[Daveb2]

I have never been one to read poetry and certainly not one to write such a thing but this just sort of happened.
Apologies to any poets among you but it has made me feel better. As i was not informed until after the funeral i am finding this pretty hard to deal with.


Tonight i lie here so restless
Not wishing to face a new day
God in his infinite wisdom
Has taken my Mother away

Her ashes have been scattered
Off Californias coast in the sea
God has taken my Mother
The grief he has here left with me

Up for adoption she had put me
More than sixty three years ago
Then swore the family to a secret
That nobody ever should know

That unwanted child was lucky
And with a new family blessed
Til one day the secret came out
My insides turned to emptyness

Who was this woman who gave me
To a Devonshire man and his wife
She had not wisdom enough to see
That you can't live another man's life

All through my youth i was troubled
Reasons though no one could find
I of course knew the answer
You can't break the ties that bind

For thirty nine years i ignored it
I tried living that other mans life
Then i decided i would find her
And make an end to internal strife

I searched and looked and found her
In California not too far from the sea
But she closed the family round her
And refused to acknowledge me

I guess i really should hate her
But that can just never be
For though i'm not a Son to her
She will always be Mother to me

Tonight i lie here so restless
Not wishing to face a new day
God in his infinite wisdom
Has taken my Mother away

D J Butler
For My Mother
Joan Cicley Ritchie
13th March 1920 - 29th January 2009

[loveajax]

Dave, oh my gosh, I am so very sorry about the loss of your mother. I am sorry also that you found out after the funeral. Your poem is a beautiful one, and of course it made me cry. Hang in there, Karen

[dakotasclassic]

What a beautiful, heartfelt poem.

I'm sorry she turned her back on you - maybe she was scared.

Thank you for sharing.

[ditoz]

Dave.. First let me say that your thoughts in Poem form are very powerful and heart felt.
I applaud your courage to reach the place you need to reach to be able to heal from your pain.

With that said, As a birth mom, longing to find my Birth daughter, and knowing that if she found me, I could not and would not turn her away, I try each and every day to understand those like your birth mom, who in my opinion must have assumed that since they made the decision to place their children for adoption, than that meant they had no rights or place to ever search or be accepted in their lives.

Very rarely do you come across Birth Moms who can be simply cruel. IT is because WE love our children , so much , that we make the heart breaking decisions to place them.

I am certain that in her heart she loved you more then anyone else could possibly love you and chose to keep you at a distance, because of that love.. ( for she thought that probably had to be best for you)

I am sorry for your pain.. I will be thinking of you often.

Donna

[dpen6]

Dave,

Very nice and heartfelt.

I am sorry things turned out theway they did..its a cruel world that makes not only a mother but a whole family turn kin away because they were born and the kin are unable to see beyond themselves.

[Daveb2]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, i did write a bit more but did not include some parts that were added later. I decided to take action and reveal myself to all who did not know of my existence. After an initial warm welcome i have heard no more, one of my sisters has decided i no longer exist as i went against her and mothers wishes by doing so. Rejection, hey you can get used to it you know, it only gets to you in those quiet moments.
I will see if i can edit the first post to include the later bits.
Thank you all again

[Daveb2]

Originally Posted by Daveb2

I have never been one to read poetry and certainly not one to write such a thing but this just sort of happened.
Apologies to any poets among you but it has made me feel better. As i was not informed until after the funeral i am finding this pretty hard to deal with.


Tonight i lie here so restless
Not wishing to face a new day
God in his infinite wisdom
Has taken my Mother away

Her ashes have been scattered
Off Californias coast in the sea
God has taken my Mother
The grief he has here left with me

Up for adoption she had put me
More than sixty three years ago
Then swore the family to a secret
That nobody ever should know

That unwanted child was lucky
And with a new family blessed
Til one day the secret came out
My insides turned to emptyness

Who was this woman who gave me
To a Devonshire man and his wife
She had not wisdom enough to see
That you can't live another man's life

All through my youth i was troubled
Reasons though no one could find
I of course knew the answer
You can't break the ties that bind

For thirty nine years i ignored it
I tried living that other mans life
Then i decided i would find her
And make an end to internal strife

I searched and looked and found her
In California not too far from the sea
But she closed the family round her
And refused to acknowledge me

I guess i really should hate her
But that can just never be
For though i'm not a Son to her
She will always be Mother to me

A person has rights bestowed,
Granted on the day they are born
I was by others was denied mine
The right at her funeral to mourn

To those who know not of me
In truth there is not much you missed
You most likely wouldn't care about me
Then why do some on the secret insist

Today to my Dear Mother I say,
Your funeral it greived me so to miss
You know now how much i loved you
Please accept this as my goodbye kiss.

D J Butler
For My Mother
Joan Cicley Ritchie
13th March 1920 - 29th January 2009

Hope this works