[KatiesEd-dad]

Is this thing on???? I can't believe the lack of activity by the guys here. There has to be some dad's here. I'd like to hear from ya. Let's see if we can get some topics going.

How about a roll call?? Everybody chime in.
Thanks,

[daddysangel]

I first want to thank you all for the advice the last time I posted here.Me and DW had a long talk way back then and we have been a team ever since.

A good topic for me would be dealing with tremendous stress. I have a stressful job and with the contested adoption and funding it, which causes late bills and long hours of work. I get up at 3 am only so I can sit in a dark and silent room and have a cup of coffee.Once I arrive at work at 5 all that ends until I am sleeping and get up the next morning.

With my schedule anybody have quick little solutions to relieve stress?

GOD BLESS

[KatiesEd-dad]

Originally Posted by daddysangel

I get up at 3 am only so I can sit in a dark and silent room and have a cup of coffee.
GOD BLESS

I can relate, I'm sitting here right now doing the same thing. In an hour or so my daughter will be up and it will be full bore until bed time.

As far as stress relief, I'm afraid I can't help you there since I'm suffering the same thing myself. The last 2 years have been wonderful, with the arrival of our daughter, but very, very stressful. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but all I can come up with is hang in there, relax when you can and remember that this stress won't last forever. There's got to be an end to it. Right?????

[RTRhino]

Hello,

I came across this forum a while back and saw that it had not really been active. When I saw this thread come up I thought I'd pop in and say Hey.

I don't think I have any new ideas on stress. Do what you can when you can. Lots of help eh?

Ed, I think you are right... there's got to be an end

Tom

Forgot to add: GO ROCKIES!!!!

[KatiesEd-dad]

Glad to hear from you, Tom. I guess this makes at least 3 of us here.

I'm thinkin' there's a lot more guys lurking and not really wanting to get involved in posting. I was kind of hoping to pry them out of the woodwork. Maybe I'll start a new thread with a specific topic.

[RTRhino]

I'm sure there are a lot more. One thing is that most probably do not know about this forum. I know that I have primarily been on the Guatemala forum since that is where we adopted from. I only ran across this one by clicking on "New Posts" in the links across the top one day.

Maybe if we are posting on this forum, getting some activity going and such other dads might find it too. I know that the moderators have encouraged going to other boards to see what is available. However it is easy to get stuck in a rut and not venture out.

I guess I should introduce myself. We are in Colorado. Chel and I have been on the boards for a while now - since shortly after we started our adoption journey for our son. His process took a while and during the wait we started a second adoption for our daughter. They both got home this past April and to say our world has changed would be an understatement.

We are having a blast with them even though at times it can be stressful . It seems they have grown a ton in the past 6 months that they've been home. It also seems they are learning or doing something new nearly every day.

That's pretty much it in a nutshell. So where are you guys from?

Tom

[KatiesEd-dad]

My wife Kelly and I are from Michigan. We've been on the boards for a couple of months since we began having problems with our DD's birth family. We were both using the same log in, which became confusing, so I made one for myself and surrendered the other one to my wife.

We are in the process of jumping back in for a second child. We'll be having our homestudy update home visit tomorrow morning so we're on our way again.

I've seen a couple more dads in a couple of the other groups. If I see their posts again I may mention to them that we're trying to get the Father's forum active again.

[daddysangel]

Hi Tom,Ed & Tony,

My wife Shirl and I also found this sight when we started having trouble with the Bfather. Unfortunitely that has been going on 5 years ago and it still is not settled.
It has been such a hard time.So much to deal with and you get to the point of praying to GOD that if HE is going to take her away do it now so it is over. However the good things that come from it is that you watch your family fall apart while everything is out of your control and then you become a part of it FIGHTING to regain it.We are a much stronger family then we were when this started.I do not know if you guy's know our story but just to let ya know this is a guy that along with his ex-wife asked us to take the child and raise her as our own. In the 9 yrs of her life he has never attempted to be a part of her life but yet now says he wants her.I have allot of respect for the man that will stand up and take responsibility to raise their own child,unfortunitely this guy is not interested in that.Enough said on that. I do not want to be a downer here.

I do have to disagree with Tom on one thing however.
We are from Ohio. What do ya think Tom?
GO INDIANS!!!!
I am also a HUGE Lions fan.

Have a good day guys,

Marc

[RTRhino]

Hey Marc and Ed,

I grew up in Ohio. Most of my family is still there. Sorry Ed, but go Buckeyes!! . My brother in law is from Michigan and a HUGE Michigan fan. I've had fun calling him this year.

Marc, actually I am hoping that the Indians make it in. I was talking to my brother a couple of weeks ago and we thought it would be awesome if Cleveland and Denver were in where we could both attempt to go to the home games. Looks like it might happen. Of course it will be sad for the Indians fans after the first 4 games are over - lol.

Congratulations Ed on your next adoption. Hope your HS update today and everything else goes well for you guys. You'll have to fill me in a bit on how the domestic process goes. Is everything cleared up with your first?

Marc, how are things going? 5 years... wow. I couldn't imagine. Is there an end in sight?

I'll get back to work. Just one more thing - yall are Avalanche fans right?!?

Talk to ya later,
Tom

[kabubakat]

Hi guys...My name is Missy and my Husband is Shawn, I want him to join the forums so he can vent also, This is new for us, we started our adoption process in April. We have been matched, but Mom is in prison. (possession of cocaine). Anyway I have been glued to the forums since I started my account last night. I have been searching Hi an lo for a place like this on the internet.

Now...about Michigan....believe it or not my uncle is Bo Schembechler almost 1 year gone now...geez time flys...Go Blue...
By the way I went to Penn State...(live in Pittsburgh)

Go Pens!!!

[KatiesEd-dad]

Welcome Marc and Missy. It is nice to see people responding. I thought it would be nice to get this forum going for guys to come and vent. I sometimes think that the guys just like to lurk in the background and not get involved. I do think it's better to get involved, ask your questions, vent your frustrations and just know that there are other's out there that are going through the same thing.

Missy, it was so sad about your uncle. He really meant a great deal to the university and to the people of Ann Arbor. As far as rooting for football team...I have no opinion other that when they fill the Big House with 117, 000 screaming fans it makes for a busy day and night for those of us in emergency services.

I do agree that these forums are a great resource for anyone involved in adoption. You can and I literally have spent hours pouring over posts trying to learn, understand and empathize with everyone's side of the adoption triad. I'm hoping it will make me a better person and father.

[PackDaddy]

I just wanted to check in as an AD. We have a beautiful little 2-1/2 and she is a big Daddy's girl. We had an open adoption and it has been a wonderful experience and I wanted to get on here and share our story and give any encouragement I could.

Also big NC State fan here so I felt I needed to balance out a little of the BIG 10 on here.

Missy, our BMom is from Moon and we travel to Pittsburgh (twice so far) every year and stay with the B-GP's.

Don

[KatiesEd-dad]

Thanks for checking in, Don. Welcome! My DD is 2 1/2 also. She's firmly planted in the terrible two's and it's been very challenging since she knows she has me wrapped around her little finger.

Would love to hear more about your open adoption. Ours started out as a closed adoption, we opened it with the maternal grandparents but recently had to suspend contact with them due to their dysfunctional behaviors.

[PackDaddy]

Our experience I believe is unique and wonderful and it could take quite a bit to explain. I've thought about writing a book and that is what has led me here.

Here's the cliff notes version:
Basically a friend of a friend's son got his girlfriend pregnant. They wanted to semi-know the potential adoptive parents but not be too close to them. The b-dad's mother basically picked us. She was a driving force behind this. The b-mom's parents didn't want to raise the baby but really didn't trust us. The b-parents were/are great kids. I tell people all the time people don't adopt children like Deanna. The b-mom was the homecoming queen, the b-dad was the captain of the football team (plays for NC State now) both families were upper middle to upper class economically. We met the b-parents around the 4month pregnacy mark. None of us knew what we were doing. My wife and I were nevous about an open adoption and discussed if we really wanted to do this. We talked about visits being more the 1st year and tapering off as Deanna got older and everyone seemed to agree. The b-mother's mom was against us big time. She didn't trust us, told the b-mom we would tell her anything to get her baby and would move as soon as we got her. She had never heard of an open adoption and didn't trust it.

Well to move this along, my wife went to the doctor visits, we were in the delivery room. It was hard but thye signed papers 24hrs after the delivery and we took her home from the hospital. One thing I never thought I'd feel was guilt. I felt we didn't deserve this baby and felt guilty we were taking this child from this wonderful, brave, young lady. We formed a bond with the b-parent and I could see the pain they were experiencing and I felt bad.

Too move this along again. It was aprivate adoption and everything has been great. We even have spent the last two Memorial Weekends staying with the b-mom parents and visiting her side of the family. We get along great with them. We never did taper the contact and have basically adopted another family. We have recently moved (3hrs) away and haven't seen them as much but contact is still there. The b'mom and her sister are planning to stay with us this summer (we moved to the beach). The b-mom also started a group on campus for other pregnant students to tout alternatives such as open adoption and also to provide daycare for young mothers who are in school. She will probably make a career out of this. In one of her classes she did a presentation on teenage pregancy and introduced her as part of her speech. We all answered questions afterward it was quite a experience. She has also asked my wife to write recommendation letters. It's really been great for us all. We have been involved with their friends, family and they have with ours as well.

I never imagined this turning out the way it has it has been a true blessing all the way around.

[PackDaddy]

Ed,

I recommend John Rosemond's Parenting by The BOOK. I think it makes a lot of sense when dealing with the two's. His method's are not for everyone but if your are a Christian it is thought provoking and while I don't buy into everything he says I could pull out certain aspects that definitly has worked for me and makes sense.