[KatiesEd-dad]

Trying to get some discussion started here. How involved are you as a Dad? Is your wife a SAHM and you just see the kids off to bed? Do you share child raising responsibilities equally? Are you a Stay At Home Dad (SAHD). Wive's feel free to chime in and let us know how involved your husband is.

I'll start. My wife is a ICU nurse and I'm a paramedic supervisor, so we both have non-traditional work schedules. We both work nights shifts that are 12-16 hours long. I work the first half of the week (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday) and my wife works the second half of the week. I the days that my wife works, I have total care of our DD. I feel that it's developed a special bond between my DD and myself. Even with all of that, I'm still not Momma. I think the mother/daughter, mother/son bond will always be stronger. It does get frustrating at times to be the only dad in the park with their child. The mommies tend to flock together and I never really feel welcome to join them so my DD and I just play by ourselves. I had one woman tell me one time that it was nice that I was taking my DD to the park on her summer visitation. I was like...what?? She said she assumed that my wife and I were divorced and that this must be my 2 week visitation during the summer since I was at the park with my DD on a Friday morning. Don't all dads work Monday thru Friday, 9-5???

Jump on in and post your story!

[daddysangel]

With everything we have going on No I am not as involved as I wish I could be.

Over the past few years we have evolved into making quality time instead of quantity.

When my girls and my schedule allows it we have a daddys day.My wife does her thing and I spend sun up to sun down with them.We do everything from coloring to wrestling around. It is the biggest thing I look forward to.
The 5 yr old is up for it every weekend, but the 9 yr old sometimes would rather have a friend over.So sometimes it could be 2 wks before I actually get to spend quality time with her. That makes me feel guilty sometimes to. My wife says it bothers me more then them so I guess it is all good.This Sunday is one of those daddy days so I am looking forward to it.I already have activities planned out.

GOD BLESS

[HappyTwinsMom]

Not a dad here!

My husband is incredibly involved with our children and always has been. He was laid off when the babies were about five months old and was a SAHD for about 14 months. When he went back to work, we worked mostly opposite schedules. Currently, he's working evenings and I'm working days. He volunteers at the girls' school among other things.

We definitely have a solid parenting team. The girls depend equally on each of us - no favoritism - and I love that!

[KatiesEd-dad]

Originally Posted by HappyTwinsMom

The girls depend equally on each of us - no favoritism - and I love that!

It's kind of funny. We noticed with our daughter that she would always yearn for the one that wasn't there. When it was my days to have her it would be all about the Momma. On my wife's days it would be all Ed-dad, Ed-dad, Ed-dad. It's not as bad today as it was about 6 months ago but it does make you feel like a rotten parent that all your child is doing is crying for the other parent.

[ecs5298]

Oh Ed-Dad,

You shouldn't feel rotten. You do a wonderful job with your daughter I am sure of that. I am sure your daughter loves you very much...I know I watch her the second 1/2 of the week...Love, Your Wife

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

DH shares and equal responsibility in raising the boys. For the most part we have always had a somewhat opposite schedule and he took care of them in the day and I did at night. We think that Bear is VERY much a Daddy's boy because Dad was home with him after his placement with us, and Bug is more a Mommy's boy because I was home with him after placement.

[Sgt-Pt]

My dw and I have just started the process to adopt a waiting child, hopefully between toddler and pre-school age. We waited to start a family for school and careers to settle and finally feel that we are in a good place in our lives to start raising children.

My question is this, from an AF point of view, what do I need to do to be involved without suffocating my dw who telecommutes from home.

Should I plan to take time off from work when our child first comes home? Should I just come home earlier than usual? Or should it be business as usual to help set up a routine?

The books on the subject tend to conflict and nearly all of them focus on the adoptive mother. While I'm excited about adopting, the closer we get, the more I worry that I won't have the skills to be the kind of father that I want to be.

I'd appreciate any advice on or off topic that you all have.

[Juliana13]

Sgt-Pt - I would say, talk to your wife about it. In my situation, they were newborns, so having him home fo the first while would be great - to help with the lack of sleep. But with a toddler?? If it were me, then we would probably take some time off - a week or two, to get to know each other. With some fun activities and outings, mixed with quiet down time, like reading stories, etc. Then hubby would go back to work, but be home a little early each night. He gets home late - like 6:30, and the kids go to bed at 7:30. With a new child especially, there should maybe be more together time than that, to help build the relationship.

Anyway, everyone is different, so you and your wife need to coordinate that one. Don't know what to tell you for sure. Good luck, by the way! Do you have a child in mind already?

[JPDakota]

DH stayed home with DD for her first nine weeks. She came to us at 4 days old. They formed a great bond in that time, but so did DD and I. I don't think there's a magic answer.
Incidentally, I, too, was adopted as an infant and my Dad did not stay home with me. But he and I had a life-long bond, a very strong one.

[Sleepydream]

We do what we like to call "tag-team parenting", lol. I work day shift and DH works evenings. One of us is always here with the kiddos. We have our days off together so we can mak time for ourselves as well. So, he is a one man Daddy Day Care now that we have 3 little ones 5 and under.

[PKrellwitz]

I'm completely hands on with my son, age 4.

When he was an infant, my wife would work evenings three nights a week from 7-11pm. It was a great experience for our entire family. To have the time alone with him is something I'll treasure the rest of my life. It gave my wife the independence and confidence to get back into the working world. It also gave her confidence in my parenting abilities.

Ever since he arrived in our lives though, we've divided the responsibilities as evenly as possible. When he was in diapers, when I got home from work I did every diaper during our remaining waking hours. Afterall, when I was at work, it wasn't like my wife could ever hand him off, or even negotiate with someone to take turns. During sleeping hours, I still did at least half of those diapers as well.

We've always worked things out very evenly in that regard.

As the boy's gotten older, I've transitioned jobs to one that allows me to be really flexible with my hours, so I can take time for special events at preschool etc. It's fantastic. My wife is a SAHM, but works part time when our boy's at preschool and that just creates a great balance for all of us. I've also been coaching his preschool age sports teams, two seasons of soccer and one baseball so far. That's been amazingly rewarding!

[KatiesEd-dad]

Thanks for checking in, Paul. It's great to see another dad involved with the day to day care of our children. I continue to learn new and amazing things every day.

[waiting4amiracle]

Hi all. A-dad here. I'm not a SAHD buy DW is a SAHM and she loves it.

When our DD was first placed with us I took a 2 week leave and loved every minute of it. I actually hated going back to work and did the best I could to pitch in. For instance, once I came I home took care of DD while DW could rest or do other things she wanted to do. I handled bed time, last bottle and any wake-ups up through midnight. Then I took any wake-ups after 5:00 AM. This actually worked well because DD was sleeping through the night with only one wake up before midnight and then usually not again until around 6:00 AM. That gave me first and last feedings of the day plus spending time with her when I got home. Not the best but the best we can do for now.

Now, at a year old, I'll take DD outside for a walk (yep - she's walking already!) when I get home. We'll play in the family room, toss pots and pans around together and as long as I'm home from the office in time I'll feed her dinner. Most nights I'll give DD her yogurt "snack"...then up to bath time, pajamas, bed time story, bottle and bed. DW and I split the both duties just because we both love seeing her play in the tub.

Weekend I try to take on more of the responsibilities for DD to give DW a break...but we basically end up splitting things down the middle because we both just love being with her and playing with her.

In essence, I think I'm pretty involved but would love to be more involved if the work day permitted it.

[KatiesEd-dad]

Thanks for adding your story, Rob!

My DD is getting to the age (almost 3) where she can be really difficult sometimes and really fun and cuddly at other times. I have a difficult time when she tries to assert her independence and is very defiant. Most times she is the greatest little girl in the whole wide world.

One thing we have started recently is watching Cubs games together. I was born and raised on the north side of Chicago and that automatically makes me a Cubs fan. I used to watch the games with my Mom when I was little and have started doing that with Katie. She still doesn't understand most of the game but she does know the names of several of the players. It's a hoot to hear her say Kosuke Fukudome. My mom has gotten a big kick out of it and is looking forward to watching a couple of games with her when they come to visit this summer. Someday I'd like to take Katie on a road trip and take her to a game at Wrigley Field.

[PKrellwitz]

Rob -- first off congratulations on your adoption. As a "waiting to become" an Adoptive Dad who's family has been waiting going on 16 months now, it's always encouraging for me personally to see those time lines that read Finalized! Gives me hope.

As a second note -- sounds like we have very similar parenting roles/perspectives. My BS is 4 and he wants to do everything with his Daddy when I'm home from work, so my wife gets a pretty good break as long as I'm around.

Ed -- Big baseball fan, eh? We are in our house too. We're big Durham Bulls fans. We'll catch 15 -20 games a season. Such a great family friendly environment. Right now my son likes to watch an inning, then go explore the park for a while. Come back, catch another inning, then go explore again. It's fun.

Have a good week everyone.

Paul