, but I haven't had a great relationship with my own (bio) mother since I turned 16 and didn't join Medical school, etc.. like my mom wanted. And my Parents used to fight some of the time, my Dad is sick now, and I fear how this will all affect my relationship with my daughter as she grows up, given the fact that adoption is also added to the concoction!!!! Sometimes, my mom doesn't even talk to me (she was 17 when I was born and resents me for it, because she wanted to do so many things in her life), but how do I deal with all this?????
Thanks,

[proudmommyof 2]

Do what I do: Figure out what makes you relationship with your mom so difficult. Figure out what it is she says/does that really gets to you-then make an effort to do the exact opposite with your own little one. History does NOT have to repeat itself.

[bajj]

This is so true! You CAN change behaviors that mimic your Mom. It isn't easy, believe me, I know, but it can happen.

You might find a preacher or counselor to talk to, too. Just because you have an unheatlhy relationship with your Mom doesn't mean you will with your daughter.

Good luck!

[redbonec]

I am so sorry you struggle with this.

I think Proud and Bajj are right. You have probably already spent countless hours going over in your head why or how to change your relationship with your mom. But, the future is yours and your daughter's.

I have noticed that a friend of mine in particular is an excellent mom, and, as she has told me some of her childhood, it is amazing to see how a person CAN do the complete opposite with their children than their mother did to them.

You may have to watch as your daughter grows how your mother is treating her, since you mentioned adoption didn't sound positive with your mother.