[Archive]

Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

Exactly what do adoption agencies tell Bmoms who are considering adoption? Maybe I am naive, but I thought that the reason to place for adoption would be to offer the child a stable, loving, two-parent household. In other words, I thought the appeal was that the child would grow up with a Daddy who is happily married to Mommy and living under the same roof. Several posts I have seen indicate that everything revolves around finances. I agree with Cynic and others who have said that low finances, in and of themselves, shouldn't be the reason to place a baby for adoption.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Cynic

65% of families in the United States (probably a higher figure now)live in single parent homes.
This is a quote from the single parent board from an adoptive mother named Jesse. "If the only reason a woman places her child for adoption is because she is single, that's really too bad, because single parents with a strong support system can parent every bit as effectively as a married couple". In addition to that statement, there is no way of guarunteeing that the adoptive couple will remain a couple. The child can indeed be raised by a single birthparent.
So the reasons to consider adoption can no longer be finances or being a single parent. The only remaining argument is that you don't want to raise the child yourself. If this information were disseminated to women considering adoption we will most likely see the continued reduction in the number of unrelated-adoptions that occur.
Bonnie and others can continue believing that most adoptions take place because the birthmother does not want the child, but more often adoptions occur because women are persuaded that the child would be better off for financial reasons or because they are single. It is not the adoptive parents or birthmothers that have previously placed their child, that I wish to bestow this knowledge upon.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Bonnie

I can only draw from experience, and not on speculation. Our birthmother did not want to raise her child. End of story. She had no desire to be a parent, single or otherwise.

I agree, that a single person, man or woman, can raise a child under most conditions. But some just don't want to.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

I have heard other reasons for placing a child for adoption, such as getting the child away from an abusive/alcoholic Bfather, a married Bmom having an affair and her husband not willing to raise the child, or the baby was a product of rape/incest. Not every Bmom places for single parent or financial reasons. I would guess that few women who just don't want to parent would go through w/the birth considering abortion is readily available.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

BTW -- I will not concede that being raised by a single parent is a good as being raised by two parents. The fact that 65% of families are in single-parent homes doesn't persuade me. There are MANY things that the majority of folks do that aren't right or best. The fact that a majority of Aparents choose to wait to adopt infants doesn't persuade Cynic that it is best. In the same vein, the fact that 65% of the kids out there don't have a mommy AND a daddy under the same roof doesn't convince me that it is best -- it just breaks my heart for those kids.

I think it is a travesty that fathers are considered dispensable. Fathers provide children with love, support, and interaction that a mother can't provide. No matter how great a mother is, she cannot be a father.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By bina

well, that's a good point about bmoms in general. Problem is there was no agency or anyone "outside" our bmom's family involved when we were called. She said she made up her mind to adopt out the baby the day she found out she was expecting. Her mother is adopted herself and completely agreed. They told friends they were looking for a good couple and interviewed several -- then chose us. We then got lawyers and a private conselor ( who is also an adoptee) involved. I don't think the bmom was uninformed. I think like a lot of bmoms, she may feel differently later in her life. There is no doubt in my mind that the bmom did what SHE wanted, without the pressures of other people. I would not have done the adoption under any other circumstances. But I am concerned that a few years from now when she is more mature she will have deep regrets. That why I hope the openess of the adoption will help. But I don't believe that bmoms are always "tricked" or "misinformed" or given misinformation. I think they sometimes just make really bad decisions all on their own and have to deal with the consequences one way or another.