[alimom]

Forever

My dream has come true,
And it is all because of you.
My life was nothing but hell,
Like it was under some type of spell.
You saved me from the wreckage,
And this family is quite a package.
It took me a while to adjust,
It took me a while to trust.
But you were always there,
And you were the one that always cared.
Your love for me never frayed,
Even when I knew you were afraid.
It took a while getting used to,
I never thought I could have found a family
as I have found in all of you.
I prayed each and every day of my life
That something or someone would come
and end all my strife.
R~ you found this wonderful family,
Whom I have grown to love and trust,
And to you I am forever grateful.
D~ and J~ and the rest of your clan,
Always there when I needed a helping hand.
You’re my second parents;
your kids my sisters and brothers.
You will always be a part of my life,
I will remember you all
each and every day and night.
You fought for me Mrs. J~,
And you gave me the chance to grow.
All the good times at safe and sound,
Helping all the little boys and girls,
Singing “Amazing Grace”
at the top of my lungs on your stage
was a dream upon a cloud.
L~, you are one of my closest friends,
Always there, always cared.
Loving me like a daughter,
when I didn’t really have a true mother.
R~ I want to thank you,
Without you this would not be happening.
You put in such time and dedication,
Putting up with me,
sometimes you probably thought I needed a little medication.
But if it wasn’t for each and everyone here today,
My life might not have turned out this way.
I want to thank you for bringing me into this family,
You’ve helped me know this is where I belong,
You are the piece I have been missing for so long.
J~, you were there as my brother,
Even when they separated us, I know you hated that.
D~, you are someone I look up to,
You are not afraid to dream,
You are not afraid to dream,
I know I took some time getting used to.
K~, you are my best friend,
You are someone I can run to,
You make me laugh with your silly noises,
Yes there will be enough room!
I am proud to call you my big sister.
E~, I love you to death,
Because you’re just like me (yes, Mom, I finally admit it),
Only you can get me to smile while telling me not to.
You are my playmate.
And Mom,
I love you more than the others,
Can you remember my little song?
You put up with me when no one else did,
And you took me in.
I’ll be here forever now,
Are you guys sure you can take it?
Because of each and every one of you,
My single dream has come true!
I can start the healing now,
I know I can somehow.
And from this day forward,
I will be your daughter and sister forever.
I want to tell you all how much I love you,
Each and every one of you is my family forever.
And from this day out,
I will be known as A G G.

Cycle
I can’t take it!
I want to scream!
I want to cry!
I want to keep it all inside.
I hate to show my feelings,
I’m tired of everyone trying to do all the healing.
The little heathens,
Thinking they come close to knowing my true feelings.
They have no idea.
No one does!
Tired of everyone saying “it’ll be okay,”
No it really won’t!
The pressure that has been put upon me by everyone is almost unbearable.
I’m tired of everyone saying,” A~ you’ve got to be careful!”
Telling me “don’t be like your momma,
You’ve got to break her cycle!”
I don’t know what I’m going to do,
I don’t know what I’m going to say.
I can only live my life one day at a time,
Live each moment like it could be my last.
Everyone needs to realize that I’ll be fine,
Whoever thought being yourself was always such a crime?
I swear I’ll be okay, at some point in time,
No need to worry!
Stop trying to make me grow up in such a hurry!
I won’t be like my mom,
Everything eventually will work out,
And if it doesn’t, it’s no ones fault but mine.
I swear I’ll break the cycle,
I swear I’ll be cautious and careful.
Just leave me be,
Let me live my own life,
stop breathing down my neck.
Heck, if anything goes wrong,
It’s probably the pressure.
Society these days loves to see me suffer,
So they say behind their backs,
“She’ll turn out just like her mother!”
But I won’t,
I’ll prove everyone wrong!
I know I can do it,
No one can stop me, except me!

Forget me!
Wrap the noose around my neck,
make it nice and snug.
Pop the chair from under me,
I have now been hung.
I have just committed suicide,
and no one will fret nor cry.
I see the people in my room,
look at them gawk and stare.
Instead of staring you should
have actually cared!
You people,
who toyed around with my emotions,
saying “aw poor her,”
please give me a break!
I’m tired of your sympathy!
If I was so poor and pathetic ,
then why don’t you people go on
with your boring pathetic lives!
Just leave me here to die in peace.
Go back to your candy -coated lives
and your sunshine smiles.
Where your only problem is that your
shirt is to loose!
I was so afraid,
I was so scared!
So because of you people.
Who didn’t care,
Who just stood there and stared,
I have just ended my life
and all my strife!
My life has ended,
and so will yours someday.
And on that note I pray,
That your pathetic lives will be spared,
as mine was not, hurt and pain!
So don’t just stand there and gawk and stare.
Jut go on and forget I ever existed.
I’m so pissed!
And mom, don’t just stand there and stare
with the rest of them.
You were the one that made my life so unfair!
I always knew you never cared,
and it tore my heart everyday.
I know you never respected me,
I know you always hated me,
To you I was just a mistake in anatomy.
Dad you even stated it to me!
So just get on with it,
just bury me,
and forget all about me!
The world will be a better place without me!

Never Showed my Fear
I can see my head hugging the wall
As mother bashes me into it.
I smell the booze on her breath.
I taste the blood.
I promise myself I won’t cry.
I never showed her fear.
There’s me, on my knees outside…
Trying to sleep.
But all I hear is Mommy’s bed,
Creaking and shaking from her new “customer.”
I know what’ll happen next.
She’ll get drunk, and I’ll get beat.
But I’ll never cry.
I never showed her fear.
There I am again, but Mommy’s
Not beating me.
No. I’m being molested.
Mommy’s sleeping.
But I never cry.
I can’t show my fear.
Now I’ve been a bad girl, I didn’t
Kiss him goodnight.
I stand there as he puts a cigarette out on my hand.
But I didn’t cry.
I never showed my fear.
Now Mommy has me drinking and smoking.
I’m strapped to the chair.
She yanks my hair back, pours brandy down my throat.
She lights me a cigarette
And says “Next I’ll have you on the corners,
You can be just like me.”
But I don’t cry.
I never showed my fear.
The beatings never stopped.
Frank only made them worse.
I can feel the 2x4 across my head.
The buckle against my back.
The kitchen sink thuds against my forehead.
But I don’t cry.
I never showed my fear.
All I keep seeing in my childhood
Is different homes and “For Official Use Only” stickers.
I keep my clothes in boxes now.
But I don’t cry.
I never show my fear.
Back with Mommy now.
I’m older so the beatings are much worse.
More blood, more pain.
Daddy’s here now.
I’m his target practice
As he throws his shoe at me.
But I don’t cry.
I never showed my fear.
I’m 12.
Daddy hit me again.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
Mommy stopped beating me.
I thought it was over.
The scars from the stove are less noticeable
But it’s Daddy’s turn.
I couldn’t take it.
He hit me then, and I kicked him.
He had a heart attack.
I laughed.
I didn’t cry.
I never showed my fear.
Now I’m in the hospital.
In the padded room.
I’m not crazy though.
They want me to cry.
Don’t they get it?
I don’t cry.
I can’t show my fear.
I’m taken away for good now they say.
They will find someone to love me.
I don’t cry.
I never show my fear.
I’m adopted now…
Present tense.
The pain is still there.
I can still taste the blood.
I can still see the scars.
But now… I do cry.
And I do show my fear.

[bajj]

Give your dd a great big hug for me, and thank you for sharing this.