[seeking2adopt]

Written for my daughter's birthmother, and my friend.

Until now, you have known her
Far better than we,
In that closeness of spirit
That others can’t see –
You’ve nourished and held her
In the warmth of your womb,
And now the depth of your love
Has been shown;
As with tears in your eyes
And your heart and your soul,
You’ve placed her in our arms
And you’re letting her go.
You have given a gift
That we could not have known,
Filling a void in our hearts
And our home.
This child is an answer to a dream
And a prayer,
Yet a new prayer begins
As I think of you there;
For in giving this gift,
You gave us a part
Of your own dreams and prayers,
And a piece of your heart.
All this, the Father in Heaven knows best,
And I pray that He’ll give you
His peace and His rest.
For He knows that your gift
Was given in love;
And He’ll guide you each step of the way
From above.
And now, neither you nor she is alone –
God has given to each, His love and a home.

[BrandyHagz]

That’s a nice poem, but I have to admit, as both a birthmom and adoptee, I really hate the word “gift”…

[seeking2adopt]

Well, I certainly did not intend to offend anyone and if that is the case, please feel free to delete this thread.

I would like to offer the insight, though, that my daughter's birthmom does NOT feel the same way as you do. In fact, she chose the word "Gift" (in Spanish) as our daughter's middle name at birth, to signify to us that she did indeed see her sacrifice of love as just that.

But again, I do not want to offend anyone -- or be offended myself -- so feel free to delete the thread. Thank you.

[ourdreamcametru]

This is a beautiful poem and I don't feel you should be offended. Every child is a gift no matter how it comes to us.

[BrandyHagz]

Seeking,

You didn’t offend me…I was just voicing how I feel…In my opinion a child is a gift from God…not a gift that one person can give another. God may have given you the gift of a child thru the birthmother…but in my heart, I don’t feel like a child is a gift that a birthmother can give to anyone.

Again, that is just my personal opinion…I’m sorry if I upset you, that certainly wasn’t my intention…however, looking back on my very short and snide response, I can see how I might have. I am truly sorry.

[AMom2Two]

Stephanie...

I loved your poem!

I have also talked to my daughter's bmom about the word gift. I used it quite frequently when we were at the hospital. After I came here to the Forum and starting reading bmom's views, I asked her how she felt about it, if I offended her at all. She said to me, "No, don't be silly, she was God's gift to both of us".

I think it's a hit and miss as to who it offends. I'm glad you shared it with us.

Brandy, I mean no disrespect and I do understand your feelings.

Hugs,

Just for my information I looked this word up. I wanted to share it here...

Main Entry: [1]gift
Pronunciation: 'gift
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse, something given, talent; akin to Old English giefan to give
Date: 12th century
1 : a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
2 : something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation
3 : the act, right, or power of giving

[dl]

seeking2adopt: Your poem is beautiful and I understand your sentiments. Many aparents waited and hoped to become parents for years. I can understand that when the day finally arrives that they would feel that bioParents have given them "a gift". True, in a way if one wants to consider the opportunity to parent "a gift". That is different, IMO, then considering a child "a gift".

As an adoptee I dislike being referred to as "a gift" given from bioParents to Aparents. To me, "a gift" is something left under the Christmas Tree in a box or wrapped and taken to a birthday party, perhaps something given simply to cheer someone up. I personally think identifying "a gift" as what I myself was, would have affected my joy in giving and receiving gifts all my life. Fortunately my parents never conveyed that attitude. No different than parents of faith that raise a child they conceived and consider the child "a gift from God", so too did my aParents.

AMom2Two: Another definition from Webster's: noun 1. something given to show friendship, affection, support, etc.; present 2. the act power or right of giving 3. a natural ability; talent; ~ vt. 1. to present a gift to 2. to present as a gift. Syn. present, talent. As an adoptee, I don't relate any of these definitions to myself nor to the motivations of my bioParents.

In reading many posts from bioMothers on this forum, it seems there are many that would not relate to the definition of "something voluntarily transferred" .

Both the definition you posted and Webster's refer to "something" given/transferred. If one is to label an adopted child "a gift", based on these definitions the child would also be labeled "something".

[AMom2Two]

I don't wish to offend anyone and I do understand the double edge sword of the word gift. I personally, would not use it becaue I can see both sides.

However, Seeking2Adopt's child's bmother gave the child the middle name of gift, in Spanish. I don't think it is appropriate for us to disagree with the bmom as to how she feel's or judge the amom for using this name in her poem.

The poem was written to use the name given to the child by the bmom. In THIS case, I don't see anything wrong with the use of the world. It is not like Seeking2Adopt has taken this upon herself to call the child a gift, it was the middle name entrusted to the child by the bmom.

With that said, shouldn't we just enjoy the beauty of the poem, instead of adding our own interruptions to it?

I am sorry I put the definition in my post. That was wrong of me and if I could go back and change it, I would. My mind has not been thinking too clearly lately and I can see where that may lead to speculation. Surely a child is NOT something. A child is a human being. I agree with you on that DL.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone...

[dl]

You certainly did NOT offend me. Neither did seeking2adopt ~ as I posted to seeking2adopt, "Your poem is beautiful and I understand your sentiments." I was simply offering perspective from one adoptee's point of view. While my parents believed their opportunity to parent was a Gift from God, as I have learned the truth about my beginnings, I believe more than ever that my parents were a Gift from God TO ME!!!

Perhaps some bioParents feel that the aParents are giving them "a gift". A gift of knowledge that a child, that bioParents are unable to to parent at that time in their life, will have parents to care for and provide for the child.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Seeking2adopt,

The poem is beautiful!!

Michelle

[seeking2adopt]

My goodness, I had no idea there were so many responses here all of the sudden! Thanks to all who posted ... especially Brandy, for explaining your original post. I do agree -- "every good and perfect gift comes from above, from the Father of lights ..." -- I know our children are ultimately from Him, whether biological or adopted. God bless!

[Waiting4Skip]

Stephanie,
Thank you for the beautiful poem!

Judy