[dvcer]

My son is only 22 months old and it will be some time before he will really be able to understand the concept of adoption, but I have always wanted "adoption" to be part of his vocabulary so that he totally accepts it and it's not a huge deal.

Anyway, I was thinking about it last night and I came up with an idea that I really like. I'm going to use pictures of us, him and his birth parents to create a story book about him. I plan to laminate the photos and text and then hole punch it and bind it together somehow. I want to follow a very simple, childlike format and make it a story that a toddler will enjoy and understand.

I think this will take the difficulty out of telling him about his adoption and about his birthparents. I didn't want to wait until it became a "big deal" to tell him. I feel that if we present the story of his adoption in a way that's comfortable and natural then he'll be able to accept it as part of who he is and not have any issues about it. The fact that we're in touch with the bmom will help with that too.

[Momma2003]

Did you succeed in writing your child's personalized adoption story? How did it go? I am interested in doing the same for my daughter.

Thanks for your information and help!

[scrapandtell]

I'm curious to know how your story turned out too. What you're actually describing in a lifebook! Have you been exposed to anything on the topic of lifebooks?

[tldowen]

I like the idea of the lifebook. I already started a journal beginning from the time we started our homestudy. I put down all the information I obtained at the time concerning my daughter's adoption and plan on giving it to her when she at least 18 and tells me that she is ready to find her bparents. My daughter is 3 by the way and I have already begun talking about adoption. My question about the the lifebook is should I put pictures of the bparents in there? The bmother gave us her picture and we know her full name, but never met. I am not sure that I want my daughter to have all that information until she begins to ask. We also have a picture of the bfather also. I want to talk openly about her bparents when the time comes but don't want to give too much info too soon.

[scrapandtell]

Hi! It's great that you are talking about adoption! One of the benefits of the lifebook is that it helps bring up the topic of adoption more often and helps make adoption discussion part of our normal, every day lives.

Personally, and although I am no expert I have done quite a bit of research, I think telling your daughter as much as you can (using age appropriate words of course) and showing her pictures now will be the most helpful to her. She may not grasp everything you say, but hearing the words from you now, rather than from someone less well-intentioned later, will help prepare her for intrusive conversations or comments that are bound to come.

I recently wrote about the child whose classmate asked a relatively simple question "Why don't you live with your birthmother?" The child was caught totally off guard, did not know how to answer the question or realize why it was being asked and became visibly distressed and confused.

In this situation, had she been exposed to the circumstances of her adoption upfront, she would have at least been "armed" with the knowledge and not been blinded like a deer in headlights. If you have the opportunity to explain the basics to her (including who her birthparents are and why she is not living with them) and can do so in a loving, age-appropriate manner, then you have opened the doors to more healthy adoption-related (and other) conversations as she matures.

I understand the desire to protect your daughter from any unpleasantness there may be associated with her adoption, but in my opinion, waiting until she is 18 is too late.

Very sincerely,

[decor4u2004]

Hi,

I have a son the same age, 22 months and I thought of the same idea months ago, and had the same concerns about how to explain adoption so early in age, that it was critical to me that it be in a very simplistic, easy to follow guide from how we all came together through adoption, and incorporating pictures of his bmom, but also a little on where babies come from too. One of the photos I have, is his bmom pregnant and me standing next to her. I explain that he is in her tummy which is why it's so big, but that we both share the same love for him, and that it truly comes from the heart more than anything.

However, to start, I used the analogy of my 3 adopted cats. My husband and I adopted these kitties at 6 weeks, and that the mommy was just not able to care for them because she had problems feeding herself and felt someone that could feed her babies all the time would be better for them. I illustrate a very sad mommy cat, but also how happy she is as she peaks through the bushes when her kitties are picked up by this very loving couple. This is the first part of the book, then I get into our own personal story and show him the book periodically, but no big deal, I'm sure he absorbs what he can, and someday he will be more inquisitive.

Anyway, this works for us, because his bmom was very poor and couldn't care for him, much like the momma cat.

You can pull something like this together like you did, or scrapbook format, whatever you can do. I have Print Shop program which has some incredible graphics that I incorporate into my pages. Anyway, just my little story. It's better than any book on the shelves. I think writing your OWN story to your child would be FAR more appreciated by your child than anything store bought.

[tldowen]

Thank you so much for your replys. Every little bit helps. I think I have done a pretty good job on my birth mother page because we do know a lot about her. I didn't put everthing we knew, but figured as she got older and we went through the book I could verbalize more and more about each page. I don't have a lot on the birth father. I know a little bit, but he wasn't really involved in the adoption process, basically just signed the consent forms. I know in a life book you are supposed to have a bfather page even if you don't know a lot. My bfather page looks kind of empty, though. I have one small paragraph and and outline of a man. Any ideas?

[scrapandtell]

In my daughter's lifebook, my birthfather page actually had a picture of my daughter looking into the mirror. Like you, we had a lot of information on the birthmother but only a name to put on the birthfather page. So, I used the birthfather page as an opportunity to talk about genetics and inherited traits. In the text on that page I ask my daughter if she thinks she got "this trait" or "that trait" from her birthfather and explain to her that the way she looks today and the way she will look in the future is impacted by the way her birthfather (and mother) look themselves.

I scanned some sample layouts. If you'd like to contact me privately, I'd be happy to share them with you.

[Norsk]

I like the idea of a life-book.
Just to be sure I'm picturing it right; It is not like a scrapbook with pictures and extended texts, but a book with the text made more like in a children's book/fairytale?

[scrapandtell]

Norsk,

It is ok to do a lifebook "scrapbook-style" but it is certainly not a requirement. You would use pictures and text, though, if you have them...anything really that adequately and truthfully tells the story of a child's life prior to being adopted.... something which describes the birth, birth parents and family, the reason an adoption plan was made and where the child lived in transition from birth family to adoptive family.

The reason that you may have had the impression that a lifebook was like a fairy tell is that a lifebook should be written so that it is age-appropriate at the time it is first read to the child.

I hope that helps!

[Norsk]

Thanks, scrapandtell
I see it more clearly now. I think it's a wonderful idea.

[gabsdot]

We just adopted our son this usmmer from Russia. I've put together a scrapbook of photographs, plane tickets, emails etc to tell the adoption story. He's only 10 months but we've looked through it a few times as a bedtime story. It starts with mammy and daddy being sad because they have no baby and goes through our visits to russia, with photgraphs of the baby home and the carers, and all the other people who help us we also took photographs of the hospital he was born in a lived in for 6 months, the passport office, the court house, the Embassy in Moscow. We have no details about his birth family so we just used what information we do have about his past. I'm very proud of it.

[KelleyF]

I like your ideas for the lifebooks. I am in the process of making one for my foster children, who will be leaving soon. Any ideas for a child who is moving on to thier forever family?

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I actually wrote a little story about my boys and about how we became a family. It was not based on truths or facts, but for example, how they were little best friend angel babies together in heaven, and how they came to earth and found each other together again with the mommy and daddy they had picked together in heaven. I know it seems corney, but because they are so close in age, it was something I created to help that bond they are sure to have. Anyway, it was not based on facts, other than they both being born to different mother's. But it sums up by talking about how their best friend bond helped them find each other after they came to earth.

Anyway, I found a program on line that allowed me to create a hard bound book for them. It is one tat we put in with their books so that they will ave access to be able to look at it and read it whenever they want. I was able to incorporate our own digital photos, and it even offered the ability for a dedication page. Even the cover has a photo of the boys on it. They offered several different layout options too.

After I created it, I also ordered extra copies for my mother and DH's mother for their birthdays. I think it was honestly the most treasured gift either of them felt that they received.

Anyone looking for something like that can just PM me and I will send the website. BTW...all 3 books, publicated and sent rush delivery were only about $65. I received them less than a week after submitting them for publication.

[scrapandtell]

For foster kids ready to move on to their forever family...how about if you do a "favorites" page -- something where you say something like: "You lived with us when you were 'x' years old and some of your favorite things to do at that age were <list them>".

Or, perhaps you could do a page where you describe your favorite memory of having the children with you and what you will always remember about them.