[BrandyHagz]

Adoption.com is responding to the request that we have forums which would meet the specific needs of those in different triad positions.

While we do not subscribe to or allow the practice of ‘triad segregation’ – we do think that these forums can be a useful resource for those who frequent the forums.

Please remember, when posting, that our forums are open to anyone and your likely to get response from all sides of the triad when doing so – the purpose of the forum is to allow each side a place to discuss the specific issues as they pertain to that triad position.

Welcome to the new forum!

[waiting4amiracle]

Brandy - as a PAP and future father, thank you for setting up this new Forum. Hopefully some of the men who lurk here will become a bit more active and for those women whose husbands have questions or need an outlet, encourage them to come and post here. We don't bite!

[daddysangel]

Hi guys,
This is a good spot for me to vent and say things that I would never dream of saying to my wife.We are in a contested adoption for a few yrs now and it is not easy.I have a ritual I go through every morning to relieve my anger because if I carry it around I would be fired from my job and I would be getting a divorce.Sometimes it still is not enough.For example:
Yesterday I am talking to my wife and I tell her I have to get going and just then she says OK gotta go because ?? (attorney was calling). I spit out call me and she hung up.I called repeatedly from 10am till 2pm and could not get ahold of her.Frankly I got pissed!!!My last message left had the words "You better have a D*** good reason you are not answering this ___ phone.
Well come to find out it was not our attorney and she shut the phone off and took a nap.
To me it was a total lack of respect for me as far as what that type of thing does to me when we are in jeapordy of losing our daughter.I could honestly see the lawyer telling her that they were coming to get her and she left and pulled her from school and took off.
She told me not to leave messages like that.I told her to respect what I am going through with this adoption and I will not leave messages like that.We agreed but I still think she thinks I over reacted.
Has anyone else felt that although our wifes want us to be comforting they also lack respect because we are men and this type of thing is not suppose to worry us?

Thanks for listening
GOD BLESS

[rykyki]

It sounds to me that you and your wife are dealing with this in different ways. She is moving forward with her everyday activities, while you seem to be dealing with this more aggressively, venting A LOT, given many of the posts I've read from you. Maybe you can just agree to disagree with the unique manner in which each of you are dealing with this, so as not to add any more stress to an already stressful situation? Best of luck to you.

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by daddysangel

We agreed but I still think she thinks I over reacted.

I'd say you're both at fault - you for overreacting, her for not keeping you informed in a stressful situation. Either of you could probably have avoided the problem.

Originally Posted by daddysangel

Has anyone else felt that although our wifes want us to be comforting they also lack respect because we are men and this type of thing is not suppose to worry us?

It seems to alternate between that and being offended because I'm too practical. If we're emotional, we're not "manly" enough. If we're unemotional, we're insensitive and detached. Good luck figuring that one out.

[waiting4amiracle]

Originally Posted by JGarrick

I'd say you're both at fault - you for overreacting, her for not keeping you informed in a stressful situation. Either of you could probably have avoided the problem.

Yeah - I have to agree here. Perhaps, as you express your dissatisfaction you can provide a bit more of an explanation to your wife as to why you're a bit peeved. For DW and I we agreed at the outset we'd communicate quite openly and frankly. While it has resulted in some "interesting" exchanges they've been few & far between and have always resulted in resovling whatever questions or differences existed. The trick hass been recognizing the issues quickly and addressing them up front, calmly (a challenge for me sometimes as my passion for things tends to get the beset of me from time to time).

It seems to alternate between that and being offended because I'm too practical. If we're emotional, we're not "manly" enough. If we're unemotional, we're insensitive and detached. Good luck figuring that one out.

The not being "manly enough" hasn't ever been an issue. DW has always accepted the fact I'm both rational and emotional so when I tend toward the emotional she's almost always relieved. When I'm rational I'mm sometimes accused (rightfully so!) of focusing on the negative but I try to couch it from the perspective of seeing all potential sides of the story and looking at all potential outcomes, good and bad, so we're emotionally and mentally prepared...at least as best as possible. It's a tightrope walk - no doubt. Best of luck figuring out the best way for you to walk yours.

Either way - we're all in this together so let us know how it goes.

[FutureFather]

Hey, This is my first time doing this and do not know if it will even get viewed. Oh well. MY wide and I are adopting, of course, the birthmom is due in Nov.
My wife gets on me for not doing anything. She spends time on the net researching or going in the forums, more things like thatg. So, I'd thought I'd check it out. Pretty interesting all of this. Not sure what else to say. Has anyone become adoptive parents yet?

FF

[knewengland]

Brandy, I'm so glad you started this thread. Since I began using these boards, I've told dh about them, the things I've read and some that have prompted helpful discussions between us. I think he'll be more likely to post his own thoughts now that there is a place specifically for adads.

[waiting4amiracle]

Originally Posted by FutureFather

Hey, This is my first time doing this and do not know if it will even get viewed. Oh well. MY wide and I are adopting, of course, the birthmom is due in Nov.
My wife gets on me for not doing anything. She spends time on the net researching or going in the forums, more things like thatg. So, I'd thought I'd check it out. Pretty interesting all of this. Not sure what else to say. Has anyone become adoptive parents yet?

FF

Welcome FF. Another adoptive dad here and a relatively active poster on many of the fora (forums??) on the site. As you can see by my "signature" below we've had quite a journey. Our DD is now 3 1/2 months old, we've cleared most of the major hurdles, and now we're waiting out the next 6 to 9 months for finalization. Feel free to PM me or just do an open post here if you're looking for some insight from our experiences in a failed and then very successful placement.

Keep the faith and good luck on your journey to November.

[bprice215]

It's about time Brandy.
bprice215

[BrandyHagz]

It's about time Brandy.

If you'll look at the date on this, you'll see that it was created on 01-25-2007 - more than a year ago. We try not to create forums unless there is a need...based on the activity this forum has had in the last year + maybe there wasn't a need until then...or even now...

[sbaglio]

Thanks for creating this forum, Brandy. I've been active on the boards for a while. My DH and I are the adoptive parents to a beautiful almost-5 month old girl who is the light of our lives. We have an open adoption with DD's birthmother, who is a wonderful person. Hope we can keep this forum active!