[sleeca]

you said to wait.. i waited... you said things will change .. they havent... now i sit here, giving it all back... you sit there.. with again something again youll alaways lack... you ruined for both your girls.. with the lies you told... just know this forever, as you grow old... i will never speak .. nor ever hold... theres nothing left, but hatrid and loss.... all because of the lies youve tossed.. tossed to me and my sister too... good bye and farewell... i bid you adu... am i sad no... but for my sister yes... will you be thinking as shes taking her walk, about the one shes missed? or just be happy for being alike.. the father back then... to me you did alike.... how dare you take control , with the bitter deceit... the lives of others... are you really that weak? im much stronger now, more then i ever have been.. i will now put all the effort in the ones who care.. who took me as i was...right from the start.. the start of bittersweet, what youll never behold... all because of the lies you've told.

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its getting easier day by day... to forget about the portrait these years ive been made to display... I will not be that person any longer.. for because of this all ... i've forgotten who i was before.. i will not shutter any more of the thoughts of any of you... for now my lifetime is to be made anew.... a new day when the sun is still shining, the darken skies returning to their blue. i will cry no longer, i will grow to be stronger... for each day is now easier... as the days go by without thinking of you...

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I have a new motive in my life its true.... to grace the family i always knew.... the ones i hold dear and that are forever true.... i regret the days when i lost you... but now i can make up for the last... the fallen years, that have become a past... no longer a past filled with regret.. but a new day , of love laughter and a ton of respect.... for the darker days have wilted away... making a path for our brighter new days..

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it's almost been a year since the last time youve been near... do you wonder what im doing? do you even think or care? i think about you often and even email telling you so... but i continue feeling the need to have you in my life as before... why do i do this to myself ... i often wonder why.. .but it has been almost a year that i thought of you and cried. do i really need to continue .. this need of wanting and needing.. when i dont get in return, even though my heart feels like its bleeding... i never asked nor wanted... to feel the way im feeling.. all these years i never knew you.. now i am still dreaming... of a time before i know... who i really was... do i go back to that time.. when i wasent so ****ed needy.. no i cant because its too late... i have no feelings of hate... just the wondering of what i didnt know before... is why i feel this way now?... this is all because of what i found,,, all the years never knowing... the time back when i was who i was... now im so unsure of who iam... its so much more confusing...

[Halfblood]

"do you wonder what im doing? do you even think or care?"
"You said to wait, I waited."
Exactly how I feel.

[sleeca]

not easy is it
theres a chat group that helps me still...they haelped me through it all...
Adoption Triad Outreach
im here to listen
i have a myspace also

[zeus]

I know exactly how you feel. Im a Korean adoptee, I was adopted when I was 5. Ive been battleing abandonment issues since then and it seems like they get worse as the days pass by. I hope you'll read some of my post's to better understand my situation, but Im sending you this message cause I just started reading a book called "Necessary Losses" by Judith Viorst and even though Im only on the first couple of chapters it has given me some new insight to my issues and the reasoning behind how I feel, the way I react to situations, and basicaly why I am who I am. I wouldnt mind chatting with you if you ever want so let me know and hope to hear from you!!! Peace!!!

Judith Viorst
"Losing Sucks"
But to look at loss is to see how inextricably our losses are linked to growth.
And to start to become aware of the ways in which our responses to loss have shaped our lives can be the beginning of wisdom and hopeful change.