[teresaf1970]

Our stories are different but the loss is the same
The ache of our hearts, the affects of the shame
It happened to you another time, a separate place
Our tears are the same, as they stream down our face
Was it a daughter you relinquished that unforgetful day?
Or was it a son like me that I only wanted to stay.
To stay with me forever for no one to take
A young child myself, the choice was not mine to make
Were the birthdays of your child almost too hard to bear?
Never forgetting, wondering what he would be into that year.
Did you pray for his parents to be the best they could be?
Did you pray he’d be healthy, happy, and strong like me?
Did you compare him to strangers you’d see in the street
Or with every child his age that you’d meet
Did you wonder if he’d wonder or even know about you?
And did you start searching for him and hoped he would search too
Hours and hours from your computer chair
Wondering if he would ever magically appear.
Did you get frustrated and take a break a time or two
Not knowing how much disappointment you could live through.
Were you scared to death of the chance he would call
That he’d only want a medical history and that was all
A “one call” chance to say what he had to say-
Were you scared he would hate you, thinking you “threw him away”
Were you scared that giving him up for a better life was all in vain
And scared to find out that his life was full of pain.
Were you as fortunate as I, because my fears were unjust?
To find me in his eyes-was surely a must.
His life has been wonderful, his is parents were great
His health is just perfect, his feelings for me~ not hate.
To hear his voice-, a joy through and through
It was all so surreal- a dream come true
Reunited a few days later- to see his smile
To sit and talk with him awhile.
We have the same hands, fair skin and red hair
The same sense of humor, we are quite a pair
His name is now different, as I imagined it would be,
But still that child, that came from me.
The instant bond between us is unexplainable and real
It’s funny, after all this time, I am just now starting to heal.
It’s been three months now -don’t know where to begin
Not sure where we’re headed- or where I’ll fit in
Like, when he has children of his own, what will I be?
Gramma? I so long to be- is that wrong of me??
He doesn’t call me mom-because he has one of those
With each conversation or meeting, my love for him grows.
I try to take it day by day, I look for advice each resource I can
I don’t want to mess this up, I can’t lose him again, now a fine young man.
I am the one who left him. Not my choice, but not strong enough to fight.
So why this dreadful fear of him shutting me out of his life-he might.
Like the ol’ cliché, only time will tell.
Those thoughts are my own private hell.
But Heaven and GOD have shined upon me, bringing him back to me.
A chance to be all I can be.
Praying you have the peace about your decisions, I have not yet found
Praying you find those you have lost-and it leads you safe on the ground.
Through your stories- I have found advice, peace and love
I hope through mine, you find all the above.

[Christmas]

O My GOD Teresaf, I couldn't believe what you wrote. I think, this SHOULD be the opening of the WHOLE of Adoption.com, for it begins with US..to make this place what it is. If it wasn't for the clarity, the honesty and the honest to good EXACTNESS of what you wrote, all I can say, is I could never have said it better myself. You TAKE MY BREATH AWAY, with what you've written. Please o Please Lord, let this be on the FIRST page of Adoption.com from here to come. This is it...first, last and in-between. You are ELOQUENT and right to the point. And boy, did you have MANY points...it is sooo long and sooo vast for what it is to be a Birthmother, that it would take the 'untangling of time' for Anyone to understand YES, understand, exactly what we've been through and what we go through. Sacrifice and Torment. WHoooooooo woulda knowwwwwwn???

[heart-to-heart]

to teresaf1970: Amen to that!! you are truely a remarkable woman, and as Christmas said......"the clarity, the honesty and the honest to good EXACTNESS of what you wrote"........"it would take the 'untangling of time' for Anyone to understand "

you expressed so perfectly what lives in the heart of pain for this birthmother, and I am so overjoyed to hear you have reunited with your your son, and I wish you both a blessed journey..........Denise

[ShannonMitchell]

That was amazing... I teared up, smiled, nodded my head.... it is everything I've gone through, felt, experienced... it is "all of the above".