[argentina]

January ninth, nineteen hundred eighty
Warily, I moved you on as a healthy, warm and cuddly baby.
I vowed not to give birth ever again to another child
As I knew I would be hurting to often thinking of you.

Now on January ninth, two thousand five
You will be celebrating twenty-five years of life.
I have thought of you over and over again since your birth.
Alone I wonder…do you think of me as well?
*
Fall Harvest grows somewhere to complete a grand feast.
Soon after it’s cold, more holidays to celebrate.
Have you enjoyed giving thanks the months of November?
Do you look up to the East Star the months of December?

Sunday, January Ninth, Two Thousand Five
A beautiful day covered with bright sunshine....
The night filled with stars and a silvery moonlight....
Are your heart and soul the guides to the freedom of life?
*
Spring has arrived although winter’s still present.
Warm sunshine, flowers blooming and foliage are missing.
A letter to you was sent by an angel, no reply has been received.
Did you read the few words that I’ve held for so long?
That ten years ago you were asking, “Who is my birthfamily?”

Now as nature waits for the warmth of the sun to
Bring out the glorious colors of pre-summer fun.
I too wait and wonder will I hear from you before then?
Or must I wait full circle for the seasons to change again and again and again and again…until no end?

I could not wait…I had to find out…so I contacted your brother.
He was so kind to send you my line, you…just as well sent me mine.
A great surprise it was indeed for me…but mostly a shocker for thee:

“This is just so much to handle just because I have always wondered and now all this information is right in front of me and it just blows my mind.
I wonder every year on my birthday if you think of me and
It seems that you think of me more than just on my birthday.
That makes me feel feelings that I have never felt before.
Thanks to you I have had a wonderful life and not days go by
I wonder who you are and how you made such a hard decision.
I think that I might need some time to gather all this information.
If that is fine with you let me know and I will get back to you soon.
Thanks for everything.”

Okay, I'll be here doing the same…I'll be here when you're ready.
I am at ease now that I heard this from you and
Not from those who think they know what is best for us.
Thank you!

Argentina

[argentina]

I started writing this poem last year while searching for my birthdaughter and finished it this year when I found her...before I wondered where she was, now I wonder how long the wait will be? I'm living a life that will never be fulfilled...I guess that's what is better known as the "hole in my life!" Argentina

[argentina]

Life is what you make it...except when you try to make things right.

[argentina]

How did the advertising links (on baby and birth) get on my poem? I did not put them there, is this allowed?
Argentina

[cherilynn68]

wow
Thanks for the birthmom perspective!
As an adoptee, I've always wondered if she ever thought of me on my birthday.
I'm happy to know that you always remembered your daughter on hers!

[argentina]

Your welcome Cherilynn...I think about her more than one could imagine and I always will Argentina

[argentina]

I have talked to her through im messenger. She is still very distant and not willing to talk about herself. I feel as if she thinks it would be better not knowing about me Maybe I should have not searched...only time will tell.
Argentina

[argentina]

Inquiring


About
Memories.


Always


Desiring
Notable
Aspirations.


Solemnly
Thinking
Reassures
Another
New
Day.


Argentina

[LLAPHoping]

Wow, wonderful,moving poem. I am an adoptee--going through some STUFF, I've never even really thought of my bmother too much till recently, maybe it was just easier that way, because my painand longing and knowing runs so deep and my aparents never told me I was adopted.....needless to say, I have issues, lol!

[argentina]

Hello Lisa,
Not to worry...we all have issues. My issue is rather strange because I gave my daughter a life I could not provide because I knew it was the best I could do for her...I couldn't raise her on my own, I didn't want her to live an "up and down" life with me, I wanted the best for her...and through the whole process...I completely left myself out.

Now..."I'm just another face in the crowd..." Tom Petty

Argentina...knowing it's never going to begin or end! You figure it out and let me know...I'm too tired of it all.

[argentina]

When am I going to ever learn how to deal with the hurt?

[argentina]

So strange it is...I am still consumed with the decision I made twenty-seven years ago. Will it ever end? I don't think so....

[nanie]

en..
nice article

_____________________
tomorrow is another day
dvd to iphone

[susieloo]

Hey Argentina. Have just read ur thread for first time. I was looking for a poem to paste on the bottom of a letter I have just written to my daughter. What caught my attention was your daughters birthdate. My b.daughter was born Jan 9 1979!!
I am in the process of writing a wee letter just reminding her that I am always here no matter what! We have been in reunion for 10 years now...I still get confused as to my role in her life, not wanting to overstep the mark. So trying to let her know of my unconditional love.
Each Jan 9 I cried till no more tears came...until I met her just after her 19th birthday. We had been writing for a year prior to that. I haven't cried on her birthday since. Being able to buy her a gift or three so gives me the warm fuzzies, I have to keep check of the bank balance.
Will it ever end?
I don't know. I think more recognition of the grief involved, child and mother would be a start.
Take care my dear and write me if you want to share more
Big fat kisses
susie

[argentina]

Hello Susie,
I just happened to check in today and noticed that there was a post to my poem...thanks for the big fat kisses
I figured that it will only end if I put it all behind me...but I can't and won't do that. It is not in me to leave it all behind. It is always "here" and "now" with me and it always has been...so I've learned to live my life with this in mind.
Not an easy thing to do but I've stayed busy and have accomplished many other thing in my life. No children though...sad to say but true.