[aclee]

Hello Everyone...this is my first post, but I'd like to thank you all for the knowledge that I have gained thus far reading your posts. I'm posting becuase I read a post that commented that several people had fostered/fostered to adopt through the MA Foster Care. I am currently dicussing with my husband the possibilty of becoming a foster parent. He is having a lot of reservations in starting. He had a negative experience with a foster child when he was about 13. A good friend of his was a foster child, and the foster mom had new baby that was very colicy. The 13 year old boy ened up punching the baby in the head when it wouldn't stop crying, and the baby died. My husband is very concerned about fostering or fostering to adopt becuase of the uncertainty of "what you are getting".

I have explained that you can turn down any offer of a child and you can specify exactly what you are willing to take. Right now we are TTC, but are having a lot of difficultly. I've wanted to foster for a long time, and I feel like this is the right time. We could take a break from TTC, and foster, potentially fostering to adopt. He feels like if we foster it would put us in debt, so that we couldn't afford our own child when we do TTC. Then I explained about the subsidy, and how that would off set some of our costs.

Currently I work as a Nanny, so a younger child would come to work with me, and older child, we would enroll in school, and potentially aftercare, till one of us got home from work. We do just fine income wise, so I know a foster child would not drain our income like he thinks. I spoil all my neices and nephews with stuff everyweek, for lack of anything better to spend it on

I was just hoping those that foster or foster to adopt in MA could share some of their experiences with me. Info on the subsidy, and problems that you have come across would be very helpful. I am in Essex County if that matters. Sorry this is so long. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions about our situation that you think might be more helpful in answering. Thank you so much in advance! Amy

[hotspice58]

Not in Massachusetts (I'm in NY) but I want to tell you, the subsidy definitely comes i handy. Is your husband of the mindset that he has to have a biological child? These are excuses he's coming up with. (Sorry to sound so blunt).

[aclee]

Actually it's not about biology or anything like that. We would only foster, not foster to adopt, at least initally. Further, I completely understand your strong feelings on adoption, since you have two wonderful children you adopted. However IF that was his concern (fearing lack of attachment to a non bio child or whatever) I honestly don't think it's your place to say anyone's feelings are an excuse. If that was how he felt I would talk with him about it, but I would never claim his feelings were "excuses". I'm happy that you have adopted and it's been successful etc. HOWEVER, I dated a man that had custody of two children, one his bio, and one was his Ex wifes from a previous relationship. His wife's main point was she thought he felt more strongly for the bio son (he had custody of both, not her) and every Psycologist we went to told her she was insane....OF COURSE he would feel differently toward an bio child. It's completely natural and healthy. He didn't love one more than the other, but it is a different attachment process. Telling people their feelings, or fears are an excuse is poor taste in my opinion. I'm happy that you have two children that you love and adore, and everything worked out well for you. Doesn't mean that is right for everyone.

Best of luck!