[Scarlet Moon 13]

Who am I by T. A. Mennie written July 28 1998

This made you who you are today.
Just who am I? What was wrong with me?
When will I be the person I was growing up to be?
She is gone, can't you see,
replaced by a girl, full of doubt and sorrow.

This made you strong, you should be proud.
Why did I have to be so strong?
Did I need to be stronger then you,
What do I have to be proud about?
They took my pride with everything else.

I didn't need to be put to he test.
Life is hard enough at it's best.
All my life, all my actions,
Were all based on other people's preconceptions.

Being to young, therefore you shall always be.
Not as smart as all the others that you see.
No matter what you try to be,
No matter how much you read.
You are never quite who you want to be.

You feel the imposter, not good enough.
You try to fit in, such an impossibility.
You smile and pretend, hope no one sees.
Lost and alone for all eternity.

Doing what's best for the child they said.
Who's child, which child? Me?
Confused and alone, they cannot see.
The child unborn? Your child, your babe.
The mother was the child they could not see.

Where did she go that bright young girl?
Beaten down by words and deed.
Lost behind walls that would not fall.
Holding back pain that invades the day.
I'm so tired of this pain. Please let it go away.

[PaulaMorgan]

I felt you once grow inside of me,
The feeling was beautiful, your every move,
made me wonder just how beautiful you were going to be.
It was almost time for you to make your entrance into this confusing world.
The doctor came in and told me that you were the most beautiful baby he had ever seen.
But not in my power to keep you the beautiful baby I had always wanted. I had no choice but to give you away,
It has broken my heart over and over, to think that me your mother could give you up.
Before I had a chance to teach you, all there is to loving and teaching you all about the world.
I only pray in my heart that my little sunshine,can have a loving family,
But to always know that I will never ever forget you as long as I live.
I will always have a special place in my loving heart for your little face.
The memory of you will stay forever with me.
Your every movement before you were born.
I will always love you baby, you are my special baby.
Maybe someday our passes will meet and I will share the special pain I had to bare without you.

June 1981 it was written